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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Am I weird for not thinking about stopping BF yet?

30 replies

IsItMeOr · 03/02/2010 22:22

DS is 10mo and I am still BFing. I haven't got a plan for stopping, and at the moment he has quite a lot of little snack feeds during the day and one nightfeed. I am quite happy with this, and he seems to be as well. I also like that I can give him comfort feeds when he is especially distressed (e.g. while teething).

I am hearing an increasing number of comments from mum friends about how it would be weird to feed them once they can talk, or whatever, but I thought that it was perfectly natural to feed until two (and longer) and very unusual for a child to self wean before one.

I'm not sure whether I have a question, so much as looking for reassurance that I'm not doing DS any harm by just pottering along like this.

OP posts:
butadream · 03/02/2010 22:29

No, don't worry about it.

butadream · 03/02/2010 22:29

And I am sure it is very nice for your DS!

HumphreyCobbler · 03/02/2010 22:33

No, you are not doing any harm, extended bf is lovely. Some people call it natural term bf.

I just don't get the hostility towards extended bf. If you don't want to do it, then you don't do it. Why be so bothered about other people.

If it is of any help to you I would say when people asked me "Are you STILL feeding him?"
"Yes, isn't it BRILLIANT. I never thought I would get this far". I would then smile and nod really postively, no one has ever followed this up with a negative comment yet.

There is no point getting into an argument with people, just pretend they think it is as fantastic as you do.

crisispending · 03/02/2010 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rindercella · 03/02/2010 22:39

Not weird at all. Your DS is benefiting, you are benefiting. So long as this remains the case, then great.

A lot of people appear to have ishoos around 'extended' b/fing. These are their own ishoos, and not yours. I had a friend really pull a 'yuck' face at me yesterday when we were discussing breastfeeding and I said DD self weaned 2 days after her 2nd b'day. I thought it was quite a cool thing actually, but not many other people appear to feel the same.

Original poster
IsItMeOr · 03/02/2010 22:39

Thanks ladies. That's a really helpful response for me to memorise Humphrey!

And you make a wise observation crisispending - I very rarely feed DS out of the house any more, as he gets too distracted anyway, and as they're little snacks he doesn't seem to mind missing them sometimes, but sometimes seems to really want them.

OP posts:
meltedmarsbars · 03/02/2010 22:41

I fed all mine till they were a year. The last one till she was 14 months.

Its quite normal - bottle-fed babies still get bottles at that age! And no-one thinks that is odd!

Riponite · 03/02/2010 23:00

I found with mine that they both went through a period where they were so distractible that I couldn't feed them in public with any decency at all, but this stage passed and I fed them to 19 months and 28 months which is when it seemed to come to a natural halt. It is a nice thing to calm them with when they get frustrated before they give in to a tantrum, if you're still bfing at that age.

crisispending · 03/02/2010 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IsItMeOr · 04/02/2010 07:52

feeling much better now. Thank you everybody. Will just remind myself that it's fine for me and DS to pootle along doing what seems right for us.

crisispending - I have often wondered what none BFers do when their little ones wake with illness/teething. At least DS goes back to sleep most of the time these days (although not well after 4am, yawn).

OP posts:
belgo · 04/02/2010 07:59

carry on for as long as you want to! It sounds like you are doing everything just right. I've found that people make the most comments between 6 and 10 months, and then after that, most people stop commenting. You don't need to think up a clever answer whenever anyone makes a negative comment about you still bfing, just say that you are happy to carry on.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 04/02/2010 08:00

I remember worrying about what I would do if they did not stop - in particular with DS. that all seems to silly now.

DD stopped herself at about 14 months, it gradually got less and less, then it seemed to come to an natural end, and the same in the end with DS, although he was almost 24 months.

Because we tagged along with DH on lots of work trips all over the UK and the globe, it was such a practical option in addition to everything else!

StealthPolarBear · 04/02/2010 08:02

the first thing people ask when they find out you're bfing is when do you plan to stop? or how long are you going to do it for?

Bucharest · 04/02/2010 08:14

Dd self weaned at the grand old age of 5yrs and 9mths.....but everyone around me, except dp, a SIL and a couple of enlightened friends thought she'd stopped at about 2, and they were horrified enough at that.

As they get older, there isn't the "I need it and I need it NOW" thing going on, so it can all be done much more discreetly if that's what worries you (it did me) You also get to the stage where loads of feeds are missed out, especially once they (hopefully, unlike mine ) start nomming on the dinners with the family...

But, essentially, no, you are not weird at all!

(the earliest I was asked when I was going to stop was at the 5 day clinic! The paed actually thought I already had because dd had gained her birth weight and she presumed I'd moved onto formula)

eggontoast · 04/02/2010 08:23

You should feel comfortable feeding for as long as it suits both you and your baby.

I was asked yesterday, how I fed DD 9wks. I said 'breast'. Next question 'How long did you feed DS 3yrs?' .... Pause..... whilst I thought whether I should disclose for fear of , then I decided, sod it, I am not ashamed. '2yrs 3months' came the reply. Nothing more was said on the matter!

If you feed in private and people ask, they deserve to be shocked for being so nosey!

belgo · 04/02/2010 08:26

Bucharest - what made her self wean? Had she lost any milk teeth by that age?

Bucharest · 04/02/2010 08:33

No, and she still hasn't! (at 6 and a half)
I don't know, a combination of things I think. We were down to just before bed, in bed...(for about 2 yrs it had been mornings and then just before bed) and she actually started talking about it. "I think I might stop having mummy milk soon". Then one weekend, a particularly hectic one, she had fallen asleep without any (for ages I'd been following the don't offer, don't refuse thing) and then the same thing on the Sunday and Monday. A few days after she said "Oh,I haven't been having any" and we never really mentioned it again.
All done very calmly (thanks to dd!!!)

eggontoast · 04/02/2010 08:39

Bucharest you were very patient; I thought I might let my DS self wean, but at 2yrs 3 mths I felt I wanted to move us both on.

Luckily, me saying 'There's no more mummy's milk anymore' was enough, and that night, and every night since, he's gone to sleep peacefully without it!

I did shed a tear that night though.

ValentineHeart · 04/02/2010 08:53

I made a decision to be open about bf-ing DD, as I thought it was a shame that toddler feeding goes underground.. though we rarely actually feed in public now.

Never ceased to be amazed at how many people feel comfortable to tell me I need to get her off! I wonder if I'd elected to bottle feed, the world would have been quite so vocal about telling me I should bf!

llareggub · 04/02/2010 09:01

My DS self-weaned at around 2.9 years, when his baby brother was around 3 months. He actually increased the frequency of his feeding prior to stopping, then literally stopped overnight, announcing to us that "only babies have boat" (his name for it!) He decided at the same time not to wear nappies (day and night) and we had no tears over it.

I did feel quite sad not to tandem-feed for longer. DS used to old his brother's hand as they fed and tried to teach him how to do it. It was very moving to watch.

I responded to any comments with an enthusiastic response, too.

PuzzleRocks · 04/02/2010 09:10

OP - Not at all. There are plenty of mums on here feeding toddlers. I ifed my eldest until she was 2.5yrs and certainly expect to feed my youngest well beyond a year.

Please forgive me for shamelessly plugging my thread here It may be of interest to you.

Best of luck with whatever you decide. You sound lovely.

Babieseverywhere · 04/02/2010 09:14

No, you are not weird, good on you

Recent conversation with my booking in midwife for my third pregnancy.

Midwife : So you already have two children DD 3.5 and DS 17 months. Right so how did you feed DD ?

Me : Breastfeed

Midwife : How long did you feed her ?

Me : I still am feeding her.

Midwife :

Oh right.... ermm, can I assume that you are still feeding DS

Me : Yes, he is only 17 months old

Midwife : Well, I bet you will be planning to breastfeed the new baby then ?

Bless her she was very surprised to meet an nursing child

mawbroon · 04/02/2010 09:27

Babieseverywhere - my MW was the same. She asked if ds had been breastfed, and I said yes, he still is. (he's 4.3now)

She was really pleased and then revealed that she'd fed her youngest til age 4, and had tandem fed with two different combinations of her own children.

It was lovely not to have to justify it.

I haven't met the HVs yet though. They are more likely to be the ones who get their knickers in a twist about it, but I will only go there the bare minimum I think, if at all!

Original poster
IsItMeOr · 04/02/2010 10:33

Blimey, lots more responses. Thank you, for making me smile and also feel a little teary. Those are some beautiful stories, sniff!

OP posts:
confusedfirsttimemum · 04/02/2010 11:44

I am at almost exactly the same point as you and just starting down the path of extended breast feeding. My thread was 'talk to me about extended breastfeeding' (sorry, am being a muppet today and can't make link work!). How exciting!