Please help - am BF and have no idea what I'm doing!

[stellamel]

DS is 9 days old and we are in a feeding frenzy - none stop, been like this since my milk came in. I literally can't get off the settee, he wants to feed almost without pause and is only content to come off the breast for about 10 mins tops, I don't know if this is normal or whether I am doing something wrong. He often nods off on the breast and needs waking to carry on.

I need advice on what is normal and what is not. Do I for example wake him in the night to feed him or let him wake me, do I feed on demand even when he has been fed already, do I put him back on as soon as he cries and starts 'rooting', or do I let him cry (which I don't want to do at all). I just don't know what is right or wrong, I couldn't BF my DD despite our best efforts, so this is all new to me.

Should be be starting to find a routine or is he way too young, he doesn't have any kind of sleeping pattern, is this also normal? I am sorry if this sounds completely ridiculous, but I am desperate to make this work with him. He latches on fine and I can hear him drinking, but he does, as I mentioned, have a tendancy to nod off quite easily.

My DP goes back to work on Wed and I am in a panic about how I am going to take care of my DD if I can't get off the ruddy settee.

If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful. TIA

He is only tiny, just go with it for now. Even if it seems like he has just fed and wants to feed again, it's normal. It does calm down after a while but it's not unusual for things to start out this way.

Again at 9 days he's unlikely to have any sleeping pattern. At night you can make it more low key, keep the lights dim etc. Eventually night and day will become more distinct for him. I wouldn't wake him to feed in the night unless he's gone a really massive amount of time, how long does he sleep for?

When DS was still little like that I used to change his nappy when he nodded off on me, and if that woke him up, stick him back on to feed again. It seemed to help to squeeze a bit more into him, and then he'd sleep for a bit longer between feeds.

I can't help on how you manage with a toddler as well though, but I'm sure someone will come along with advice!

Congrats on the birth of your DS. I lurked on your birth thread - can you yet out and about yet with the snow?

Sounds about normal to me for the early days.

The trick for me was to accept that I was probably going to be rooted to the sofa for a while and make sure you everything was around me that I needed like drinks, laptop, TV remote. In fact the early days of BFing is how I discovered MN.

Way to early for any sort of routine. If it's any consolation my DS is 10 months and we've only just got a feeding routine although the amount of BFing has gradually reduced since weaning at 6months.

I tended to feed DS2 as soon as he made a noise as I really struggled to tell when he wanted a feed. It sounds like your instinct s to do something similar and not let him cry but feed him. Babies also feed for comfort as well as nutrition.

Lack of sleeping pattern is also normal. Just do the best you can to make night different from day so he can begin to differentiate.

Hopefully somebody will be along soon who can help you more. You're doing a grand job.

Did you not know that CBeebies was specifically set up to entertain older DCs while mothers were BFing younger siblings?

Oh my goodness, you poor thing! I remember those early days so well and you do feel like you're both attached permanently. You sound as though you are doing fabulously I agree with everything tinierclanger says above.

I can say that it will calm down, in time. I also had a toddler at the same time and I used to plonk him in from of Cbeebies with a special bag of toys that came out only for those times. Lots of reading books at the same time too.

I also used to try not to let DD go longer than 3 hours between feeds in those rare times she'd just zonk in the day. It felt awful to wake her, but it really helped to get her used to night and day as she eventually had her longer sleeps at night (didn't wake her at night for a feed if she was asleep longer than 3 hours - though that didn't happen before about 2 months anyway).

have you a sling?

i have one and it's a godsend as i have ds 8wks and dd 3.7

First of all remember that the constant feeding doesn't last for ever - it just feels like it.

Also, don't worry about what will happen when your DH goes back to work. You will manage. Its amazing what you can and have to do when you are constantly feeding a newborn and caring for a toddler. Lots of sticker books that you can help with one-handed, cbeebies etc.

IME it is best not to leave a tiny baby to sleep more than about 4/5 hours (less if its during the day). My DS slept brilliantly at night (about 5/6 hour stretch) but ended up losing weight cos he was more interested in sleeping than feeding.

With regard to the constant feeding, I think it depends (sorry not very helpful!). Some people will say feed constantly and go with it. With my DD she fed pretty constantly and I was just in bits after about 3 or 4 weeks. So I had to try and get her into a bit of a routine. Really I just made sure she stayed awake as much as possible during the feed, and tried to stretch out the time between feeds with exciting activities such as nappy changing/baths!

My DS is now 8 months and DD is 3. I got lots of new sticker books, dress up box to try and occupy her a little and gave in and let her watch far more TV than I would have wanted. She now knows the Backyardigans episodes off by heart. DS fed constantly as well, its hard but I just went with it and he did eventually go longer inbetween.I fed whebever he wanted it couldn't bear to hear him cry. Have you tried feeding him in different positions, (rugby hold) so you are not cuddling as much and they are not as warm and likely to nod off? Also during the day I used to undo his clothes so he would get as cosy and nod off. Do you have any support once your DP goes to work? Sometimes someonelse holding them can help as I'm sure my DS could smell milk as soon as I was near him and then wanted to feed. It might give you a break even if they can only make it for a day a week. You can then spend a little time with your toddler. I too was in a bit of a panic before DH went back to work but when he did I just about managed. Also have you tried a sling? I found these good to feed in and you can get around abit more once you have had a little practice. Is there a La Leche support group near you. Mine ran from the Surestart centre and may be useful as a shoulder to cry on and have other mums in the same boat.

Thanks for the speed of the replies! Sofaking we can finally get out and about - the rain came today thankfully, so the snow is going at last! hallelujah!

He slept for almost 4 hours last night - before wanting a feed.

Also my boobs feel almost empty at times with the crazy feeding - so I worry about whether I'll 'dry up' before he gets what he needs, is this normal? At night they're the opposite but this must be because he sleeps for some of it!!

I was thinking of the TV/DVDs etc for DD, but felt guilty about not doing things with her. But she is at pre-school in morning, so gets lots of stimulus there, so maybe if this mad feeding settles down then it won't be a tele-fest forever.

I do keep nights as dark as poss, and feed him lying down - the only time i put the light on is when I need to change his nappy.

sling sounds a good idea, might look into that

Dont worry about the boobs as long as you feed the milk will keep coming. Plenty of wet/dirty nappies and you are doing fine.

He's doing his level breast to bring your milk in as quickly as possible - it takes about 6 weeks, give or take, for milk supply to be fully established. A few weeks of more TV won't scar your daughter and hopefully DS will let you have a bit more time in-between feeds then!
Congrats on his birth, I too was lurking on your thread, waiting for news

I agree. Your boobs will probably feel empty, but as long as there are plenty of wet and dirty nappies, they are doing their job perfectly!

Mine don't ever feel full now, even though we are down to 3 feeds a day. However, I know there is milk there.

Well done and good luck x

Hi Stella, Just to echo what's already been said - constant feeding normal at this stage. There's often a growth spurt around 10 days too which may be why you feel it's non-stop!

I found it easiest to go with the flow - feed even if he only fed 10 mins ago if he asks etc, and personally I find it easier to not have a routine for baby when you also have a toddler.

DS is nearly 3 and DD is 3 months now - There's been an awful lot of CBeebies & DVDs but I also sit on the floor to feed DD alot so that I can help with jigsaws/games etc.

It will get easier, and your DD will cope alot better than you think - I know my son has. The fact she goes to preschool will be a big help - try to concentrate on lots of feeding/interaction with Jimi whilst she's out, rather than doing housework. I remember feeling really guilty over the first month or so for giving so little time to my DS, but he managed fine, and things are gradually getting back to normal. Would it be possible for someone else to take/collect DD from preschool so that you're not 'wasting' time travelling to/from school and you can just stay in with DS and make the most of the time?

I agree a sling's a great idea - really useful for doing activities with your DD, although your DS will get very cosy and comfy in there so make sure he's still feeding 2-3 hourly in the day. (I go from the start of the last feed to start of the next.)

4 hours at night is great at this age, hopefully when he wakes at night he will feed and go straight back to sleep. Keeping light off/very low should help, and don't bother winding unless you have to.

Don't worry about not 'feeling' your milk - it's there! Nappies are the best indicator of whether he's getting enough.

Good luck!

Some good info on here, stellamel...it's certainly true that freq feeding is normal.

However, not sure what you mean by needing to wake him in order to get him to stay feeding. That is not usually necessary. Instant falling asleep on the breast is not usual.

I don't think there is enough info in your post to make a comment about whether things are going well or not - they may be, but no one can tell!

The midwife has been involved, yes? What does she say?

Signs all is well include: several soft yellow poos each day and heavy (with wee) nappies; no further weight loss after about day 5 and weight loss up to that time of

Oh, you're bringing it all back to me! Being stuck on the sofa almost permanently and trying to eat my dinner whilst bf!

All entirely normal from my experience. DS often fell asleep whilst feeding in the early days, however he was slow to start as he was born with jaundice. If he was instantly falling asleep as soon as he started feeding, I would often unwrap him a bit to cool him down to see if that made him a bit more alert.

However, I would keep an eye on the wet/dirty nappy situation as already suggested in addition to weight gain.

In addition to the hv (who I didn't find very helpful), I did use the NCT helpline a couple of times and also the local bf group just to check his latch was OK.

There's a great book called 'What to expect when breastfeeding and what if you can't' that was a saviour to me. I know it's not possible to go to a book store and you may not have time to read it anyway but it was so helpful when I started. If you can get it on Amazon next day delivery. I know it sounds funny to recommend a book at this point but it was brilliant.

I'm no expert but the feeding, dropping off thing sounds like maybe your latch isn't quite right and it's taking him a long time to get the amount he needs. It's just practice and he'll also get way more efficient at feeding as he gets older.

I had a lot of problems breastfeeding and after 5 weeks I had a private breastfeeding councillor come round and help me with my latch and give some advice. It was fantastic, the best £50 I spent and made a huge difference and allowed me to continue to breastfeed for a lot longer than I would have without her help.

I'd totally recommend getting in touch with your HV or local NCT or private breastfeeding councillor for some guidance and reassurance. There may be a local breastfeeding cafe in your area (mine was just fantastic) and that would be a great place to start. The HV will help out with any questions and check your positioning etc plus there will be other mums there to offer their help as well.

thank you for the advice, there is a breast feeding support group in the village on fridays I will go along to the next one and get them to see how DS feeds and if his latch is wrong - he doesn't open his mouth very wide, no matter what I do, but he looks like he's on correctly and he has the bf blister.

Was back in hospital with him yesterday, he stopped breathing a couple of times during feeding, the Drs think it's reflux so he's got infant gaviscon, which makes me sad to think he's in medicine at 11 days .

...on medicine

tiktok he nods off while I'm feeding him, he still sucks but only every few seconds and more like a dummy than a breast, if I jiggle him and rouse him he starts sucking properly again.

He's put on 11oz since last friday and his nappies seem right, wet and dirty. He was born with slight jaundice too, so maybe that effects things

stella, you are clearly in touch with a midwife or you wouldn't know how much he weighed, and a gain of 11 ounces in 8 days plus normal nappies show that whatever is happening, he's getting well fed