I did NOT need another bloody bf-ing factsheet (sorry, this one's a rant)

[LittleMumSmall]

Just finished reading Gill Rapley's Baby-Led Weaning book and feel yet again utterly demoralised about my failure to breast-feed my baby. I managed to bf DS (now approaching 3 months) for 3 weeks, the result of which was huge depression and physical/mental pain for me, delayed bonding, dramatically underweight baby and unhappy family. We tried EVERYTHING to make it work - had lots of help from midwives, HVs and even (an extremely expensive!) lactation specialist, whose verdict was 'hmm, you're going to struggle with this...' - and I was ultimately given a lot of encouragement to stop trying, which helped me feel (a teeny bit) less of a failure.

Switching to formula was the best decision for everyone, and we are now a happy and healthy family. I was looking forward to finding out about weaning DS, so bought GR's BLW book. Having just finished it I cannot believe how angry I am that it essentially reads like an advert for the benefits of bf-ing. There are dozens of quotes from parents about how great BLW is but only ONE mentions that their child was formula-fed, all the rest are from breast-feeding mums. There is even a special little chapter all about how perfect the bf to BLW transition is - I honestly felt like there should have been blurb on the back saying 'of course, if you have formula fed your baby you might as well spoon-feed him raw sewage cos he's already f*ed up'.

I am an educated woman and I KNOW breast is best! But the breast-feeding stats in the UK clearly demonstrate that thousands of mums are formula -feeding - why should this book alienate them and imply they won't be interested in a healthy beginning to weaning their children? Maybe it doesn't, and IABU?? Sorry for rant, comments welcome. Feel free to flame, am off for a cuppa anyway...

LittleMumSmall - feeling angry about a rotten bf experience is normal. Why wouldn't you feel cross - you planned to bf, you tried to bf, you got Uncle Tom Cobbley and All to help you bf, and ultimately decided that the switch to formula would be the best decision for everyone...but that doesn't ever mean you can feel 100 per cent ok about something that might have happened and didn't.

BLW is a smooth transition from bf to solids - but as the book makes clear, BLW does not mean you have to have bf.

You are being very unfair - though it's understandable when you are cross. Why should the book not include the information about transition? Where on earth does it imply your baby might as well be fed raw sewage - for goodness sake!

My memory of the book is that it does not go on and on about the impact of bf or formula - can't remember it including very much at all. It's about the transition to solids, and there is nothing that implies ff mothers are not interested in healthy weaning....I think you are reading far, far too much into it, as I think you suspect yourself.

There are ff mothers on mumsnet who found that BLW actually helped them with their disappointment over breastfeeding - hope they will post here.

I think that its probably true that the 2 go together in many cases, you are probably much more likely to BLW if you BF, in the same way as you are more likely to be a babywearer if you BF. As these things become less niche and more mainstream the correlations lessen.
I'd say that your experience naturally colours your reading and you see it in a different way to both those who BF and those who have no dissapointment over not BF.

tiktok, you're right - I am still cross! Actually, probably more sorrowful than angry... I've been very envious of the new mums asking for your helpful bf-ing advice and I so wish I could have been one of them.

I do agree with lots of the book's content but (in a slightly more rational frame of mind now) wish that a couple more ff mums could have been quoted. Thanks for posting and I am sure the weaning stage will help me move on.

pooexplosions - too true. I had home birth with no pain relief, carry ds in a sling all the time, cook from scratch for our family...basically I had never ever thought bf-ing would be a problem and am still let down. Feels like the one piece of the jigsaw that's missing.

Any thoughts by the way on if bf-ing is seen as a class issue in the UK? (Hell, everything else is...)

It's probably one of those things that are more to do with you than what is around you. A bit like the way someone might suddenly feel they are surrounded by pregnant women when they've miscarried or having trouble conceiving.

TBH neither of my children were ever breast-fed and I doubt I'll ever notice the couple of points drop in their IQs or a few extra colds over their lifetimes. I simply don't notice any of the breastfeeding stuff as it doesn't apply to me, in much the same way as I don't notice campaigns to check for testicular cancer (as I don't have testicles).

It'll probably take a while, but if you can keep reminding yourself that you did your best, and that you did the right thing for your DS then you might be less bothered by all the pro-breastfeeding stuff.

LittleMumSmall.....feeling sorrowful is normal too. It's logical. If it helps, search the archives for some posts I did about the breastfeeding bus that you bought a ticket for

Here are a couple:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1364&threadid=274983#5504964

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/359060-formula-feeders-racked-with-guilt-wanna-talk

(Yes, bf/ff is a class issue, but not only a class issue. It's a physical, social, cultural, psycholigical, technical issue as well )

Message withdrawn

Thanks barn and Christiana for comments - this is definitely an emotional issue for me but good to hear a point of view from a bf-ing mum that means I may not actually be completely biased in my opinion!

tiktok, thank you so, so much for those links. I had a cry while reading and realised I am so fortunate just to be riding the bus with my wonderful son. I hadn't understood that it was okay to grieve for this, and I have now realised I must do this before I can begin to move on (oh dear, more tears coming!)

Don't know what I would do without mumsnetters coming to the rescue again x