Feeling funny about bfing my toddler in public

[MrsSawdust]

I have always felt confident about feeding dd in public and never encountered a negative attitude.

But since she began to walk and talk I have totally lost my confidence. I haven't fed her in public since she was about 14 months (now 18m).

There are a couple of reasons for my reluctance. One was a thread on here I read ages ago where someone who claimed to be pro-bf was arguing that once the child is able to ask for bmilk they are too old for it. It made me laugh at the time because it's so ridiculous but her words have haunted me because I suspect that a lot of people out there might share her pov. All those people who smiled sweetly when they saw me feeding my newborn might be horrified to see me feeding my toddler.

Another reason is my dh. He is happy that I'm still feeding her but he seems embarrassed about it in front of others- for example, at my dad's house (my dad is a retired gp and very pro-bf) the other week I fed her and it seemed entirely normal to me but dh later said he thought everyone felt uncomfortable when I did that

Another nail in the coffin was a thread on aibu yesterday : a doctor had asked a lady not to feed her 10 mo in the waiting room of a&e because people could be offended seeing her bf a 'child of that age'

So - what I want to know is whether you other bf mums feel this way about feeding in public, and whether you do it or not. I would also like to know how people feel about seeing toddlers bfing.

Thanks.

Oh it's such a hard one isn't it. DS is 22 months, I don't really feed him when out and about anymore, but I wished I lived somewhere where it was normal (as it is in so many parts of the world). I don't have the balls to just do it and stand the comments/stares to help normalise it either. That said, I have done it a few times, and never had comments, but it's usually with sympathetic people. Maybe I'm doing a little to normalise it for my friends who all stopped at 8 months, I don't know.

One upshot was after feeding in front of someone, they passed my number on to another local mum still feeding her 16 month old, she just wanted to chat to someone who found it all normal!

It's a personal choice at the end of the day, you shouldn't beat yourself up either way, IMO (a bit like the feeding itself).

With dd and ds1 I stopped feeding in public at about 12-18 months. Apart from one time when ds1 was 2 and banged his head badly in the sports centre cafe so I popped him on to comfort him. Oh the stares!

Family get more uncomfortable after 1 year too IME and even my dh gets upset after 2. But with ds2, now 6 months, I shall be brazen because the more people see toddlers being fed the better. And I don't think longer breastfeeding should be some kind of secret society.

I am glad you have started this. My DD is 11 months and I have started to think about the whole feeding an older child in public. I would really like to just do it.... but will i have the balls? More people need to feed in public to normalise it.

I mention to friends that I still breastfeed DS, but don't tend to feed him out and about (he also likes to hoik my entire top up and reveal my J cup to world). There's an extended breastfeeders thread around somewhere, it's a good place to go for a bit of understanding company.

Friends and family all seem fine with it BTW, although after about 18 months there were a few comments. I can deal with them though, it's just the thought of being judged by strangers that I find difficult. It's one of the reasons I usually fence-sit on MN!

ds is almost 3 and i haven't bf him in public since her was about 2. mainly because he only feeds morning & night but i have to admit i'd feel self conscious and expect comments, stupid really as i never got any.
Do hope to do it more with dd though - if we all do it it will become normal!

It might sometimes depend on the LO.
My DD was quite late growing hair and walking. But my friend whose DD had a full head of dark curls and was walking felt uncomfortable before I did.

I still occasionally BF DS2 (2.8) in public. I felt less comfortable in public after 2 but if he needs it it's a lot less disruptive to quickly pop him on than to having him demanding MILK in a very loud voice. My parents aren't overly comfortable with it but don't mak a big deal of it. My grandma is the best and will often occupy DD while he nurses (she's reached the possessive 'my boobs, my mummy' stage).
I've never had a nasty comment. Possibly the body language deters peopla.....

my ds has just turned 1 and I don't want to feed him anywhere other than at home. In fact, the last time my mum and my mil asked if i was still breastfeeding i lied and said no. i just feel it's my business and cant be bothered to defend myself to them.
Unfortunately my hunsband doesn't feel the same and i heard him telling the neighbour last week that i was upstairs breastfeeding!

My DS is 16 months and still breastfed. I find it slightly awkward to breastfeed him out and about now. He likes to come up to me and pull at my clothes and try to pull my boobs out (usually saying his favourite word - Look!)

So I now try to get him to sign "milk" rather than pulling at me and he is getting better. I tend to find a quietish corner and feed him quickly, to be honest, it's more discreet that way. He will not be distracted if he really wants it so I can either feed him discreetly and quickly or have him screaming and crying, pulling at me and making it very obvious what he wants. I was talking to my stepmum about this - she fed both of her children to a year but stopped around then as she had had enough of them biting. She said that she feels a bit "squicky" about the thought of toddlers breastfeeding, but that there is nothing wrong with it, but she doesn't like seeing toddlers running across the room and pulling at their mum's clothes or asking for milk all the time. (I have no idea why this would be, but I do think that this is what most people object to about extended breastfeeding and why people often say "When they can ask, they're too old")

I don't mind feeding in front of strangers, but it's friends and family and potential friends (ie if I go to a new toddler group etc) that I worry about because I feel their opinions matter more.

I breast fed dd2 on a plane when she was about 2. I ignored people who were staring and if they had said anything I would have told them to bugger off! The sound of her screaming would have been rather more offensive!

I fed DS in public until about Xmas (he was 2 last month). He got down to morning and night recently because of pregnancy related discomfort and if I got looks, I didn't notice them!

If you really really are uncomfortable, then from this age they are more amenable to being put off for a bit, but if you just want a bit more confidence, try your local LLL meeting. Extended breastfeeders tend to feel more comfortable there, and my most of the regulars at the meet (other people come along for specific advice) are ones with older toddlers.

I do think its a shame when people stop feeding out and about for fear of other people's reactions, because getting out and doing it is the only way it is going to become normal and expected, but I can understand it when I hear some of the stories on here!

I am determined to carry on feeding 16 mo DD in public if she needs it, for her sake and the sake of all the other mums still feeding older babies and toddlers. Like SPB says, if we all do it then it'll become normal and people will stare less. If anyone's offended by it they can always bugger off look the other way.

Thanks for all your helpful posts. I feel quite fired up now to just go ahead and feed her in public. it's absolutely true that the only way to normalise it is for plenty of us to just do it. I'm sick of hiding it like a dirty secret

But here's another thing. I don't know if it's something to do with where I live (can't see why it would be) but I go into town at least once a week and I can't remember the last time I saw anyone bf a baby of any age. Every single week I see loads of mums and babies with bottles - and before anyone jumps down my throat, I am NOT judging them - but I do notice them because I'm always on the lookout for breastfeeding. I've seen 3 women breastfeeding in my town in a year and a half. So I feel even more shy about feeding a toddler. But sod it - next time the need arises I'm just going to do it.

Will also look into LLL, thanks for that

When we got to a year, my mum told me that I probably shouldn't bfeed DD in public any longer. It really pissed me off that she was prepared to put the idiotic sensibilities of complete strangers before the emotional and nutritional needs of her granddaughter but I have to admit that I am nervous about doing it now (she's 16 months) and don't do it often or if she can be distracted (though we're trying to cut down generally, so it's that too). She does tend to thrust both hands down my top and twiddle my nipples now though, which is nice

I'm still feeding DD 17mths anytime, anywhere. DH says enough, mother says enough, everyone asks the same boring repetive question, 'How much longer are you gonna feed her?'
You know what, I don't give a fcuk what other people think or say and niether should you.
Q. Is your child a baby/toddler?
A. Yes
Q. Do babies/toddlers need to drink milk as part of a healthy and balanced diet?
A. Yes
That's it, period.
I'm sick to the back teeth of my children being exposed to the front covers of Nuts, The Sunday sport etc, etc but then others getting all wound up by BF, its pathetic.

ds IS 3.8 AND i SIMPLY CANNOT FEED HIM ANYWHERE BUT AT HOME.(oops sorry caps).

I feel a bit embarrassed when he asks for it now, he uses a "baby" word for it so no-one would know but for the fact that he shoves his hand down my top. I'm even getting embarrassed when in the company of people I felt quite comfortable with when he was younger.

'Tis a shame, but it's just how I feel.

...and I couldn't feed him in the playground when he runs out of school, now could I?

Could anyone?

Treadmill - you sound a little peeved
Sawdust - I agree. Unless people see us feeding 'older' children it will never be seen as just another parenting choice.

My dd is only 10 mths but I have found recently that I feel a little less comfortable feeding her in public.

I don't think its her age so much as the fact that she pulls of and on and plays alot and stops to have a look about and I feel like I spend alot of the time just sitting with my breast hanging out