not enjoying breast feeding and want to stop

[nikkimac]

i wanted abit of advise,im a first time mum and a very big worrier-my son is now 7 weeks old and BF!!im finding it all very exhusting now and just not coping!!my relationship with my partner isnt good as im so unhappy with the feeding and he just doesnt no what to do to help!!iv tried expressing so OH can feed but im still finding myself crying at most feeds!i thought breastfeeding was suppose to feel amazing and a happy time but i just dont feel that(only unhappy with feeding-every thing else is great)iv done it now for 7weeks and he's been feeding great and gaining weight but i just think its not for me!!!i enjoy the baby days not look back and think of them as bad times!!what is the best way and any tips to stop breast feeding as i dont want to be in pain with my boobs and feel even more unhappy!!!!PLEASE HELP

Maybe try mix feeding so you can cut down gradually and your partner can help? 7 weeks is really good (and better than I managed)....

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time. It reminds me of my early days. I had read and heard so much about the 'amazing bond' and 'beauty' and all the other sentimental guff you hear about breastfeeding, that I was really struggling and wondering whether something was wrong with me because I didn't enjoy it. I remember sitting on the sofa all day and lactating, the daughter feeding consstantly and crying/arching away from the breast at the same time. I felt betrayed that it was so hard and not as fluffy and love-glowing warm as the NCT propaganda hat promised.

A few things helped me though:

a) an ace local bf support group where I could hang out with women who were going through the same thngs at the same time and where I got a lot of moral support, helpful hints and reassurance

b) an ace husband who took the child away from me for at least 30-60 minutes every day, so I could have some me time. I couldn't put the daughter to sleep for a while because the smell of milk kept her awake, so he took over that duty. He also helped me with the technical things, like getting the latch right and kept telling me how well I was doing

my daughter is 13 months old and on the breast as I type. I'm currently trying to wean her off the day time feeds (she diesn't have then when in nursery, so it's not that she needs them), and I haven't breastfed when she wakes at nighht for a week now either (husband gets up instead and comforts her back to sleep).

I still get breastfeeding fatigue, but am glad I carried on, as bottles always seemed much more inconvenient.

Anyway, if you really want to give up, do. You need to do what you feel comfortable with, and if breastfeeding just makes you unhappy,don't just carry on out of guilt.

ut if you don't want to give up yet, but hope for it to improve, there's plenty of help out there if you look for it. Google for a local peer supporter, they're usually ace and really helpful.

Whatever you do, good luck.

Hi nikkimac - congratulations on your new DS!

I'm not an expert by any means but wanted to post to say the bf isn't for everyone and you should do want you think is best for all of you. I mixed fed DS2 for 6 weeks then went to 100% ff as I was exhausted and struggling to recover from CS. It was the right choice for me as then I began to recover properly and had more energy to look after DS.

It will start to get better in the next couple of weeks, I assure you. This is definitely the worst bit.

My advice would be to not bother expressing: there are so many other ways for your partner to help out and expressing takes up a lot of precious time.

7 weeks is still quite early on and a lot of mums can find it difficult especially when they might not have the right support from their partner. You are doing an amazing job to get to this point, how do you feel your son is feeding? How long does he sleep at night for you?

Dont beat yourself up over it!

It does get easier. I spent many a day biting into a muslin whilst latching my babies on! I think Ds1 was nearly 12 weeks before i felt confident feeding him! i hated bf DS1 but have LOVED it 2nd time around with DS2 (i am just weaning him off BF at 7 months)

There is also nothing wrong with FF - most babies are! if you really are certain that you want to stop then just drop a feed every few days (if you drop feeds to quicly you may feel engorged & uncomfortable & risk mastitus or blocked ducts,) - I have been dropping a feed a week as im not in any real hurry to stop. With DS1 though he refused the breast once i started dropping feeds & I didnt know that that could happen at the time.

www.kellymom.com was recommended to me on here & has been a lifesaver for me at times!

Good Luck with your decision.

he doesnt sleep very well and is feeding from 5pm on and off til about 10 then will wake up 2hours later for more and then 3hourly!!he is very restless at night and a dummy has helped but im still getting about 4-5hours sleep a night!!im not good at staying on my own and out and about alot during the day so i expess in the morning and give him a bottles of Breastmilk during the day if im out!iv had problems with feeding from day one as had problems with latching on,mastitis and he had a slight tongue tie but it started gettin a little easier and latching on better and he was gaining weight and still is but it doesnt seem to be getting any easier for me!!a tiny part of me wants to keep doing it but only because i no its so good for him but its not making me happy i want to feel myself again and making me very depressed! how do i about stopping BF- can a formula feed him and BF at night and gradually stop!!aargh!!i want to enjoy him at this age but all i keep thinking and worrying about BF him and whats the right thing to do for my son!!

His routine sounds completely normal! It sounds like you have been through a lot with bf but that is the worst bit over & it will get easier from now on!

I too am always out & about too- if we are not out the door by lunchtime then my toddler is climbing the walls (I have made a real rod for my own back lol)

If you are certain that you want to stop, Look on kelly mom about how best to stop but from my own expereince, In the morning you are most full, so carry on feeding/epressing at that time, drop a feed later in the day when your supply is lower and go from there.

I found this for you

The first 6-8 weeks are usually the worst and then things start getting easier, so you have done the worst of it already.

I see you like getting out and about a lot and are expressing for when you are out - I guess maybe you aren't comfy BF in public? I wasn't with my DD1 and I went out to people's houses where I could BF, or to shopping centres where there were shops with good BF places (John Lewis is excellent).

I only mention it as if you are expressing bottles of breast milk for when you go out, that is harder work than just feeding on the go.

Well done for lasting this long Nikki.

My DD1 is 5.5mo.

I felt cheated by bf: it wasn' t easy; it wasn' t convenient;it didn't give me freedom;my baby didn' t glow/pick up much weight;I sobbed with latching on;I 'had to' xpress and NEVER want to see a pump EVER again.

I stuck at it out of pure determination&thanks to DH&Friends. The 1st 8 weeks were awful and I am only just starting to forget them.

She is now ff during the day and bf morning and night. We 'had to ' get her onto ff as I am returning to work soon and it' s non comnpatible with bf.

Only you can decide what to do.

It is difficult to find good advice re ff as bf is apparently better and pressure to promote it. You will find very strong advocates which is entirely appropriate.

Giving ff does not=failure.

To be a good mum you also need to be confident and happy.

I have no idea what I would do if we are ever lucky enough to have another one!

Hope this helps. It sounds as if you LO is behaving entirely normal and you are doing v well.

MN is great so please keep writing. V experienced folk might comealong soon.

Please don't be so hard on yourself you are doing so well and there are a few things you can try that might make things easier for you. It sounds like you don't really want to give up just yet and are looking for some support and advice. You know you are doing the best for your baby by perservering but you feel like you are struggling.

Well done for carrying on through the mastitis and the tongue-tie it must have been quite tough.

These early days are hard especially in the evenings as a lot of mums find that their babies want to constantly feed and be cuddled. This is normal and can indicate a growth spurt and it will soon pass. Have you tried settling down somewhere comfy for the evening with some snacks, magazines, remote control and drinks to hand and just allowing your son to feed as often as he wants? This will in turn help to increase your milk supply.

Are you able to feed your son lying down? During the night some mothers find that having the baby in bed with them helps as they are able to breastfeed lying down on their side and can drop back off to sleep whilst baby has his feed. Baby is often much more settled too. This has helped many a mother enormously as they are able to function much better during the day after a decent nights sleep. Always follow the guidelines for safe co-sleeping though.

How do you find feeding your son when you are out and about?

Well done for managing 7 weeks!

I like you have found breastfeeding a rollercoaster ride and as soon as im exhausted to a point im in tears feeding my DS. I substituted 1 of his feeds for a bottle of formula for about a week because it was quicker to feed him and then he would sleep for a good few hours meaning i got some rest. Personally, i didnt want to give up on bf i just needed some kind of break and light at the end of the tunnel and this really helped us. Im now not as sleep deprived and we have cut out the formula.

Whatever you decide has to be right for you and your baby. The HV had said to me that as great as it is bf its not worth haing an unhappy mummy for who isnt enjoying their baby. My advice would be to take every feed at a time and every feed you give your DS is a bonus.

yesterday i was ready to give up and gave him formula at half 12pm!!he lasted 4hours but that was down to alot of rocking him to sleep and lots of entertainment!it got to half 4 and he was hungry and crying and all i felt like doing was putting him on the breast!my partner gave him a 4oz bottle of BM and then i fed him on and off till he was happy!!than had a bath at 7 gave him a bottle of formula at half past7 and he was asleep by just gone 8 and woke up pretty much every 3-3 half hrs and i BF him!it gave me a little bit of a sleep but now im worrying that im confusing him and i want do it in a way that wont!!!i just want to find a way that is best for us both but i think iv just confused myself aswel on what to do!! im not very confident about feeding when im out and usually give him a bottle that iv expressed!so maybe i should try ff him during the day before he goes to bed ff and bf when he wakes up at night!!is that too confusing!!!!

I would say 7 weeks is still quite early on. It gets much easier after about 8 weeks, and a real doddle after 6 months.

Have you considered that you have PND?

But if you want to stop. Introduce a bottle a day every few days. You will be able to tell when your body had adjusted to the new lower demand and then introduce another bottle gradually.

I did it a bottle a day per week if that makes sense.

I think that you need to work out what it is about breastfeeding you are finding hard. If it is the lack of sleep - sorry but most 7 week old babies wake every 3 hours or so, even if they are formula fed. Of course your partner could then share the night feeds, but if he is working and you are not then many women feel this is unfair - you will have to work this out between you of course.

Ways that you can reduce the burden of night feeds with a BF baby are either to sleep with the baby in your bed (make it a safe environment, and don't do it if you or your partner smoke) or if this is not possible/practical, and your partner is happy to do this, get him to pick up the baby from the cot, bring him to you in bed, let you feed him lying down half asleep and then when the feed is finished he takes the baby back to the cot.

Also sleep when he does during the day. I know you said that you go out a lot and I think that is great as it can be a lifesaver to get out of the house in the early days, but I found that if I took my time with breakfast and getting ready to go out that my DS would have a little sleep in the morning and I could go back to bed with him and catch up on some sleep, even if it was only a couple of hours it made me feel a little bit better. It is hard when they are little and don't sleep for long at a time.

If you feel uncomfortable feeding while you are out, is this something you want to work on? There are lots of places with mother & baby rooms where you could go to feed, or you could use a muslin or blanket over the baby so that nobody can see anything - but if it is friends and family making you uncomfortable I understand that and it is all very well saying there is nothing wrong with BF but if you are not a confident person it is hard to keep it up when people are making horrible comments all the time. However often people will surprise you - if you haven't fed in front of them before you could always mention it to them and see what they say.

I think if you want to move to mixed feeding the best thing to do is replace one feed with a bottle every few days and let your supply adjust slowly. If you suddenly go to only feeding at night then you will end up engorged and your milk might dry up because your body will think your baby has stopped feeding.

You have done a lot of good for your baby by breastfeeding this far and don't feel bad for stopping if it is what you want.

I too found BF emotionally hard. I started mix feeding at about 6 weeks. It helped as DH would stay up and do feed and change at about 11 and i could have a good chunk of sleep from say 9pm to 5am.

you've done well getting this far and formula feeding is not failure, if you do decide to mix feed or give up completely.

If you want to mix feed then you need to be aware that introducing formula will reduce the amount of milk you produce and your baby may decide that he doesn't want to breastfeed anymore and refuse the breast. You need to think of how you will feel if this happens. Studies have shown that by introducing formula the risk of your son developing allergies and other intolerences is increased and just one bottle will change the type of bacteria that populate his gut. It takes a good few weeks of exclusive breastfeeding to change it back again to the healthier type of flora.

Bertiebots has made some very good points and also about going to mother and toddler groups or local breast feeding groups where you can get some support and confidence in feeding in public.