Is everyone lying?

[wrigglershouse]

I'm getting a bit confused and starting to worry about BFing. DD is 11 weeks (12 on monday) and is just coming out of a growth spurt during which she fed constantly during the afternoons and evenings and more often than normal at night.

Up until now she has fed for about 30 mins out of every 90 during the day, cluster fed in the evenings and woken x2 between 11pm and about 8.30am. I have been quite happy with this and she now appears to be varying a bit more - sometimes feeding 30 mins out of 60, sometimes 30 mins out of as much as 2 1/2 hrs. The evening cluster feeding is calming a tiny bit in that she is starting to sleep from about 10 rather than 11. She is growing fine.

But lots of people (and BF mums not just ff) are expressing surprise and horror at how much she feeds - even saying they would "not let" their baby feed so much. Yet lots of people also say how not right and impossible it is for babies to be fed 3hrly on a schedule as most will want to feed more frequently. So do all 11/12 week babies feed 2 1/2 hrly - to be between what DD does and what GF etc suggest? Or are other Mums feeding as freq as me and not just admitting it in public? Or is GF right? Should I be trying to get her to go longer somehow? I currently feed on cue - she's pretty bloody obvious with her baby bird faces, tongue sticking etc...

I'm no expert on bf, but if you and your DD are comfortable with what you're doing, and you're both happy and healthy, I'd carry on.

I think a few things may be going on with the responses you're getting. For example, people forget very quickly what they did, more old-fashioned feeding 'schedules' have a lot of influence, even when passed down from grandparents etc, some may be lying (I'm convinced people fib about sleeping), some may not have babies who want as much milk as yours does. It looks liek this has built into a picture in which you're doing something abnormal.

If it feels right for you and DD, do it.

Some babies are more effective at bf than others too.

If you and your baby are happy, that's the main thing - don't worry about what other people are doing - they've not got your baby for one thing.

(I'd have been very pleased to only have had 2x during the night by then!!!)

And more people on MN seem to be using their GF as doorstops than for their routines if any of the recent threads are true - I never read the books, so can't comment!!!

You are doing absolutely the right thing. Feeding on demand is the best way to get your milk supply fully established. I know several people who BF'd to a schedule who got so stuck on it that they couldn't respond properly to their baby's cues, and they all ended up stopping BF when they hit the 4-month growth spurt because they thought their supply was dropping off.
It wasn't, but they weren't feeding frequently enough for it to increase as the baby needed it to.

Carry on as you are and please don't let the ill-informed comments of others worry you at all

If you're demand feeding and both happy then how can you be doing anything wrong?

fwiw your 'schedule' sounds about right as far as I remember (DD is nearly 14 mo and now bfs morning and night only).

If you and your dd are happy, and she's growing nicely and you're getting enough sleep yourself then there's no need to worry about what other people thing FWIW, I don't think the other mothers are lying - IME, both my dc's did feed at 2.5-3 hourly intervals during the day (bf) and were sleeping 11-7 at night by 12 weeks, but every baby is different and mine were both very efficient feeders who love their sleep (and their mother is the same ). Relax, and enjoy your DD

My DS fed hourly up until 12ish weeks? I remember being so surprised one morning when he happily went two hours. At 17 weeks he is now 2-3 hourly during the day. I never given a toss about when he is 'supposed' to feed though - have always been led by him.

Your sleep pattern sounds like ours was and this has gradually reduced to one feed at 5. A full nights sleep in my book

2.5hrly would have been lovely with DS at that age. He had dropped his afternoon/evening cluster feeds down to 3-4 hours instead of 6+ by that point, and feeding regularly day and night (he had shorter feeds every couple of hours in the morning which let me go out easily with a short cup of tea stop )

I once got told by an antenatal group 'friend' that she didn't think she'd seen DS's face till he was 6 months old cos he was always latched on. I was considered a bit of a martyr and hated knowing that pretty much everyone I know thought that if only I had tried, I could have made him go a bit longer between feeds. Now I just think "bollocks to them!"

Perfectly normal and right. It can be hard at times but it does pass! Many babies do feed that often, or less often and are fine, but you need to follow your baby, as you are clearly doing

Keep up the good work!

Oh, and lots of people stop BF between 6 and 12 weeks and I think that it is a lot to do with unrealistic expectations. And not feeding on demand can impact milk supply and actually cause a problem that probably wasn't there to start with, so its a bit of a vicious circle.

some babies are just like this. DS felt for about an hour at a time, regularly (maybe every 2 hours with a few longer breaks) for ages. I remember seeing a friend at a group and she'd said her DD fed at 7 and wouldn't feed again until about 11, I was so - they were about 7 months then.
DD otoh has been one of the 'easy' ones, 10 min feeds, fairly regularly but can do longer gaps if required and shes only 17weeks!

I was always worried about this, especially when my MIL would say "your not feeding her again are you " (silly cow).

As soon as I calmed down and accepted the situation the happier we both were. I don't do routine with feeding, if she wants boob, she gets boob. After all my current job is raising DD. DD is currently 17 weeks and feeds probably 45 minutes out or every 2-3 hours, and goes to bed at 7.30 and sleeps straight through 12 hours without waking. She has done this by herself and it works well, I am here for her during the day then I get evenings with DP.

I suppose what I am trying to say is "Do what makes you and baby are happy"

Sounds fine to me. DS fed pretty much 1 hour out of three for the first 4 months during the day, and more frequently at night. So although the pattern was slightly different to yours, the length of time total in a day spent feeding is pretty similar. It got quicker at about 5 months or so - when he still fed 8 - 9 times a day, but the feeds took around 25 minutes instead of nearly an hour.

Totally agree with Alibaba. Feeding on demand is the way to go. Just ignore the comments... once you feel happy that you're doing what's best for you and your DD it's easier to feel secure even when people criticise. Babies are all different, and you know yours best.

my nearly 16 week old feeds 2-3 hrly, and during the night, he's normally up twice between 10 and 4! although most friend's babies are managing longer sleeps, I figure it's just how much my DS needs. even my health visitor says it's normal, and not to let it worry us, although he should be sleeping better by 6 months. I hope so as I have to go back to work then.

Sounds pretty much like DD when she was that age. You sound like you are doing a FABULOUS job!

Thank you all so much! I've had a particularly difficult time the last 3 days with the growth spurt - on wed she literally fed from about 3 until 11 with brief stops to demand to go over to the other side which I knew was just a growth spurt, and she has indeed grown out of a load of her clothes. But talking with people about growth spurts most of them seem to be describing her "non-spurt" pattern!

I do think she can go longer when we're out and she's interested in stuff than when we're home and she's bored but I am much more likely to want a biscuit or some cake when bored at home!

If you are demand bf, then this pattern sounds completely normal to me. From what I can work out (and I only have my experience to go on), bf babies can vary their feeding frequency quite often, according to supply and demand. As others have already said, feeding to a schedule can cause issues with supply.

Tbh, I would ignore what other people say and go with the flow. You are responding to your DD's needs in exactly the right way imho and she is still really young too.

Keep going, you sound as if you're doing brilliantly to me!

Your lo sounds v similar to my dd1 - she fed really often and then at gs times would just want to be permanently attached - I remember one 9 hour stint as well! Sounds like you are being really responsive. Some babies just do need to feed lots.

Don't get me wrong - I like the GF sleeping routines and they've worked well for my two DDs - but the BF advice in her books is an absolute pile of crock, its just the FF advice slightly changed to make it look like she's promoting BF above FF (and of course, being a nanny rather than a mum, she's always going to be FF, so can't know what BF is like).

If your DD is sleeping for good long stretches at night, which it sounds like she is, and you are both happy and healthy, then you are doing it absolutely perfectly. FWIW both of mine have been EBF and were never happy going longer than 2 - 2.5 hours in the day for a feed (although my feeds were shorter than yours) until they were on solids at 6 months. DD1 slept through from the late feed at 4 months, DD2... we're still waiting! They're all different, so ignore anyone who says they should be doing X,Y or Z.

If you are happy with your feeding and it works for you then ignore everyone else. You're the one raising her and you know what's best for you both.

Lots of my friends do things I wouldn't do and vice versa but different strokes for different folks. And it's okay to say to people who are commenting that you and DD are happy and that's all that matters so they can keep their opinions to themselves.

I use a GF routine as the basis for my day with DS but we're pretty flexible about the whole thing and it works for us. Like Lukewarm GF's advice about breastfeeding times never worked for me either as DS was super hungry and always needed feeding. He's on solids now and that has made a big difference as he does go longer between feeds.

Keep up your great work.

around 10 wks mine fed every 2 hours from 6am till 10pm and then a couple of times in the night. my attitude was i would rather he was doing this than waking all night.
you're doing fine, she sounds spot on x

My DS never got to going 3 hours without a feed before weaning onto food (and I continued to BF until he was 20 months). What I mean by that is when breast milk was his only food he never went 3 hours without a feed. He fed constantly.

If you are coping ignore everyone else. They don't know anything about feeding your child. Only you do.

Sounds about right to me - just ignore them. My DS2 fed about every 2.5 hours during the day and almost constantly from 6pm til 10pm until about 14 weeks.

I too believe that this is why so many mothers stop breastfeeding - they are convinced that they are doing it wrong, they haven't enough milk, babies should feed so often. But they should if they want to and if you dont' mind.

There comes a point, I can't remember when, when their feeding gets much more efficient and they are done in about 10 minutes - so you're not tied to the sofa all day. Also, as they develop they begin to take more interest in what's going on and can't be arsed to look at your boob all day.

If this is your first baby then just enjoy it. When I went through this with DS2, and had to placate DS1 with cbeebies and biscuits, I longed for the days when I was unable to move from the sofa and sky plus .

Sounds to me like you are going a marvellous job.

That sounds like my DD1. She fed a lot, even when she was older that your DD. I remember that my DH suggested a feeding diary once (when she was being weaned - so over 6 months) and I lasted two days. It was too bloody depressing to see how often she was latched on! She was, and still is, fine. As was I.

The gradual decrease of the evening cluster feed is lovely, isn't it? I was thrilled both times when our DDs started going to sleep just that little bit earlier, and we started to get our evenings back. I never minded at the time, as I was careful to make sure that I sat down and rested and was waited on by DH, but even so, a little adult time is very welcome when you have a small baby.

I agree with all the previous posters. Each baby is different and some need more time on the breast than others. I do remember my health visitor watching DS1 and saying that boys are generally feeders or cuddlers but that it looked like I'd got both! I didn't really put him down for 4 months (when, thankfully, he learnt to sit) but I wouldn't have done a thing differently. He's 12 now and is almost weaned (joke!).

I don't think parents lie but I do think they have selective memories or interesting interpretations. I had very poor sleepers and was permanently exhausted! I found a great piece of research which questioned parents about their child's sleep patterns. I forget the exact figures but something like 90% of parents reported that their 9-12 month old slept through. On questionning about the previous night, something like 40% of children had woken!

When I was potty training, all my friends children were dry at night. BUT most were lifting them before they went to bed. One even told me that their child had 'accidents' 2-3 times a week! But they were all convinced their children were fully trained!

Only sane route is to do what feels right to you, agree with everyone (it saves stress, no point arguing, each to her own) and do your own thing.