4th time lucky???

[kateyjane]

Hi, I just really wanted to ask some advice about breastfeeding. I have read several posts on here and the advice has been fantastic. This is my current situation - I wonder if anyone can help? Thanks in advance.

I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with my 4th DC. (Due 26/05/10) I am determined that this time I will get breastdfeeding right. This is my very poor history with my other DCs;

DD1(7) - Breastfed for 5 weeks, was awful. Both of us cried all the time. Made the decision to stop and my milk had dried up and gone by the next day.

DD2(4) - Breastfed for 3 weeks, even worse than previous time. Got into a real emotional/guilty state and gave up.

DS1(3) - Made the decision before I had him to just give him the first 2 colostrum feeds then stop and not even attempt to do more than that. Feel incredibly guilty, as he is much more laid back than my DDs - can't help wondering 'What if?' Again breasts were back to normal within a day.

Sorry this is such a long post! A bit more history, I had a gastric bypass Feb 2001 and was badly anaemic with first 3 DCs and had malabsorption of vitamins/minerals.

I now eat normally and do not have anaemia with this pregnancy. I guess what I want to ask is - what can I be doing to ensure that breastfeeding is a success this time. Is there any way I can prepare? I so want it to work. For the first time I also have a full 7 months off work afterwards.

Thank you for reading.

I'm not really an expert, but with my first child, she was a very sleepy feeder and never took enough and every time she cried I thought she was hungry and that I obviously wasn't producing enough etc and started to do mixed feeding very quickly and before I knew it, she preferred the bottle over me, my milk supply started to dry up and I gave up at 4 months feeling very very guilty.

Second time round with my boy he wouldn't take a bottle at all (LOL) so I had no choice, it was all me! The first few days until the milk came in, he was very hungry and was on me almost constantly! He weighed 9lbs and 8oz when born. I made sure I took the vitabiotic pregnacare vitamins for breastfeeding. Drank vast quantities of water, tried to relax as often as possible (not ideal as I had a toddler) but I found my milk supply dropped if I did too much, and ate like a horse, porridge for breakfast, chocolate, flapjacks etc to keep up the calories. I did doubt myself on whether I was producing enough, as he had colic and screamed for the first 10 weeks but every time I got him weighed, he was bang on track on the 98th centile.

I guess what I am trying to say is believe in yourself! Get them weighed regularly, go to BF clinics for help and advice or call La Leche as it's free and they're very halpful, get an NCT BF counselor to sit with you if need be. Don't replace any feeds with a bottle in the early days no matter how tempting, as the first few weeks is key getting your milk supply up by on demand feeding.

Also the book routines that say feed every 4 hours, throw them out the window! My big boy needed feeding every 2 hours in the early days (in the day) and then once my milk supply settled, every 3 hours. Closer to weaning he went back to 2 hours again as he was hungry. Does that make sense?

The Kellymom website is great for advice on preparation for BF, what to expect in the early weeks etc weblink for kellymom

And come on Mumsnet anytime you like for advice.

HTH, no doubt some more mums will give you some tips later...

I had crap time with my three too. Not sure if we'll have a fourth but would try again if we do. So will watch this thread and wish you lots of luck.

Thank you Teaandcakeplease and sallyjaygorce - I think you're right in that good food and not trying to be 'supermum' might be the answer. Am trying to get myself mentally prepared, without getting worked up about it. I really appreciate your advice and support. Will let you know how I get on, MN will be my first port of call.
Thank you

Sorry, forgot to say thanks for the link, it has some great information on it!

Good for you for wanting to give breastfeeding another crack after some bad experiences.
I wonder if it's worth exploring why you had such an 'awful' time with your previous babies. Was it sore, difficult, uncomfortable etc?
As lots of these posts show, breastfeeding is certainly challenging for lots of people and needs time and good support to get over the hurdles. (something that tends to get glossed over in the breasfeeding workshop!)
Would it be helpful to find a local breastfeeding support group and pay them a visit now before you have the baby and work through some of the problems that you faced with your other DCs?
I would agree wholeheartedly with the great advice from teaandcakesplease and would add the following-
-lots of skin to skin contact from birth

• try and get them on the breast as soon as possible after birth and get the latch right from the start- this will prevent sore nipples and tears later on.
• even if the baby is sleepy in the early days, keep putting it to the breast. Someone described it to me as "you have to walk past a fish and chip shop to fancy eating the chips"! IYSWIM
• Trust your ability to breastfeed, the first few weeks really are hard but it does get easier after a while.
• A bit of an obvious thing to say but all babies are different. I've had lots of issues and difficulties with my three DSs but we're getting there with breasfeeding DS who is now 4 months.
• Make sure you get help and support when you need it- there's lots out there! Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Thank you crikeybadger. I will definately try to find a support group when I go on maternity leave. I think with my first DD I was quite selfish in a way and thought that I could just carry on our lives the same way as before, she fitted in with us, rather than the other way around. I had to go back to work full time when she was 8 weeks old. When I look back on this now I am filled with horror and guilt - despite the fact that now she is a very happy 7 year old! After this initial experience I don't think I had any confidence that it was going to work with my next 2 DCs. Hopefully now my life has generally settled down, I'm having a much longer maternity leave and am generally a more relaxed and patient person than I was at 24! I wish that I could go back and have done it all differently.

Sorry - didn't mean to witter on! Thank you for your support and advice. Congratulations on the birth of your 4mth old - hope it is all going well.

Kateyjane, you shouldn't feel guilty for how things worked out before. As you say you have a happy seven year old and we always do the best we can at the time. Glad that you're feeling positive now.
Yes, we've had a few issues with DS3. He lost a lot of weight at the start of the year. I think I got the balance between him and his older two brothers a bit out of kilter and spent time rushing around doing school and preschool runs. As he is a placid baby and could soothe himself by sucking his fingers he just wasn't demanding the feeds that he needed (especially in the night). Anyway, we're still not quite on the chart, but things are moving in the right direction and are in touch with a brilliant nHS feeding specialist. Now, on the three mornings I have just him and the other two are at school, I just sit, relax and feed him. OK, so the house doesn't get dusted but the dust makes a good covering for the fine Ikea furniture!

kateyjane, I am trying to do the same. Different details, but broadly the same story of 3 failed attempts and desperate to succeed this 4th time. (I'm due on Sunday). I totally agree that failing the first time takes away all confidence that you can do it the next times.

My plan is to ask for lots of support from midwives/groups locally & mumsnet.
To get over the whole supermum thing of trying to keep the house clean
To drink lots and eats lots, and sit down alot (am going to read books to the kids as much as pos so that I am sitting down - rather than running around the place)
To ask husband explicitly to do things instead of waiting for him to do it of his own accord - lightening the load from me.

But it's hard to believe that I can do it. Would love for some people to come on here and say they were successful 4th time round - I re-edited this post before clicking ok as I had written 'try' in every sentence (i.e. subconciously thinking I won't manage it) - sigh

Hiya Kateyjane we are on the same antenatal thread, I'm not an expert but have BF the other 3 to a year and beyond each.

Great advice on here I would echo:

• loads of skin to skin contact
• baby on the breast loads during the first few days especially, the first 7 or so days after birth I will offer a boob every 2 hours maybe more if they are fussing, after that I won't leave it more than 3 hours between feeds only if they are asleep, probably be feeding more than every 3 hours if they are awake IYSWIM
• know that cluster feeding is normal for a newborn, there will be days and probably nights where you are sat feeding for hours.
• kellymom is brilliant as is mumsnet of course
• find a BFing support group, we have one here and they have a creche for older ones and tokens for free ironing and cleaning!
• DD2 and 3 were never weighed unless they were having jabs, if they are pooing and peeing well and generally content and you can see them filling out theres no need to get them weighed every week it only stresses you out when one week they don't gain.

And all us other May mums will be around to guide you through it too

Thank you for your responses. Good luck PotPourri, hope everything goes well If you have time I would love to know how you get on.
Thank you Sweetkitty. I really value all the advice and support from the other May mums. I will try and find a breastfeeding support group here, haven't seen anything advertised but will ask the MW on Monday. Thanks

kateyjane. Have kept this thread on watch so I could update you - ideally with good news that it is indeed possible. And I am pleased to say that it is! I'm doing it, nearly 7 weeks in, and with 2 bouts of mastitis, a seperate blocked duct (knew how to stop that developing into mastitis), and 3 weeks of thrush I am finally doing it, and my little boy is finally starting to gain weight.

The secret I have found is

• get loads of support - midwives, HV, join bf groups (chexkc out la leche is ther is one near you), talk to ask many people as yo can who have breastfed, it is really encouraging
• NO FORMULA - I was asked by the HV to do it, but I haven't. I was prepared to see a paediatrician to get the necessary bf support if necessary. However, the nesxt weighing was his first increase - phew.
• drink, eat and rest as much as you can. Obviously nutritional as pos, but I also find I need loads of carbs and high energy (and suger - ahtough that could have contributed to the thrush...)
• Feed all the time.
• Work on the latch as a top priority. It took 5.5 weeks, but now that DS has got it, everything is going swimmingly!

I am so unbelievably prooud of myself, my body and my baby. (and it makes me feel quite sad that I didn't get hte right support before - I thought there was something wrong with me)

Hope you also have a success story, would llove to hear how you get on!

Rock on PotPourri - sounds like you're doing fab!

Great news Potpourri

Fantastic that you have gained confidence in your ability to feed and trust your body.

You're right to feel proud.