Breastfeeding is a priviledge...

[MrsVik]

... so why do I feel like it's torture?

I have a 10 day old little baby girl who I adore, but when it comes to feeding time, my stomach clenches and I tense right up at the thought of feeding her.

My breasts are very sensitive - I cannot stand to touch them or have them touched. I never have been able to stand it - it's like fingernails down a blackboard for me, so I was always worried that breastfeeding might not work out.

I've been gritting my teeth and getting on with it, but I am worried that she will know how much I hate it! I'm also just sooo upset that I can't enjoy this wonderful, natural experience with my baby. I know my husband would jump at the chance of feeding her if he physically could and I just feel ungrateful that I hate this opportunity.

I don't know what to do - I feel like I'd be letting everyone down if I stopped - I know I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Has anyone gone through this and come out the other side happy? Has anyone got any tips to help me?

Poor you! I'm sorry its difficult for you at the moment, although i don't have such in the way of suggestions as to your specific concerns, you have my sypmathies. I remember those early weeks very well and for the wrong reasons! It took me at least 6 weeks before breastfeeding became anywhere near 'normal' for me and I had lots of pressure to give up (from DP, MIL, SIL etc) but if it means a lot to you to bf, then you will find a way through this I'm sure!

Is the bf'ing itself going okay? If you are having difficulties (ie with positioning and latch or even thrush which I had) it may only add to any feelings of having sensitive breasts. Have you been to see a counsellor or been to any breastfeeding groups? Would feeding with other women help you as it may take the focus away from your breasts per se to feeding your baby and being social at the same time? I wouldn't have been able to continue bfing without any support from a counsellor and going to a group. Are you able to try and turn the feelings into something more positive, like focusing on the fact you are feeding your baby, bfing is very intimate and can feel intense/invasive especially in those early weeks but gets much much easier and more like second nature as time goes on- believe me!

However, either way or whatever the outcome don't feel like you've let anyone down- you're giving your baby your love and care and that matters more than anything else including how and from where you feed your baby. Congrats on your little girl by the way!

Thanks for the congrats - she's just perfect!

I should have said in my OP that she's really good at feeding. All the midwives who have seen her say she has a perfect latch. She's also regained her birth weight as of yesterday, so she's getting enough from me despite my tendency to cringe whilst she's on the breast.

I have an ultra-supportive husband, and a great midwife. I don't know if seeing other women feeding would help or not - it might be worth keeping in mind though.

I think you're right about having a positive attitude. I'm really trying and it does help when I can feel positive - but sometimes I just feel like I'm some kind of freak or failure and it gets me down.

I've been trying to distract myself during feeds with having a radio in the nursery, or singing songs etc - does anyone have any other distraction techniques?

I'm not sure what you can do really...having such a bad relationship with your breasts may be somethihng you need to look at when you're not feeding anyway?

Make sure you're really comfortable, put yourself under no pressure, and just see if it gets better. If it doesn't work then it's not a big deal, your baby won't suffer and you can be happy knowing that you've tried. I would ensure you have the latch right as that seems to cause the most discomfort.

Congratulations and good luck!!

re distraction, my top tip is not to restrcit yourself to feeding in the nursery - I read a lot of novels and watched a lot of tv while feeding dd

mrsvik, do you think it might be easier if you could see the end in sight?

I wonder if it would help, along with the distraction techniques, if you decided to feed her until say, 4 weeks old.

that way you have an aim, you know it will end

when you get to 4 weeks you can look at it again and decide whether you want to carry on, if you do then set yourself another target of 6 or 8 weeks... sometimes it can feel daunting when you aren't enjoying something and you have no idea how long it will last for.

just an idea, might not work though

speak to la leche league or similar as it is quite common for women to have 'nipple aversion' when breast feeding.

i certainly experienced it myself with first dd who i fed for 27mths!

loved the idea of feeding her hated the feeling!

second dd has been much easier and not as icky.

i used to find that giving myself enough time, so that i was not stressed/in a rush helped and getting engrossed in a good book whilst feeding also took my mind off the sensation, as did feeding in the company of other mothers.

Hmmm. This sounds really hard for you. Have you spoken to anyone who specialises in BF about it? It's possible your discomfort is down to your breasts being notably sensitive ... but given that, you deserve to have absolutely perfect latch, and if you saw a breastfeeding counsellor, they might be able to 'tweak' how you're doing things to make things better.

And of course I think it would be good for you to have some in person (trained) support in what sounds like a very difficult time.

(I'm not sure I agree with the thread title. I think breastfeeding is a normal physical process, not a priviledge. I don't think I would describe salivating as a privilege, iyswim ...)

It is still early days and things will get better. You are doing all the right things getting the latch checked and ruling out problems like thrush. Many women find breastfeeding uncomfortable to begin with, but it does get better as baby's head control gets better.

Every drop of breastmilk is great. To get to 10 days is a great achievement. Your lo has benefitted from the colustrum.

Ultimately if breastfeeding is making you unhappy then there is no shame in considering other options. You might want to mix feed or go to formula. If the mother is happy then the baby will be happy. The benefits of exclusive breastfeeding get cancelled out if the mother develops postnatal depresssion.

I agree with the poster that talked about setting yourself a goal.

Feeding ds was a nightmare for the first few months. Every feed felt like razor blades. I set myself the aim of 6 weeks, then 12 weeks, then 4 months by which time, thankfully, things had improved. I went on to bf for 14 months.

Keep the goals small, say 14 days at first and if you get to the point where you can't do any more just give yourself a huge pat on the back for the great start you've given your dd .

hi again, I'd agree with Mrs Badger- I tried to only feed in the bedroom but then realised I was missing out on lots going on- especially as it can take soooo long to feed in those early days. I'd try feeding wherever you think you'd feel most comfortable, watch tv (subscribe to lovefilm or get tv boxsets), talk to a friend on the phone- use an earpiece so your handsfree or on speakerphone, eat!!. I also know of some women really enjoying feeding while taking a nice bath (if DH is around to help)...thats to say you are taking the soak and not the baby! good luck!

I kind of know how you feel, but for different reasons. I dreaded feeding DD for ages and it only just started to get better at 6-8 weeks (and then it was still quite bad but there was an improvement). I had really sore nipples and although no bleeding they were quite cracked. Lansinoh was great at stopping any nipple cracking and improved the pain I was having - spent several weeks pretty much attached to the tube

4.5 months later, the pain has gone and we're doing great. It's fab to be able to feed her quickly and easily when we're out and I only have to remember to take spare nappies with me rather than bottles etc. That thought kept me going on the bad days

Definitely find some RL support in the form of a BFing group. There's loads of BFing positions to try and maybe one of them might help your sensitivity.

Hi... I am new to net mums but have just had my 3rd child, she is now 13 days old and breastfeeding well after a very rocky start, I am pleased and happy as I could not manage it at all with my other two... Last weekend I felt exactly as you have mentioned here, I felt like I was badly bruised and could not even hold my daughter for 2 days and spent the entire weekend in tears... so.... I brought a breast pump Sat pm and expressed! oh my did this make a difference, I fed Emily for 2 days from a bottle using the expressed milk to relieve my pain and wait for my breasts to soften - which they did by Monday and to allow the cracked nipples to start healing, I put Emily back on the breast Monday PM and have not looked back... I have no pain (but have to express every 3 hours or the milk just builds up again but works in my favor as I can freeze it for later use too)or sore nipples... My health visitor came on Wed and I dicussed what I had done and she said it was a great idea was pleased that I had not given up..

I know it hurts but hang in there and perhaps try the above... It worked for us xx

I wouldn't worry about your LO feeling your aversion, that is so common among mothers in the early days, and it doesn't seem to do them any harm. It doesn't "come natuarlly" for many women at first, for whatever reason. So don't fret about that aspect anyway.

I agree with the poster above who said to set mini targets for yourself and reassess. I did that and eventually I passed my goal without even realising it, things had improved that much.

It's only wonderful after a few weeks. What helped me was reading the entire Twilight series and, during night feeds, picturing myself preparing a bottle. As I and dh are very lazy, this was sufficient motivation to continue.

Thank-you to everyone to has taken the time to reply! There are some great tips here and I will slowly work my way through them all.

I had the feeling today that it wasn't as awful as it had been previously, so maybe it will work out. Feeling more optimistic now, definitely. I think the day I posted this was the low point so far. Feel like I've turned a corner now.

Thanks again!