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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Deadline to stop nursing 3 year old - how do I do this?

19 replies

BurningBright · 20/01/2010 16:19

For medical reasons I have to stop breastfeeding my toddler by 15 February (when I will be going into hospital for two or three nights). Sadly it won't be possible to resume breastfeeding after the hospital stay.

DD is 3 years and 4 months old. She only nurses at bedtime and sometimes for a few minutes in the morning. Occasionally she will also ask for milk during the day, but it's rare - only if she is unwell or needs some post-tantrum reassurance and comfort.

I really don't know how to do this. Given how little she nurses now and the fact that there is a 'deadline', this is going to have to be a sudden withdrawal. There is going to have to be a definite 'last feed'.

Would it be best to get it over with well in advance of the 'deadline'? Or should I just feed DD up until I go into hospital and explain that she won't be able to have any more milk when I come out again?

Any ideas?

OP posts:

solo · 20/01/2010 16:33

You have about 4 weeks to go and I would(and will be at some point)cut it out gradually over that period of time. It will be less traumatic for both of you IMO.

Original poster

BurningBright · 20/01/2010 16:51

Thanks, solo. But how do I gradually cut out what is most commonly just the one feed a day? It either just stops one day or it doesn't, IYSWIM.

OP posts:

solo · 20/01/2010 17:08

I'm still bfing my 3yo and mostly for her it's morning and night too...

Don't know if it'd be feasible, but what about going to every other day for a week, then every 3 days and knock it down until you were at nil? I really have no idea if this would work. I stopped feeding my Ds cold turkey at 18 months, but I do think it's probably easier to stop feeding a younger child than an older one.

A friend of mine has a lo the same age as my Dd and she reasoned with her that there would be no more milk from Mummy after so and so day and she said occasionally, her Dd would play with her boobs, but didn't feed anymore. Not sure it'd work with my own Dd. Could it work with yours?

mawbroon · 20/01/2010 17:29

Are you sure that you will definitely not be able to resume feeding?

There are some treatements which are definitely not compatible with breastfeeding, but many that are.

Obviously I have no idea what you are going in for, but if you were willing to give us some more detail, there is some good info out there which might shed a different light on things.

I spent two nights in hospital last week after having surgery on a broken ankle, and 4yo ds's requests for feeding increased dramatically on my return. I don't envy you this decision.

alarkaspree · 20/01/2010 17:37

I would definitely prepare her in advance. With both my two (they were each around 2.9) I gave them one week's notice that we would be stopping. They were also having only one feed most days. I found it much less traumatic than I'd expected.

I think you would find it hard to cut down gradually. It will be easier for her to understand if you just say 'mummy's going away for a few days and when I come back my breasts won't make milk any more'. She will be a little sad, but it will be fine.

DamePhilippaTalbot · 20/01/2010 17:46

Also watching with interest. For me it is quite far in advance but I am considering IVF for a 2nd and DS is feeding (18months) with no end in sight. Nearer the time I will do some proper research - Hale's website says time and time again when you look up meds that the volume a (say) 2yr old takes is v v small so most meds are probably OK, but really there is so little research I don't want to take a risk.

CantSleepWontSleep · 20/01/2010 21:56

Do look into that thoroughly DPT - I would be v surprised if you couldn't bf with IVF drugs.

BB - I have been cutting down my 3.11 year old recently (one feed a day for the last few months), and have told her that she needs to stop on her 4th birthday because she'll be a big girl (I am already tandem feeding her and her 15 month old brother, and am expecting no 3 in June, with no particular desire to feed all 3 at once!). We now do a count whilst she is feeding - she gets a count of 10 now, and I/you can speed up the counting or use a lower number to count to to shorten the feeds further.

I def think that you need to stop a couple or more days before you go into hospital, and would give her warning of this asap.

Original poster

BurningBright · 21/01/2010 09:54

Hi All,

Thanks for replies.

I'm going into hospital for a bilateral mastectomy which will be followed by chemo. So definitely no possibility of resuming feeding. (Or even giving her the option of playing with my boobs, Solo.)

No sad face emoticons please! I'm after pragmatism here. Too much sympathy reduces me to a puddle.

We've already stopped feeding from the breast with the scary lump - 'Mummy's boobie is poorly and can't make any more milkies'. And I have also told her that we're going to have to stop altogether soon. When it comes to it I'll probably tell her that the other boobie is poorly too.

The plan is to make the whole hospital stay a big adventure for her - 'You're going to stay at Nanny and Grandad's house! Won't that be fun!'

But then, of course, I've got to prepare her for the fact that the boobs will be gone when I come home.

OP posts:

mawbroon · 21/01/2010 10:25

Sorry to hear that BurningBright [look - no sad face ]. I hope everything goes as well as it can for you in hospital.

Have you thought about phoning one of the breastfeeding helplines? A breastfeeding counsellor would be able to talk through this with you and possibly give you some practical tips too.

bumpybecky · 21/01/2010 10:32

BurningBright, I've had sucess with cutting out the last feed by getting DH to do bedtime If you're not there, then no chance of booby milk. Is that an otpion for you? dd3 accepted a cup of milk from Daddy (but had to swap sides and move round mid way though the cup!) but it didn't work with ds - he thre the cup across the room!

Given the reason for stopping though (see no sad face) I think if I were in that situation I'd feed until the night before hospital admission. Try to explain that you're poorly and can't make milk anymore but that you're going to have extra cuddles and stories to make up for it.

I hope it all goes as well as it can for both of you

Original poster

BurningBright · 21/01/2010 11:30

mawbroon - I think a breastfeeding counsellor is a good idea. Will try that. Thanks.

bumpybecky - my instinct is to feed right up until I'm admitted but make sure DD knows that it is the last time. Just wasn't sure if this would be more or less traumatic.

However I do this, it's going to be terribly hard. On both of us. I had always thought it would come to a natural stop when DD was ready.

I know she'll adjust. I just hate having it imposed in us like this.

OP posts:

Cakesandale · 21/01/2010 11:35

BurningBright - no advice on this topic I am afraid. But I wanted to say that, if you want to join us on the BC support thread either now or post op, you will be very welcome. We are not much given to feeling sorry for ourselves so you won't need to go puddly.

I can't do links but it is in general health and titled TAMOXIFEN THREAD HERE

CMOTdibbler · 21/01/2010 11:39

I think at her age she is old enough to understand 'mummy has hurt her boobie and the Doctor can't make it better, so he is going to take the hurt away. But it means mummy will have to go to hospital, and she won't be able to make any more milk'. The more (age appropriate) information you give her the better.

I'd feed right up till the last

Original poster

BurningBright · 21/01/2010 16:00

Cakesandale - will come over and have a look at the BC support thread. Thanks.

CMOTdibbler - that sounds like a good way to explain why the boobs will be gone.

Thanks.

OP posts:

solo · 21/01/2010 18:40

BB, I'm sorry to know the reason behind your need to stop. But my goodness! what a fantastic job you have done. 3yrs 4months of fabulous breast feeding and continuing on even knowing what is going on with your body ~ I take my hat off to you and your way.
I truly wish you the best.

solo · 21/01/2010 18:46

That link that Cakesandale mentioned is here, not that I'm on it, but am a lurker on some of these threads for personal reasons.

Cakesandale · 21/01/2010 19:43

Thanks solo

Sometimes I think technology has just passed me by.

We are there, we have (some of us) had chemo, and we have some advice for anyone who wants it. And for the rest of the time, we just chat

Original poster

BurningBright · 22/01/2010 09:40

I have arranged to speak to the local NCT breastfeeding counsellor tonight. I've spoken to her before and she's very lovely. I'm sure she'll have some useful advice.

But mostly I'm inclined to think I'll just carry on breastfeeding right up until I have to stop. I'll make sure that DD is prepared and knows that we have to stop. But I want to continue enjoying that specuial time together as long as possible.

Thanks for all the replies.

OP posts:

solo · 22/01/2010 15:02

If you want extra advice, I found Le Leche League extremely helpful. Good luck!

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