Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

I have had enough (BF)

19 replies

MiladyDeWinter · 06/02/2010 22:29

Extended BF's how do you do it please? DS is 2.8 and I am so sick of it and his sleeplessness that I would fully welcome a car accident and hospital stay.

I know that is an awful thing to say but at this point in time I would also, if such a thing were possible for an otherwise healthy person, have an operation to remove my breasts and nipples completely.

I have never been uncomfortable with them being touched until recently. Feeding newborn and older baby DS was fine but for the last year and a half (he is autistic) it has been a thankless painful chore. He nipple twiddles and can not to told to stop, he makes no loving eye-contact and just climbs on me and off as if I am a machine

People say it can be a really lovely thing BF older children. I wish I had that.

I know I'm the adult and should endure it but it is very difficult.

Not sure what the point of this rant was but I'm scared of AIBU and thought that I might get some support here.

OP posts:
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 06/02/2010 22:33

YANBU at all. Does he have any other things that he takes great comfort from that you can give to him as you try to wean him off the breast?

I do not have any experience of bf beyond 12 months, or bf a sn child, but I do hope that someone more knowledgeable and able to offer advice will be along soon.

xxx

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 06/02/2010 22:34

I think you can pat yourself proudly on the back for a job well done - and now stop.

Original poster
MiladyDeWinter · 06/02/2010 23:31

He doesn't have anything that he likes more than BF - I have tried bribing him with all sorts.

And I have have a huge row with DH for daring to suggest such a thought

OP posts:
ascouser · 06/02/2010 23:43

Wow, what a trooper you've been, but that doesn't help, sorry.
I hope someone with similar experience can suggest an alternative.
Personally I would stop, this sounds too painful for you (physically and mentally) if you are serious about how you describe your situation.
HV no help ?

thisisyesterday · 06/02/2010 23:46

oh that's hard milady
for a totally NT child i would suggest maybe dropping nightfeeds by just saying that it's nighttime for whatever he calls BF and that there is no milk there now. then just cuddle to sleep or whatever

would he understand something like that do you think?

Original poster
MiladyDeWinter · 07/02/2010 00:46

He doesn't understand anything like that hence me saying that the only thing I can think of is having them cut off, insensitive and distasteful as that sounds.

Thank Christ I didn't post this on AIBU.

HV tells me to just deny him because he is "manipulating " and "controlling" me with his demands but I have to say that it is a great occasional parenting tool for an autistic child who is often overwhelmed with situations and needs comfort.

It's just so sad that it's my boob and not me that he needs. He doesn't look at me or respond to my caresses or hair-stroking or general cuddling...

Perhaps I just needed some nice comments. Which I have had. Thank you

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 07/02/2010 08:48

Gosh, it sounds like you're being v patient in a difficult situation. They are absolutely your breasts, and you totally have the right to stop. But would him kicking off, and you not having as effective a way to calm him, be worse?

with your DH for having a row with you about this, tbh.

I'm guessing you've tried BF necklaces or similar? Or a special tactile toy he only gets to fiddle with while feeding, to distract him from the nipple twiddling? Try different textures, to see if there's something else he can twiddle, other than you?

ArthurPewty · 07/02/2010 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Babieseverywhere · 07/02/2010 09:17

What a difficult situation.

A nursing relationship should be a two way road. You do not have to endure something you don't want to, it is your body.

TBH my NT children rarely give me eye contact when they nurse, too busy with the world going on around them. At night my toddler will push my face away so I can't look at him whilst he falls asleep, which makes me sad/laugh at the same time. So even if your son wasn't autistic, you still might not get the eye gazing thing, depends on the child.

A big for your HV, your DS is not "manipulating " and "controlling" he is a young child who needs you are meeting, in a healthy and responsive way.

Out of interest what is your husband arguing...that you should give up or continue ? Either way he should be supporting you not arguing.

NVC gave some great suggestions if you want to continue. I would add a visit to your local LLL group might give you some real life support, if you wish to continue to nurse. LLL breastfeeding groups seem full of tandem nursers, full term breastfeeders etc.

Hope you get some sleep soon.

activate · 07/02/2010 09:18

Why don't you stop then. It will be really tough with a child with autism to break the routine of course but if you are this miserable you have the right to stop if you want to.

ArthurPewty · 07/02/2010 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MiladyDeWinter · 07/02/2010 18:02

I will definitely get a nursing necklace, that's a good idea. And try to encourage him to have a "lovey" although he doesn't really form attachments to specific toys...

BF your DD2 sounds hard work, Leonie, I do agree with you how important it is and sometimes it really is the only answer when DS is in meltdown.

Thanks again everyone

OP posts:
MyNewPans · 07/02/2010 18:22

Milady have you thought of Lilypadz to reduce nipple twiddling?

DaisymooSteiner · 07/02/2010 18:27

Personally I feel that once you get to the stage that breastfeeding becomes a chore that you should pat yourself on the back for a job well done and then find a way to stop. I bf dd til she was 4 1/2 but by the time ds was 2 1/2 it was totally doing my head in, so I stopped and immediately felt better. I didn't want my memories of breastfeeding to be feeling mauled and resentful. I should warn you though that he's still fairly obsessed with my boobs 2 years later

thisisyesterday · 07/02/2010 18:27

yeah can you cover the other breast so he cannot have access at all to it?
does he have a favourite animal/tv character? perhaps if you had a soft toy of something he likes, that you let him hold efvery time he nurses it will become a comforter and you may then be able to gradually cut down on the feeds and replace with a cuddle with the toy as well

does distraction work at all? if he asks to nurse can you do anything that takes his mind off it?

mrsjuan · 07/02/2010 20:31

Gosh - fair play to you for continuing so long when it seems to have become a thankless task You're doing an amazing thing for him & it must be great to be able to have something that instantly calms him.

I would second the suggestion of some sort of transition object that you can slowly introduce while he's nursing - if he's not into soft toys as such what about some sort of stress ball. Some of the children I have worked with liked them, also things like beads (which might tie in with the nursing necklace idea) or brushes.

I think the only kind way you can do it is very gradually but at the same time try distraction or limiting his access to the other side.

Thinking aloud here but what about a kind version of the old wives tale about putting mustard on them? Perhaps just something with a strange (not necessarily horrible) taste so that it changes his experience of nursing slightly. Sorry if that's not an acceptable option for you - as I say, just thinking aloud

kalo12 · 07/02/2010 20:41

poor you and well done. my ds was a bf addict. i stopped when he was 2. he is dairy intolerant so didn't want to deprive him, but couldn't take no more.
he didn't want to stop. i night weened first then bribed him off with choc buttons little by little.
i had to be quite firm but i did it very gradually.

we got this toy called nursing nina - a pussy cat that has three nursing kittens that attatch with magnets to feed, then we did lots of role play about the cat saying 'no, thats enough, its finished!'

two months later and he still climbs on shouting cuddle mummies boobies, all day and all night long so i don't get any more sleep but i feel so much better not feeding now. i feel like myself again after 2 years of pnd.

now we discuss how bf is for little tiny babies.

hth this helps, the pussy cat toy is very good.

Original poster
MiladyDeWinter · 07/02/2010 20:41

He fights to get me to move my hand from the other breast and is quite strong. Lilypadz would have to be superglued on although they are marvellous inventions and I am always recommending them to people.

LOL at the mustard, I do know what you mean. I once read here that someone put plasters over her nipples and am considering it as the Lilypadz has now reminded me of it

OP posts:
Original poster
MiladyDeWinter · 07/02/2010 20:44

Nursing Nina thanks Kalo that is a lovely toy and may well do the trick!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread