Arrrrgh. I am SO fed up with feeding to sleep.

[MaMight]

Ds is 22 months old.

He will ONLY go to sleep with a boob in his mouth.

He requires feeding back to sleep at the end of every sleep cycle.

This means that I have many nights where he is quite literally latched on for hours at a time, then sleeps without me for 40 minutes and then latches on for the rest of the night.

He has his own bed now (a cot with the side taken off) and he LOVES his new bed in his room with his sister... but now I just spend all fucking evening squished in a fucking cot feeding him, instead of lying on my bed.

I don't want to spend all my evenings lying squished in a cot.

I never watch a film through because he wakes and demands feeding half way through.

I never get an uninterrupted bath.

This evening all my friends are out and I am not because it is SUCH hard work for poor dh when I go and he is left to deal with a boobless ds. (Dh does do this and willingly, but I just feel rotten knowing that while I'm out he's at home with a furious, boob deprived boy).

I have been trying the NCSS but as soon as I gently pull him off when he's all but asleep he wakes and wails and screams and sometimes is sick (yes, even when I'm there holding him) and generally wakes himself up so much that we have to start again.

I have completely failed by not helping him learn to comfort himself. With dd there was a natural progression from boob to no boob. Ds just gets more and more dependant.

I am getting so resentful that he is nearly 2 and I am about as housebound and boob-tied as I was when he was a newborn.

Tonight (4 hour time difference here) I fed him to sleep sitting on his bed (because I can't tell you how psychologically defeating it is to have to lie in that cot all the time) and when he was asleep I gently moved him into the bed. He woke up. I spent 15ish minutes bent over the cot feeding him as he slept. I crept away. He woke up. Dh went to him and is still up there now shushing and patting and rocking and lying with him. No furious tears, but lots of sporadic groaning and little bursts of tears.

I think I have typed this mostly so I have something to do rather than pace the sitting room listening to the battle upstairs.

oh god...no ideas sorry but tht sounds awful

Dh came down triumphant - ds asleep by himself - hooray!

It lasted 5 minutes before ds loudly summoned dh (not me, mind you) and they are at it again upstairs.

I'm sorry I have no advice to offer... but I really feel for you... and can completely understand why you feel resentful. I don't think this is your failing, though - I've read all that stuff about teaching babies to self-soothe and frankly, I think some kids are just a lot better at it than others regardless of what their parents do or don't do.

Sending out sympathy vibes and hoping you all get a good night's sleep at some point soon.

Thank you both for sympathies.

We've had proper crying for a bit (but dh there with him and cuddling) and now quiet, but I think they're probably both lying on our bed because dh will have worried that the loud crying might wake dd.

Cold turkey is the only answer I fear.
I did this with DS1, just stopped the feeds between bedtime and morning with no substitute (ie no water or other drink). We had a few hellish nights but really we weren't getting much sleep beforehand anyway and it worked.
At 22 months he is old enough for you to explain that there is going to be a change and now that he is a big boy mummy will not be feeding him in the night anymore. Ever.

I'm not suggesting he would become a great sleeper even if you succeed but at least you eliminate the feeding which sounds to me as though you are hating.

I presume you have made a decision to BF long term this issue could affect that.

this might be a stupid iddea but have you tried a dummy?

poor you, if you have really tried and tried and failed at NCSS then perhaps your dh just needs to take over cuddling him to sleep and go cold turkey type of thing.

oh poor you, i have had this too, and it is so miserable.

my ds2 is now 25 months and we made a massive breakthrough when at about 22 months i stopped him sleeping in the day. does your ds nap? i didn't think i'd be able to get him through the day and occasionally he still does nap and then we are back to all evening lying in his room bf.

now he falls asleep v quickly with about 5 mins bf, and has even gone to sleep a few times with dh or granny when i have been late at work; it doesn't work if i am in the house though.

prior to this i was lying on cushions with him in his and ds1's room for up to 3 hours/night settling him, but he does often sleep all the way through so not as bad as your experience.

we did try leaving him to cry against all my instincts and beliefs and he was sick after 2 hours of screaming. I also know that awful moment after ages of feeding and settling when they wake up when you leave the room and you are back to square one!

you have not failed him, you are a wonderful loving patient mother. i tell myself i have many years of dinner with friends ahead, but it is hard after 2 years when most people don't understand.

i hope you did get out, and things improve soon. xx

Goodness, I absolutely feel for you.

Here is a question. Has anyone else ever tried to do bath/ bedtime with you out of the house? Your DS is old enough to understand if you aren't there. And may settle if he knows you arent around to give him a boob....

It is worth a try...DS1 went through a phase of not wanting anyone else do his bath and totally kicking off if DH tried to do it...I took a walk one evening and left DH to it. No battles whatsoever. DS knew I wasnt there, so there were no tantrums.

It is horrible to be in the house and hear the tantrums..

My sympathies too- I feed DS (only 15m) to sleep and in the night, too. He goes ballistic if I am not there with a boob in seconds. I am coping ok with it at the mo as he does go for decent stretches, but sympathise with you on the whole people thinking you are crackers thing. Sorry I can't be of more help...

i am currently at the point where i am trying to introduce a formula milk to my nearly five and half month daughter (Hipp Organic 0+)she refused it today on the first attempt but took breastmilk instead. not sure if this was due to teat or taste of milk. i have tried using my manual pump but after 15 mins, got 1oz so gave up. admittedly, i have not been expressing regularly as i am at home at present so feed when she is hungry. i am considering an electric pump but wondered do any mums have any idea of what volume is expressed via an electric pump, lets say in half an hour? i am trying to prepare her to take a bottle for when i return to work in august and in preference, i would prefer her to have breastmilk. thanks in advance.

Ma Might -i have a similar situation with regards to feeding to sleep, its THE ONLY way. you seem to have tried everything possible. have you tried reintroducing a bottle with expressed milk recently? can you speak to a lactation specialist?

Very sorry to have abandoned thread.

I've been reading through everyone's thoughts and mulling everything over for the last couple of days.

DH did manage to get ds to sleep the night of the OP... but by lying with him in our bed. It's a bit of an own goal really because of we're ever going to get rid of the constant overnight feeding he needs to sleep in his own bed.

Then last night I fed him to sleep in the cot and he came in with us at about midnight and fed and dozed until about 5 when dh got up and I got a couple of hour's kip.

One thing that occured to me is that although ds needs to sleep in his own bed, there is no law that says his bed needs to be a cot, or even small, so we are thinking about maybe buying ds a big bed (there's a 3/4 one in IKEA) so at least all the feeding him back to sleep and faffing about can happen without me squished in a cot. It's sort of avoiding the problem really though, isn't it.

Have even started to wonder about going cold turkey with the breastfeeding. Just stop.

few comments about him being old enough to understand explanations? Really? Do you think so? I do wonder sometimes if I am guilty of babying him too much, but he's only 22 months. Surely he is still a baby?

I don't see why you should have to give up breastfeeding, just the night feeds. He does not need the nourishment of a feed at night, it's just for comfort.

Perhaps , if you decided to stop night feeds, you could make the "supper" feed different by giving it downstairs? And then say no more until breakfast.

The big bed. My children are older now and if I was doing it again I would go straight from Cot to double bed. Instead of which I bought cot, then single bed, then high rise bunk, then double bed.
If you have room and assume they will eventually have a double, get one now. It would have made my years and years of musical beds much more comfortable.

I'm in the same boat as you, but four months on. Heartening to know i'm not the only person dealing with this. In an ideal world, i'd accept it for what it is, and become a lactivist - sounds like that's what you're doing with the 3/4 bed solution. May as well embrace the situation.
But i've had enough. I'm constantly exhausted and feel like i can't get anything done day or night. For over two bloody years! I love her to pieces but this is the one thing that blots our relationship. I think i'll be a much better mother if i get some proper sleep.
I'm going to go for the cold turkey approach in a couple of months, after a few things have been dealt with. I really can't stand bf any more. I never thought i'd write that.
I wish i had some advice for you. But will keep reading your thread with interest.

Oh god, I do feel your pain. DS is now 23 months and I could have written your post 3 months ago. He only rarely went to sleep on his own (ie. without my boob in his mouth) and that would be after a breastfeed at bedtime. At night, if he woke up (to be fair, he is a good sleeper) boob was the only answer unless he was still mostly asleep and just needed some cuddles or patting.

I got SO tired of being the one to put him to bed (but DH had occasional success with a bottle of cow's milk if I was out - I had a massive mental block about doing this myself though) that just after Christmas, I tweaked his bedtime to see if I could - I replaced the bedtime bf with a bottle of cow's milk. The first bottle I'd ever given him myself, in fact! I obviously have Ishoos with this, or had, because I felt distraught at not putting out, but he was frankly overjoyed to see a bottle and the most amazing thing was that he finished it, passed the empty to me and fell asleep on my lap, on his own! Ok, still on my lap, but still...

This lasted a few weeks. Now he seems to need more cuddles before he falls asleep, but is still happy with a bottle and has never asked for his boob at that time of day. He still asks for and gets a morning feed in bed with us, and if I need to get him to sleep for a nap, they come out again too...

There is hope - try tweaking gently and see what you can get away with. I'd never have thought DS'd take to this quite major change so readily.

Yes I had exactly the same with my dd when she was about 24 months - also could have written your post. She was co-sleeping with my boob in her mouth all night, I was permitted to get up for a very quick pee occasionally but that was it

We also did cold turkey but kept her in our bed - and actually the co-sleeping was fine, not an issue at all. In fact it helped because at least that way she was getting some comfort, if not the comfort she wanted. I think it would have been a nightmare to try to decant her into own bed at the same time. (That joy came about 6 months later).

The first 3 nights were horrendous but after that she got the picture and we never had an issue again. We kept BF but I explained to her the day before we started that we were only going to have boobie when it was light outside, not at night when it was dark. Also I explained that when she woke up and wanted boobie, she could have a cuddle instead. So when she woke up and started screaming, at least I had something consistent to say (ie not yet, wait until it's light outside). After a bit she accepted the cuddle and went to sleep.

Basically, brace yourself for a few shit nights, but at this age they understand a lot - if you are consistent and calm (ok, that might be asking a lot ), honestly it can work.

Good luck!!