I love breastfeeding, i want to breastfeed this baby (due in a couple of weeks) but it according to some im doomed before i start :( am i???

[ManyMonkeys]

Im on my own, having ALOT of stress/hassle from very violent abusive ex (threatening to stab me, has recently slashed my tyres) i have a 9yo, an almost 7yo and a 4yo, obvioulsy majority of my life consists of running around meeting myself coming back with all thats involved in being a mum of 3, but when you add a newborn aswell plus i'll initially be recovering from a c-section, i can only assume the obvious = IMMENSE exhaustion, and while chatting to a friend recently, she pointed out that she is struggling to maintain a half decent milk supply to feed her dd (her no.3) and she has a husband to help, have i considered that i may be too tired, run down to have/maintain any decent enough milk supply to breaastfeed, and that i should prepare myself just in case i cant manage it I know reading this that may sound bad, she is a lovely girl but does tend to tell it like it is! Im now worried though that she may well be right? I would be incredibly disappointed if i couldnt breastfeed anyone have any experience of manic, busy, stressful chaotic life + breastfeeding???

Hi manymonkeys, my older sister has 4 dc. There is 5 years between her oldest and youngest so when her dc4 was born she had a 5 yr old, a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old.

DC4 was section no.4 for her.

She breastfed and even managed to express enough to donate on dc4 so it would seem she had no problem with her supply.

Every one is different I suppose and I know she always made a big effort to eat well and drink plenty.

She does have a dh but he works shifts and very long hours.

Reading this she sounds like a saint but as she says herself she just got on with things.

Best of luck with everything.

I'm sure you will make the right decision for you and your family when the time comes.

HTH

Hi, not sure if this will help but I had an emergency c section 5 weeks early and I thought my milk hadnt even come in yet. Very very stressful. I had a 3lb baby (again pretty stressful) and a 3 year old boy already. I expressed milk for 48 hours which he was tube fed and then managed to successfully latch him on and feed him myself and still am now 9 months later, I have alot of friends and family that breastfeed or have in the past and never known anyone say anything about stress affecting milk supply.
I had to routinely feed him every 3 hours day and night for his weight to gain (very knackered!!) and I am sure a prem tiny baby warrants as stressful and that didn't seem to affect my supply at all.
All you can do is try and go for it. If it doesn't work out at least you had a go.
Give it a go.

No no no no no! You're not doomed. Not at all.

It is a big myth that a busy, stressful life will mean that you don't have enough milk. Women manage to breastfeed in the middle of war zones and famines. The body really does have an amazing ability to keep going. Your friend may have supply issues, but that doesn't mean you will and it doesn't mean that you need a husband to help.

If you can get breastfeeding going, it will make your life soooo much easier. No sterilising. No washing up. No making up feeds. It will also save you a small fortune in formula costs and bottles.

If your older two are at school, could you get down to some sort of breastfeeding support group before you baby is born to get some support? Otherwise, post on here and lots of proper experts will help you.

Sorry to hear about your ex too. Is he the new baby's father, or a previous ex? If he's the father, I assume that access is unlikely, but if you are breastfeeding that is another good reason why he could never have an unsupervised visit. The boob would need to be nearby!

We moved into a building site when dd was 2 weeks old, dh had a bit of a breakdown, there was ALOT to do and I got PND. NOT the same as what you are dealing with by any means BUT if you are determined to BF you will you sound like a remarkable woman. I would really recommend getting a ring sling that you can bung the baby in whilst trying to do everything at once. With a little practice and luck you can even BF on the go, while cooking, cleaning, walking down the road etc. (although the manufacturers would not recommend this). I had a zolowear that I got on UKbabywearingswap cheap. Indispensable. Good luck. You rock.

what a lot on your plate manymonkeys, have you got people around to help?

being tired or not particularly well fed won't have any effect on your supply or ability to produce milk, but it might make YOU feel crap.

what you need is help with other children to give you the opportunity to bf and recover from cs, not friends giving you misinformation.

ManyMonkeys - I'm breastfeeding my 4th DC at the moment (he's 6 months, other DC are 3, 5 & 7) and yes looking after 4 DC is exhausting, manic, busy & stressful... Which is why breastfeeding is brilliant as it makes me take time to sit on the sofa and relax with my baby ever few hours!

Women living through terrible conditions and traumas all over the world continue breastfeeding their babies. Needing to rest to maintain milk supply is not based on the evidence, neither particularly is eating and drinking lots; your friend is obviously comparing herself to a docile mammal like a dairy cow. I prefer to compare myself to a more intelligent mammal, such as a tiger, which of course also feeds its young. I'm a powerful protector of my young, nurturing them and providing for them, and an important part of this, for me, is breastfeeding them.

On a practical level -

Get a decent sling which you can bf in (I can't manage to bf them in a sling when they're tiny, but from about 8 weeks onwards I can). I used a wrap sling called a moby, it was about £35. Also, putting him in the sling to get/keep him to sleep at times when I'm busy with the others has been essential. He lives in it from 3.30-6 every day!

Bfing on demand isn't the same thing as not having a routine. I, for example, always make sure I feed and play a lot with DC4 in the early afternoon, so that after school he will sleep.

Once baby is born, you may well be able to get a bit of help each week/fortnight from a homestart volunteer.

Turn your other DC into little helpers; get them to fetch adn carry for you while your bfing, so that once the bfing is finished you can have a bit of time to focus on them.

Consider co-sleeping. I'm not sure how I'd manage to get everyone up and out the house by 8.15 in the morning if I was as regimented about putting DC4 back in the crib as I was with DC1!

Try to spend time with people who increase your confidence. If this is a once off then ask your friend to try to support you by telling you how well you are doing and will do, rather than the opposite.

Best of luck with the delivery, and sorry to hear about the stress with your ex.

Oh im so relieved reading these! god ive been almost in tears worrying i wont be able to bfeed (think i cry too much at the moment tho - was blubbing at a Tesco advert last night ..) My other 3 are really really good kids, i would say that i know lol, but they are really well behaved, and fortunatley they are not my horrible ex's BUT yes, this baby is his and the constant stress and worry of him 'using' her to get at me forever more is almost crushing (terrified im going to struggle with bonding etc - but i guess thats another story) im trying really really hard to just get on with things, and i know that times are going to be hard in more ways then one, but im quite a earthy/spiritual person (not hippy-ish or anything, just 'traditional' i guess) and i wouldnt/couldnt judge anyone else, but for me bottle feeding is against all that feels natural, and id do anything to make sure i dont go that route. Your all right too - about women feeding amidst disaster and famine - never thought about it like that! My friend is so lovely, but like me she sometimes opens her mouth and launches her brain into gear later lol, she has no badness in her, but ive been thinking about what she said ever since, and her dd is now almost 7 months and she is only breastfeeding occasionally now, all other feeds are formula or solids, she hasnt said anything but she looks very down whenever she feeds her a bottle In some ways i think i envy mums who are confident and happy to bottle feed - there must be alot less guilt?

Oh ManyMonkeys. Hope you are feeling a bit better now.

Do you have support with your ex? Are the police or whoever involved if he's violent? I know it was a slightly flippant comment, but a friend of mine who has an awkward (though thankfully not violent) ex has actually found that breastfeeding made it far harder for him to try and manipulate things or request vists away from her.

On the bonding, do you want to talk about it? People here will support if they can.

Your friend sounds as if she quite possibly had issues herself which she is projecting onto you. You say that she is only feeding occassionally and that she "is struggling to maintain a half decent supply". I don't know when she started to mixed feed, but this can cause supply issues for many, many women. It doesn't sound like she had very good professional support to breastfeed.

Also, you mention in your last post that bottle feeding is against all that feels natural to you. Does that mean that you breastfed your older three? How did that go? If it went well, there's no reason to believe it won't again. Being tired is no match for an experienced breastfeeder! If it didn't, you know what type of issues you are likely to have and forwarned is for-armed. Either way, you're well set to make a success of number four!

Does that help a bit?

Yes i did breastfeed my other 3 well, my first dc became quite poorly at a few weeks old, and violently projectile vomited EVERY feed i was young, tired and convinced it was me so i gave up when he was about 5/6 weeks old, turned out he has a pretty bad dairy intolerance and he had a very carefully controlled diet. I bfed dc2 til he was 6 months, and dc3 til she was 17 months, but it seems like such a long time ago! I thought dc3 was my last. I do have some good support, my mum is wonderful and she is going to stay for a couple of weeks after this one's born, so im very lucky, but of course i know from before, that soooooooo much of the first few weeks is just sat for hours feeding! Its a little daunting, and if other people have found it too much and their milk suffers, it kind of makes it feel even more daunting! The police are involved with helping me, although they cant do an awful lot, his recent 'visit' resulted in my tyres being cut and my windscreen wipers being pulled out - they say because he was actually 'caught' doing it, no-one can prove it was him, despite the fact they have proof he threatened to come and wreck my car. His ex-wife says he still does it to her car, he sometimes came every couple of weeks and just stabbed her tyres, pulled her wing mirrors off etc, but even when she or i have seen him in the garden in the night, we call the police and he is gone by the time they get there! All i have is a LONG list of crime/incident numbers! He came one day when id popped out to the shop and he took my lovely dog, and left a note on my back door saying he'd not finished with me and was going to come and "cut me up" i of course gave this to the police and they cant prove it was him that wrote it/left it! I gave them my fingerprints to help, but he wouldnt give his, and they couldnt make him. Anyway, im ranting now, sorry As for the bonding, well, to be honest, ive not told/discussed with anyone, although i suspect my mum knows bless her, she very very frequently asks me about names, and how do i feel etc, im sure she's concerned but wont come out and ask, and i darent bring it up in case i 'open the floodgates' if you like. Think im almost scared to go there. Its not and anger towards baby - nothing to 'worry' about, i know its not her fault, but im terrified im going to spend her life looking to see if she looks like him, what about when she asks about her dad, how will i cope? Im absolutley terrified of him all i can think about sometimes is she has 'his' genes, what if i look at her and can only see him sorry if that sounds awful.

Got to run to do DD's tea, but just wanted to say:

17 months! You're a pro at breastfeeding! You'll do great! Yes, it does take time at first, but your older two are old enough to understand that, and even help out with the littler one a bit. Bollocks to this stuff about not making enough milk , you clearly can. Can't imagine it was easy with no. 3 either!

Don't have much I can help with on the ex, but do think about opening up to your mum. If you've got support there, it'll really help. If it's any consolation, I had a friend who went through the same feelings before the birth of her DD. Her ex announced he'd been having an affair with her best friend when she told him she was pregnant and they ran off together. Not violence, but still pretty horrid. Her DD is now 15 and they are as close as you can possibly imagine.

If you are a single mum, doing every feed yourself, breastfeeding would definitely be the EASIER option. I think the only way bottlefeeding would be easier is if there is someone helpful around to share the workload - with breastfeeding, it might be a bit non-stop to begin with (though as mentioned earlier in this thread you can feed in a sling etc) but once established, it is so much easier - no formula to mix, warm, bottles to clean, sterilise, formula to buy, etc. And night feeds are so easy, you can sleep through them - you can't do that with a bottle

I am sure you will make enough milk. I don't believe milk production is affected by stress at all. Why would it be - having a new baby is stressful! Nature does not design things so illogically. And in fact breastfeeding gives you lots of lovely oxytocin which is calming and helps you sleep.

You have 3 older kids who I am sure are excited about their new baby brother/sister, there are all sorts of things around the house they can help with (and it will make them feel grown up and responsible) that will take pressure off you, e.g. putting the washing machine on, making dinner (a really grown up job they will probably love).

Don't give up before you've started. Even if you only manage it for a short while, you will have given your baby a head start in life and shouldn't beat yourself up.

All the best.

Im a single mum of of 4 year old and pregnant with twins. I am being told the same. There is no way i will manage etc etc but im gonna give it a damn good try. Will probably make more effort to prove i can do it iyswim lol

I was far less exhausted from my C-section than from my vaginal delivery if that's any consolation. Apart from the section, I had spent weeks in hospital with preeclampsia, had had a bad reaction to medication and was very ill in the night after delivery (I have a hazy memory of a midwife standing over me muttering 'I don't like to leave the room when your blood pressure is like this"). I was still lactating like a cow!

Given that this baby has to come out somehow, don't make assumptions about the mode of delivery and its effects on you: that could go either way.