Did I waste my time persevering with breastfeeding?

[TheBossofMe]

Bit of background - I was determined to breastfeed DD (now 22 months) exclusively for 6 months and to extend BF to at least a year, hopefully to 2 years. For lots of reasons (PCOS, DD being taken to SCBU immediately after birth minimising skin-to-skin contact, anaemia post section etc), I really really struggled to establish BF to any real level, wound up expressing and ended up at 6 weeks introducing FF - by 12 weeks, I was only producing about 20oz per day, which barely was enough for one feed out of an average of 6 per day. This at great physical cost - bleeding cracked nipples, severe pain etc.

I've always patted myself on the back saying that I managed to BF, and that I gave my DD the benefits of BF, even if it wasn't exclusively. However, it has slowly dawned on me over the last few days (partly due to another thread where I asked what the benefits of exclusive vs mixed feeding were), that in fact, due to the proportion of formula vs BM DD was ingesting, the benefits may have been minimal.

So, was I just an idiot for trying so hard? Would you have persevered for so long? Or would you have accepted that perhaps BF wasn't working a bit earlier and gone totally FF? Interested in case the same thing happens to me again....

NO!
every bf helps!!! even the teeny tiny bits they take in the beginning. i bf for a similar length of time to you - 6 weeks exclusive, mixed feeds, fully FF by 12weeks.
you did what you could at the time, with the support you were given and your set of circumstances.
if/ when we have DC2 i will try and do the same as i did for DS but if it's not working out for u then i'll have to switch and will probably still feel guilty about it but my ds (and i'm sure your dd) is happy and healthy and doing just fine.

don't beat yourself up about it!

any bm is better than none, don't give yourself a hard time x

Breast milk is so complex and scientists are discovering more 'good' things in it all the time (which is why formula can never replicate), and your DD had ALL of those benefits for as long as you could manage it. You did a great job in difficult circumstances. The formula feeds take nothing away from that achievement, or from the benefits to your DD.

I guess the thing is that I rather stupidly saw what i was doing as the same and as good as breastfeeding exclusively in terms of benefits. When it clearly isn't. I think its called being willfully stupid...!

Does anyone know if there is anything that can be done to overcome PCOS issues when trying to BF? So much else went tits up when DD was born that I hesitate to blame this entirely, but I strongly suspect it had a large part to play....

Listen, exclusive BF obviously has benefits, but you were not being wilfully stupid by giving your DD even a small amount of BM - it is really hard work expressng (I did it for my DS1 so I know exactly how hard) and every drop you expressed gave your DD immune system benefits and goodness knows what else that we don't even know about yet.

A BF counsellor could probably help you re the BF with PCOS.

TPL - I don't know why I didn't ask for more help from BF counsellors at the time. I got some help from a MW in hospital, but not very helpful help IYKWIM, and then dropped into a couple of BF clinics, but the attitude I seemed to encounter was "keep trying, you need to try harder". Or it might not have been, but in my slightly addled state, that was how I interpreted it. Whereas now with the benefit of hindsight, I would probably have said that I should be hammering down doors to get the help that I needed, including specialist PCOS advice. It all seems so simple now, but at the time, it was hideous and made me feel totally inadequate.

And my tits are knackered to boot!

Oh I know exactly what you mean. I had a very bad start in hospital with DS1 and let the MWs manhandle us both and mess things up - totally against my better judgement but as you say, I wasn't in a state to think about it rationally at the time.

I was much better informed before having DS2 and had my support network (mainly LLL leaders and friends) lined up in advance. I am still feeding him now at 12m and it has been virtually problem free, so don't feel that you are doomed or just a rubbish BFer like I did.

Thanks for the kind words and the glimmer of hope that it might not be the same with next DC. Who, by the way, hasn't even been conceived yet, and won't be for at least another year! I am such a worrier!

more hope for you - i have PCOS and hypoplastic breasts one much more than the other. i had a terrible time feeding ds1, mix fed from 3 months, exclusive ff by 4 months. i am now still feeding ds2 who is 2.1 yrs!

things i did differently - had a better birth (not something you can necessarily control!) so had more skin-skin, wasn't anaemic etc and really fed on demand, whcih was mostly every hour for the first few months, co-slept, carried in sling, did no expressing just fed from breast, got him weighed less and for some reason it worked out better.

i have heard good reviews about the book 'making more milk' that i think has things about PCOS in it, but have not read.

i am hoping that i will be able to feed dc3 (due in may) for as long as ds2, i might ask GP to prescribe me some domperidone just in case.

def recommend you seeing a bfc before the birth if you do have a dc2 so you can discuss the issues and strategies.

BoM, I have just followed on from your other thread. No! Certainly pat yourself on the back very well. There are so many benefits to both mother and child that I don't for a minute doubt that your BFing was not worth your (tremendous) effort. Yes, mixed feeding changes some aspects, but there are so many benefits e.g. antibodies, that your child received. It sounds like you persevered in a hard situation and did very well to keep it up.

The one recommendation (along with everybody else!) I would make is that if you do have problems with breastfeeding next time around, see a lactation consultant or similar as soon as you think there's something you need help with (I had to do this and it was a huge help). And don't worry if it seems trivial... they are there to help you and appreciate how small tips can make a world of a difference. Also, MN is a good source of support!

I think a big learning for me is prepare for the possibility that BF might not be as easy as it sounds in advance of the birth and have a support network near to hand. When you are in a flat panic is not the best time to be searching for help for the first time. Also, not to be ashamed to admit there is a problem - I was almost didn't want to say I was having issues, it was much easier to pretend that FF was a choice rather than a necessity, somewhat peversely.

Don't you just love MN - with DD I spent all my time hanging out on the pregnancy and AIBU thread and didn't use any other topics very much - more fool me!

Sorry - a superfluous "almost" in there! Its been a very long day.