Please help me wean my DD (16 months)

[MrsTittleMouse]

DD2 is a real Mummy's girl and is still breastfed (obviously, or she wouldn't need weaning!). She has only just started taking any kind of liquid that isn't breastmilk, direct from the source. She hates cows' milk and formula, but will drink some water or diluted juice from a cup. She loves cheese and yoghurt, so I'm assuming that calcium won't be a problem, even if she doesn't drink milk - is that right?

She feeds a lot. But the feeds that I'm most concerned about are the one at bedtime, the one in the night, and the one first thing in the morning. I don't need to feed her to sleep, she is fed and then goes to bed awake, which I hope will help. What can I do in the middle of the night when she wakes up crying? How can I stop her being distraut at losing breastfeeding?

Please don't tell me to carry on feeding. I have had two children and breastfed them both with only a small gap in between. Both pregnancies were grim. Neither has been a good sleeper. I am just exhausted and getting really fed up of it all. I know that she will continue to benefit from breastfeeding, and that I am very selfish to stop, but I am beyond caring now, I need a break.

My friends in real life are either very pro-breastfeeding, and can't understand why I would want to stop, or more average in their opinions and can't understand why I have gone on so long. Please help.

we did milk-in-a-cup at bedtime (but any ritual will do), and whisked her straight downstairs for breakfast in the morning

you need jay gordon for the midnight bf though
[rummages]
here

and do not beat yourself up - I agonised over giving up at 18m and dd barely batted an eyelid

I felt exactly like that when DS was similar age (and I didn't have an older child to deal with). IIRC we had success with night weaning at that age, whereas it hadn't worked before. DH would go in and offer water and although it didn't stop DS waking up, he woke up a little less and would go to sleep in our bed with just a cuddle, rather than screaming at me for boob.

I found dropping the bedtime feed surprisingly easy. DH did bedtimes for a couple of nights offering cowmilk in a cup, and DS accepted it. The last feed to go for us was the first thing in the morning one, but I was happy for this to carry on as it meant I got longer lying down in the morning. I'm afraid that DS finally weaned when I was 4 months pg, but I'm guessing that this isn't a method you'd go for

You have nothing to feel guilty about, and have done a great thing for your DD.

Thank you for the reassurance. And for the link - it was really interesting and made a lot of sense. DH has been telling me that rather than feel bad about giving up, that I should feel good about how long I have breastfed. Perhaps it's not a good thing that I value the opinions of women on the internet more than my own husband, but it is lovely to hear from people who have breastfed themselves and been in my position!

Our girls have a history of never making anything easy for us - I am having visions of DD2 clawing at my clothes and howling (which is what she does now if she wants milk and I'm not quick enough!).

Any advice on the best time to just stop? I am stalling feeling scared about the consequences and unsure about how I should handle her. Should I arrange for DH and her GPs to spend more time with her (so that I can spend less time)? Or would that be more cruel?

re spending more / less time with her, I worked om the principle that thhe fewer things that changed, the better, so I stayed around so she didn't ever think 'no more milk' meant 'no more mummy', and made sure it was me offering the substitute drinks/snacks/cuddles so she didn't lunge for milk the moment I reappeared, iyswim.

The exception was bedtime - usu dh did bath and I took over for stories, songs and feed-to-sleep, so for the first week of dropping the bedtime feed I did the bath and handed over to dh for stories, songs and milk-in-a-cup. Eventually we shifted the milk back to become part of bathtime so we could brush teeth after, and when she stpped bothering to finish the (small) cup we dropped it altogether.

The night feeds she did claw at my clothes and howl, but never for very long (30min on the very worst night, I'd say) and once she realised there was no giving in she stopped clawing and accepted a cuddle instead - took about a week iirc.
Re Jay Gordon, I think his '3 dyas per step' schedule is a bit optimistic - we stayed at each point for as long as it took dd ot be totally happy with it before progressing.

what a lovely link Mrs B! am starting to do a similar thing for the night feeds. It is really nice to see a someone pro bf into the second year that does not downplay the sheer exhausation of the night feeds
witch stops to lift eyelids of her desk

MrsTittlemouse I am just about to go through the same with my DD who is 14 months. I am also stalling.
You have my sympathy, especially with the clawing and howling. It's heart rending.
I'm also stalling, mainly because I am worried my DD isn't eating enough other food in the daytime .

witch I almost snoozed at my desk last Thursday!

Perhaps we should start a support thread.

I'm sure that I'm going to be on here - me sobbing, DD2 sobbing and DD1 telling me "but DD2 wants mummy milk".

I'm going through the same, although DS is only 11 months. Am not desperate to wean but do want some sleep!

I started a thread a few weeks ago on why people seem to think it's our emotional need that keeps us bf past a year, rather than the baby's .

I am starting to find that DS2 is more intersted in the stories with his brother than feeding at bedtime. I have to take him into another room to feed him as he's too distracted. I'm thinking that maybe a cup at storytime might be a good idea.

best of luck, am off to read that link.

The link is great - thank you.

he's a bit gushy but it's so nice to read an article which is not telling you that you have been doing it all wrong up to now and they are the only ones who can set you straight.

Thank you