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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

do you think it's possible to encourage someone to try breastfeeding if they think they won't like it?

21 replies

thisisyesterday · 06/02/2010 23:50

friend of a friend is expecting her first. she has only recently found out and is v surprised as was not planning a baby. anyway, she mentioned to friend that she isn't going to rbeastfeed because it's just really yuck and she was FF and is fine

i'm all for women making an informed decision on how to feed their baby. but i don't think she is informed. she is (by her own admission) not a baby person, doesn't really know many people with babies etc etc so i honestly don't think she really realises there is a huge difference between BF and FF

what I wonder though is whether there is a nice/appropriate way to explain the differences, the "benefits" to both baby and mum of breastfeeding in a way that informs, but doesn't make her defensive and even more likely to just bottle feed.

OP posts:

displayuntilbestbefore · 07/02/2010 00:04

No, she would think you were poling your nose in especially if she is a friend of a friend. If she doesn't want to BF then it's not your place to try and persuade her otherwise. Her baby, not yours.
There's a big difference between helping to inform and being intrusive and you would be stepping over the line into the latter IMO.

displayuntilbestbefore · 07/02/2010 00:05

poking nose in, not poling

hewasmytwin · 07/02/2010 00:05

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displayuntilbestbefore · 07/02/2010 00:10

That's a bit harsh.
She might just not like the idea. She may well change her mind if she tries it or she may stick with her first thoughts but she will get enough information about the benefits from her midwives and once the baby is born and will then be able to make up her own mind about it.
If someone unrelated to my pregnancy (ie not a member of my close family nor a health professional I was dealing with during my pregnancy) had started to tell me all about the benefits I would have found it patronising and interfering tbh.

hewasmytwin · 07/02/2010 00:16

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

displayuntilbestbefore · 07/02/2010 00:22

"She probably thinks breasts are for sexual purposes only. "

That's the bit I thought was a touch harsh!

I agree that the people I have known whose reason for not BFing was because they found it in some way distasteful were happy and steadfast in their decision but it's a personal choice and not OP's place to interfere IMO, however strongly she wants to promote BFing.

deleting · 07/02/2010 00:33

It would be probably be very tricky. A lot of people find it painful at the beginning and if you're not hellbent on bfing you'd wonder why you were bothering.

Loopymumsy · 07/02/2010 07:58

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Babieseverywhere · 07/02/2010 11:00

The midwifes should tell your friend about the benefits of breastfeeding and she should get a couple of leaflets with her hospital notes as well. She may or may not change her mind, that is up to her. If she asks you for information fair enough, but I wouldn't volunteer stuff when you already know she isn't interested.

It might be worth mentioning the benefit of skin to skin contact. I believe all mothers should be offered skin to skin time in hospital, whatever the mother's feeding choice. Good for bonding with baby and regulating skin temperature, baby can listen to mums heartbeat etc.

Maybe mention about liquid gold the first feed which will give her baby protection against bugs in the earlier months. She could hand express the colostrum and spoon feed this to her baby if she wants nothing to do with breastfeeding.

momofnearly2 · 07/02/2010 12:32

I had a friend who was really "yuck" at the thought of breastfeeding and asked for my opinions as I did both. (I wouldn't have given opinions if she didn't ask)

I explained what I thought about both and told her that trying to BF wasn't going to be the end of the world neither would it be if she choose to FF.

As it happened, she did try it and is still successfully BF 16weeks on and LOVES IT.

If your friend is adamant that she is going to FF then I would stay out of it. If she's asks for your opinions then let her have them and hope that she at least tries it.

jamaisjedors · 07/02/2010 12:36

A friend also said this to me when she was pregnant and said that ff never did her any harm etc.

I left it (have noticed all the accusations of bf nazi if you try and give your opinion on here anyway).

She tried bf in the end and has been for the last few months.

Unfortunately I don't think friends have as much influence as "professionals" in the early days with a new baby - just look at how people react to their mothers/MILs giving advice!

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/02/2010 12:45

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Message withdrawn

pigletmania · 07/02/2010 12:46

Dont focus it on her, take a non direct approach, just talk to her about your experiences as you are quite experienced with bf TSC and how nice it is and benefits to it, then its up to her. I have read that some people on here bf with the intention of giving up after about 2-3 months and you find that they are still bf months and mabey years on as they really love it. Have you got any books on bf that you could give her to read and say that this might be interesting.

ThePinkOne · 07/02/2010 12:53

A friend told me when she was pg that she wasn't going to try bf because everyone she knew who tried it said it was hard/horrible and didn't make any difference anyway. I said 'oh no, it's fine, it's easier and you don't have to get out of bed for night feeds '

She changed her mind on the basis of hearing her first ever positive story of bf and gave it ago.

So don't necessarily aim to inform her of the benefits etc but perhaps just hearing about someone who's done it, normalising it IYSWIM, if her only experience is of formula.

Original poster

thisisyesterday · 07/02/2010 18:21

yes i don't want to come across as just poking my nose in

I do know her, and we get on well whenever we meet, but I only know her through my friend, hence just referring to her as friend of a friend!

The thing is, I don't think that midwives do really tell you all the benefits tbh. and the problem with leaflets is that if she has already decided to bottle feed then she's probably unlikely to read a leaflet about breastfeeding

i just wanted to know if you think there is a way i can kind of inform, but without overstepping the line and becoming preachy about it. it might not even be possible i suppose.

I was really asking on behalf of friend too, who is more likely to talk to her than I am. But if I see her and we get talking about babies I might just mention how lovely I find it!

OP posts:

WidowWadman · 07/02/2010 18:33

Well, I guess the whole guff about the beauty of bf and the extra-sparkly bonding experience which allegedly is only there with breastfeeding is not going to win her over, but probably only alienate her further.

But nothing wrong with mentioning that it's not only cheaper (i.e. free), but also the lazy option.

If she still doesn't want to, leave her be.

PacificDogwood · 07/02/2010 18:40

I agree, do not try to 'educate' her, but maybe casually mention how cheap and convenient it is? And how much you enjoyed it, of course .
Also suggest she could just give it a go, just the once, or for 24 hrs and see how she goes, rather than making up her mind - particularly it she has only just found out about her pregnancy and had not been planning it.

I really like these "Reasons to be proud" - all true and not likely to make anybody defensive IYKWIM.

Don't make it your mission to get her to BF - you'll just come across as mad .

bibbitybobbityhat · 07/02/2010 18:41

Possibly. More often not, though. And the older and wiser I get the more I think people should be left to their own devices.

PacificDogwood · 07/02/2010 18:42

Oh, also mention the new guidelines on how to prepared FF properly, ie no making up of batches in advance etc.

Original poster

thisisyesterday · 07/02/2010 18:42

don't worry am not going to bang on about it. I'm very aware that doing so is entirely counter-productive

hence the thread, to see if anyone has any ideas of things that just sum up the beauty and importance of BF, without sounding all preachy and banging on about ot

OP posts:

pigletmania · 08/02/2010 08:57

Well if it was a friend of mine i would not be direct and preachy, but just tell them about your experiences and how nice it was without sounding too idealistic as its different for everyone and while you many not have encountred any problems with bf some women do. If its a friend of a friend than unless you know them well its a bit iffy imo

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