Should I stop comfort feeding my 20 wo DD during the night?

[M78]

I have already posted this in the Sleep topic, but I thought it makes more sense to post it in here....
My DD2 (20 wk) has never been a good sleeper, but she always slept from 7pm until 1am, I would then feed her in bed with me and after that I never really managed to put her back to sleep in her cot, so ended up co- sleeping until the morning with her feeding every 1-2 hrs. She then started sleeping through the night when I went to Italy to visit my parents for Xmas, there she would sleep from 7pm until 7am! Since back things have really deteriorated, she now sleeps from 7pm until 11.30pm and after that she is on the breast all night, pulling, kicking, falling asleep etc. I do not mind feeding her during the night, but I feel that she is just using my breast as a dummy, as soon as I take my nipple out of her mouth she wakes up and she only settles if I put her back on the breast. My DD1 is having a kidney operation in June and will need to stay in hospital for a week and I?ll be staying with her, so I do not want DD2 to rely on my breast to go back to sleep, but at the same time I really do not want to let her cry! My question really is if this is just a phase and it is most likely to pass soon, or if I should be stopping this comfort feeding now so that she learns that after a feed she needs to go back to sleep. Unfortunately she does not take the dummy. My DH keeps going on that I should just feed her and put her back in her cot and my mum says I should just let her cry, I feel so down, I feel I am doing everything wrong, but I really can?t stand to listen to her cry.....

I think that you must do what is best for you - for me that would be feeding her when she wants it - she is only 20 weeks old after all! June is a long way away & things will have changed by then. Every phase comes to an end - however bad it is. When my DS2 was born he would only fall asleep lying on top of me & I was convinced that this was the worst thing as I hardly slept, got boiling hot, thought the baby would sleep like that for ever etc but the alternative was to have him screaming most of the night - which wasn't really an option. Which seems the case in your situation - is the alternative a realistic one? You might be getting all this advice from you family but you're the one who is living through it so do what feels best to you. There's no getting away from being knackered - you don't need the added stress of worrying about a crying baby, failing as a mother (which you're not!!) She's tiny so enjoy what you can - & sleep when you can! Leave the washing & hoovering for DH or your mum! DD1 probably out of sorts coming back 'home' - she would have got used to being in 'new home' & would have forgotten about her 'real home' in the uk so wants to be with you for security. Have you tried sleeping with a night light? Helped my two no end. There's no perfect solution so try not to worry! Just follow your instincts. Our Mothers are great help except when they try to give advice that you haven't asked for!! Good luck.

I would stick with what you are doing - June is a long way away and by then she will be weaned and most likely sleeping better. It could just be a phase - my dd slept 7am - 7pm until about 17wks when she started waking in the night for a feed and this continues until i weaned her at 24wks.

Hi. My DS was a decent sleeper from 3 months until about 18 weeks when he started waking again for feeds - it built until about 24 weeks. He got back into good habits (except for when he was ill or teething) when he was about 6 months. I've heard of a lot of growth spurt/developmental spurts around then so I guess this is what it was. It will pass, honest - though it does feel so tiring when you're going through it. I wouldn't worry about June as the other posters said - it's ages away and I'm sure it'll be much better by then.

Just go with how you're feeling - fighting it is a recipe for just making yourself feel worse. BTW I spent ages thinking I shouldn't comfort feed DS at night (now 15 months) but bloody hell - with the current bout of teething for his molars - nothing else gets any of us any sleep. I'd love to meet the person who would tell me not to!

Again, I'd say trust your instincts.

I remember feeling like I wish a big neon sign would appear in the night and tell me what to do. But just relaxing and going with the flow is just sooo much easier, for both you and your baby - and you are the two people affected by this - no one else!

Not to frighten you, but I misread the title as 20mo when I clicked (I have a 22mo feeding half the night!)

Could she be teething?

processyellow - I also misread as 20 months
M78 - A lot of people I have met have say their DCs start night waking at this point. It normaly seems to settle back down. 20 weeks is still so very young, in 5 months time she'll be lots older.
If you don't want to leave her to cry don't. Will you be leaving ebm for her when you're away in June?

If you're sure she is not hungry and just wanting to suck then I would try again with the dummy. Buy a few different types. I breastfeed DS2, 12 weeks, and use a dummy in the night after he has fed. Sometimes I find if the dummy is warm and you wiggle it a bit when you put it in he is more happy to take it. It definitely helps him to fall back to sleep.

Thank you for your replies, they have made me feel a bit better, at least I don't feel I am doing it all wrong! Last night she woke up at midnight, I fed her and she fell asleep next to me, she woke up again at 2am, fed her and managed to settle her in her cot(which is attached to my bed anyway), woke up again at 4.30am fed her and kept her next to me on the breast until 6am! Not great but at least I got a bit more sleep then yesterday. Had conversation with my mum this morning and she started saying that I am spoiling her etc, but have decided to ignore it and do what I feel is best for my baby.

I would agree with the majority of posts here. 5 months is a long time away in terms of a tiny babies life. She will be a different baby by then. I would carry on feeding, I found it to be the quickest way to get back to sleep (for all!). I could never tell when my dd was hungry, thirsty, wanting to suckle because she was teething etc and I don't want to spend valuable sleeping time trying to work out whether to feed or not so I always do.

FWIW I had to go into hospital when DD was about 7 months to have an op under general. We had only just started weaning and dd wouldn't drink ebm so I worried a lot. It actually worked out fine. She did have ebm from a bottle but dh had to squirt it into her mouth while dd tipped her head back .

At 10 months I know she would have been fine eating food and drinking water when away from me and catching up on milk when I was with her. Its easy for others to say leave her to cry when they don't have to hear it. I don't leave my dd to cry.

Oh and one last thing, at 10 months my dd was happily falling asleep on dh at night or naptimes. In fact, this week she was on lap feeding to sleep when dh came into the bedroom. DD put her arms out to him and just fell asleep on his chest. My family told me for months that bf would cause problems at bedtime and mean dd would "depend" on me & not dh () but it turned out to be rubbish.

Don't worry you sound like a lovely mum.