Why do people feel BF beyong 12 months is more about the mother than the baby - genuinely interested.

[fruitstick]

Someone said this to me recently - that feeding beyond a year has more to do with the emotional needs of the mother than the needs of the baby.

I didn't particularly question it at the time as I've heard it so often over the years but really - why do people think this?

I am still BF DS2 at 11 months. I BF DS1 for 7 months then stopped. I planned to do the same with DS2 but just carried on. I intended to carry on until 12 months but I may carry on again.

But why would that be for my benefit not DSs?

It may not be about nutrition at that point but so little of the food we consume is (I wouldn't eat nearly so many biscuits if that were so).

And also, even if it were true, it implies that mothers are only allowed to do things that involve an element of self sacrifice.

This isn't intended to be a 'aren't they awful' thread. I am genuinely interested why people think that breastfeeding beyond 12 months no longer benefits the child.

Fishie- it's pregnancy that causes droopy boobs as they become much larger and the skin and the, well, not the ligaments, sorry, can't think what the word is, stretch and (almost) never get back to the original shape.
By the time you're bf damage is done.
Like your belly- stretches during pg and then you're left with saggy, wrinkly tummy.

I think people have this weird response to ex bf because to them it's something sexual iyswim- almost like when you let someone who is talking, walking etc suck on the part of the body that is associated with sexuality than it's improper in a way.

Oops - feling really embarrassed .

I thought that you were someone else from another thread, in which I am fully defending my position.

Please forgive me for my error.

I kind of want to give up bfing (for various reasons) but dd (20 mths) does not seem ready for this and would fight it if I tried to stop.

Our continued bfing is very definitely about her and not about me.

There are babies who give up and lose interest in the boob around the age of 1. My dd did and I had no problem with that. But if I had insisted on her carrying on- then I think it might have become more about me than about her.

So my take is, if you breastfeed for 3 years because child wants it- clearly about child.

If you get all hung up about the child wanting to move on- arguably more about you.

Not all toddlers are alike. Though probably most would be very happy to carry on breastfeeding for longer than they get to do at present.

And before you all start telling me that noone could possibly ever want to breastfeed a toddler who has lost interest- we do get the occasional thread of "help, what shall I do, my toddler has gone of the boob and I had planned to feed until 2 years old".

re spacing of children and bf - am i the only person who got her periods back 3 months after giving birth, despite exclusively bfing?! let me tell you, pmt while bfing is horrendous... seems to be getting worse as well, i have horrific water retention and painful bloating. DD is one now and still having a morning feed. this is why i want to give up now she's one! desperate to see if hormones return vaguely to something manageable

Lenin - I too have a theory re: independence and forcing it. People see it as trying to 'keep them a baby' and are in such a rush to make them independent.
IMO They are babies, and I'm sure they end up more confident if you let them wean themselves when they are ready than if you force them away.

Omaoma-

I got my periods back when dd1 was just eight weeks old, no problems with PMT and bloating though thankfully!

My ds is 15 months, very independent, loves creche, loves being looked after by his Oma, and also loves bfing.

ex bf also tends to keep periiods away, so child spacing as somneone has mentioned but not having periods is good for the mothers health too

I agree WOT. In fact DH said this to me last week. We were talking about controlled crying etc as a way of getting him to nap and he said 'he's not a baby anymore, he can nearly walk'

It's interesting that it is walking that we perceive as being the end of babyhood.

I must admit that DS2 is far more attached to me than DS1 was; suffers seperation anxiety far more and is a little more sensitive. However, I don't see this as a result of my BF and I certainly don't want him to be. More, I see this as a reason to allow him to keep feeding if he wants to.

I'm sure that ff and teaching them to settle themselves from an early age results in more independent, self-sufficient babies but I don't see that as the wholly grail in parenting. As they grow, obviously, but not when they are still babies.

But maybe I'm deluding myself and maybe that's what people mean - that he is needier as a result.

Fruitsrick - some children are just more sensitive. People always comment how DS2 is v. robust, gung-ho and independent and then they find out that he's still BF (he's 2.7 and most people assume he's no longer BF because of DD ) and then start making comments about that.

DS2 is still BF very much for him. I suggested he stop the other day and tears welled up in his eyes. Nursing definitely helps him cope with the world. DS1 (BF to 1yr and a more 'emotional' child anyway) found this age a lot harder. He probably would have anyway but not to the same degree.

Utter bollocks that it is more about the mother. People used to say that to me all the time.

It's about 'mothering' and the synergy between mother and baby.

I bf my ds until he was 2.5. It was a comfort to him and I was proud that I could be that comfort. For the last 6 months it really was when he needed comfort, it was a very discreet thing.

He's 7 now and most definitely a daddy's boy.

Fruitstick, I would definitely argue that your son is still breastfeeding because he needs the emotional link with you, not the other way round

Was definitely that way with mine - she finished last year at about 3.6, having had only a quick morning feed for what seemed like an age - and I was not enjoying it anymore. By the end I think she noticed I was not liking it very much and that precipitated the end of the road, which was perfect for both of us. Quite a gentle petering out, which is what I hoped for and could never imagine happening!

Honeymoonmummy, You are not a freak. Feel free to breastfeed your children as long as you wish to and yes it is good for their immune system.

pushmepullyou, I doubt that you really know multiple cases of children over the age of 3 years who have long term nursing issues and mothers who push them to nurse.

Are these mothers real life people who you know or more likely maybe edited documentations on TV (I can think of a couple of shows which might led you to think this way) I would be interested in hearing the details regardless.

shonaspurtle, You are totally right about spacing families. It is normally to have a 2/4 year gap between children when breastfeeding. DC1 and DC2 and two years about and DC2 and DC3 should also be two years apart.

BertieBotts, I am willing to bet that you are right regarding, 3 newborns must be easier to feed than three children of different ages. I might be finding out in summer if DD and DS are still nursing when DC3 arrives !!!

cory, Yes, I have seen threads about toddler nursing etc. Responding to a baby/child cues and not offer feeds is actually a form of mother led weaning. i.e. Don't Offer, Don't Refuse. So it could be argued that in order not to be weaning that mothers have to offer. Just a thought.

Re independence. Both my children are very independent still nursing has not effected them in this way.

Babieseverywhere, I agree with offering not a problem. Breastfeeding/weaning can clearly only be child led if the child gets options. But very occasionally, you do get a mum who gets very upset and rejected when the child says no thank you. And I don't think a toddler should be responsible for that kind of emotional reaction.

I have no doubt that if fairly faced with options, most children would continue nursing for longer than they do.

I've never seen a mother get upset when her toddler refuses to bf. In fact I've never seen a mother offer her toddler a bf; I have rarely seen a toddler bfing and if I have, then it's always been the toddler wanting the feed.

Fruitstick - its probably because they perceive bfing being as something for babies only, not for small children. In society there is such a push to get children to be independent of the mother from an early stage - to sleep in their cot, to sleep through the night - and honestly I feel the 12 month cut off for bfing some people spout is just another example of this pressure. IMO you should continue bfing for so long as both mother and child get something beneficial from bfing. BF DS1 until around 15 mnths - DS2 still going strong at 11 months and showing no sign of wanting to stop any time soon.

Child spacing wise - does anyone know if extended bfeeding can affect your fertility even if your periods have returned? DD is 15 months and we're starting to think about no. 2. My periods came back about 6 months ago and I assumed that meant I was back to normal, but does it have any other effect?

Thanks Leonie, that's what I thought, but wondered for a moment whether I'd got it wrong. I was surprised when my periods came back, thought the bfeeding would keep them away for longer. It did seem to coincide with DD starting to sleep through at night, and therefore no more night feeds. Funny how the body works isn't it?

babieseverywhere to be honest I only know a couple of cases personally, and I think only one of those was actually over three (the other was about 34 months iirc). I joined a bf support group after I had DD and a couple of the women there were discussing nursing strikes (9 days plus) in older toddlers and swapping tips on how to persuade their dc to feed eg waiting until they were asleep and lying down next to them with nipple against upper lip etc. I have to admit I was a little bit and did think I would personally be tempted to let it go.

That said fruitstick is talking about a 12 mo child, which imo is a different matter entirely. I am in complete agreement with the thread generally regarding 'natural term' bfing and certainly do not subscribe to the Dr Hilary Jones approach to breastfeeding older babies/toddlers! Fwiw I intend to breastfeed my DD until she decides she is ready to stop, although I have to admit that from my own pov I hope that this will be around the 2 years mark as I do find it rather draining to be last to bed and first up every morning!

still bfing my 24 month old and he has no intention of giving it up at the moment. Had it my my head he would half self weaned by now but having read the fab book MOthering your Nursing Toddler it says could easily carry on till 3 or even beyond!

He gets so much out of it and it is a very nice way for him to go to sleep.

He's a happy lovely little toddler and it feels right and natural. Got wonderfully supportive dp and older child so am very lucky. Re neagative views from people outside of immediate family, I really dont care what they think. We are doing what feels right and not what the 'current fashion' is.

And the only reason there is this 2 year age waved around is because there havent been adequate studies past the age of 2.