Am I doing this all wrong??

[BunnyLebowski]

DD is 15 months old and breastfed. She takes small amounts of water and cows milk during the day and bf's about 3/4 times in the day.

Now at the moment she is teething (face-meltingly smelly nappies, permanent snotty nose and general grumpiness) so she isn't her usual self.

So for the past 2 weeks she has gone from waking once in the night for a quick feed and then going back over to waking twice, having really long feeds and then freaking out when I try to put her down and I end up sleeping in the spare bed with her and she feeds all night which is resulting in me being a sleep deprived, sore-nippled grump.

DP told me this morning that he thinks I give in too easily and feed her 'too much' and that it's time to get her off the boob . He thinks the teething is just an excuse on my part to keep doing what I'm doing.

I admit I do go to her when she's crying and feed her. It's easy and guaranteed to work.

He suggests that from now on after a quick feed at the first waking I go back to our bed and he puts her down and if she wakes again then I am not to go to her at all and he will shush her/read her to sleep.

Does this sound like a sensible thing to do?

Or would I be depriving her of comfort/milk that she needs?

Sorry for rambling. Any advice would be great. My head is fried with this.

You have just described my life, although my dd is 17 months. I think there is a middle ground to be found between getting her 'off the boob' entirely and sorting out her sleep.

'He thinks the teething is just an excuse on my part to keep doing what I'm doing.' This seems an odd thing to say. You are bf for your dd's benefit, not your own! Although his plan does seem sensible, and that is exactly what we are planning to do tonight.

We must be mystically linked

I will report back.

i think that while she is teething and unhappy it would be a really bad idea to try and nightwean her.

if you do want to stop feeding her at night that's fine, but i would do it when she is well

btw have you been dosing her with calpol? might help at night

Oh Humphrey you've no idea how reassured you've just made me! Thank you!

DP has always been very supportive of me bf'ing and he praises me for it.

I think the lack of sleep and the screaming is getting to him and maybe he thinks that life would in some ways be easier if dd wasn't bf'ing anymore. (Not helped my his comparing our dd to our friend's formula fed dd who sleeps from 7pm to 7am every single night ).

I agree about there being an ideal middle ground, just gotta find it!

Thanks thisisyesterday. What you've said is exactly how I feel. I think it's a really bad idea to try this when she's clearly not herself. (She also had the MMR this week so was extra grumpy that night).

She has calpol before bed most nights. Doesn't seem to help with her sleeping at all though. She doesn't go down till between 8pm and 9pm and usually wakes up around midnight and then again at 4am/5am .

well my ds was formula fed and slept appallingly!

I think the op is still planning to bf, just not all night? That is what I am going to do. But yes, calpol is a good idea too.

my dd has been feeding twenty minutes is every hour the last few nights - I can't go on doing this. It sounds really odd, but it seems that she has done this each month before my period. Perhaps something happens to milk supply around then?

Hi BunnyLebowski I've been wondering about the same kind of thing.

I started a thread recently -

Do demand-fed babies ever sleep through?! How?!!

which has some comments on it you might find useful.

This article Changing The Sleep Pattern In The Family Bed by a guy called Jay Gordon has some good food for thought in it. I like the idea of cuddling DS back to sleep in bed. It seems like a nice transitional phase. I'm sure he'll hate it and demand milk at first, but it seems much nearer to what we do now (feed back to sleep in bed) rather than doing controlled crying - which I was never going to do.

I also like the idea of core hours - I hadn't appreciated there could be a difference between feeding to sleep and feeding back to sleep. So this guy suggests continuing to feed to sleep at night, but choosing 7 "core hours" which are non-feeding hours in the night and ultimately teaching your DC to be able to get themselves back to sleep, while not giving up feeding at bedtime, which I now see no reason to give up at this point.

I would echo what the others say about not giving up BF while your DD is unwell though.

One last thing. Have you tried Calpol Ibuprofen? We've been using Paracetamol, but a friend of mine says her DDs slept better on Ibuprofen while teething, so we're going to try that too.

Hi lowrib

You talk a lot of sense! I'm going to put the kettle on and read through your links. Thanks so much.

We have a bottle of the ibuprofen but tend to stick to the calpol, will change round tonight and see what happens!

Humphrey, yes periods can affect your milk supply!
I had this with ds2, and now ds3. I know when my period is about to start because the constant feeding begins! lol

I didn't know that about periods. And funny enough mine is due any day.

Hmmmmm

the no-cry sleep solution is worth a read too!
i used some of the tips at around 10 months with ds2 (who was still waking every 45-90mins!) and we got him going a bit longer at night

ahh well i would say what with MMR, teething, poss lower milk supply that it's def not worth trying to change anything yet

Don't know whether it will help...

About this age I started not worrying so much if ds wasn't asleep before I put him in his cot - he got all snuggly in his grobag and had a bf and when he'd clearly had enough we started a new routine where I put him in his cot and sang him a song or two and then left. I also stopped bf at night at this sort of age - but agree that, when already unsettled and teething, now might not be the time to change anything.

Its great, however, that your dh is so supportive and is prepared to get up and see to her - I found this really essential when trying to stop night-time comfort feeds.

BTW, ds is now 4.5 and sleeps through 12hrs - I never would have anticipated such a normally good sleeper the number of times he used to get me up in the night. So there is hope! (BTW, I continued until 22mo when it was right for both of us to drop the night-time feed)

Why thanks!

Like I said, it was a friend who recommended the Ibuprofen. I'd be interested to know if it makes a difference.

Aren't kids a challenge - there doesn't seem to be a cut and dried right answer to anything!

DD was BF until 13months, just before Christmas when we switched to bottles as I am pg with DC3 and boobs massively sore, supply nearly gone etc. She has 8oz before bed at 7pm, then wakes for another 8oz at about 10-1030 which the HV says she shouldn't need. She has also had MMR this week, is teething massively and I have a guilt trip everytime I change her bum as it has been awful for a week and nothing to seems to help.

Totally agree that now is not the time to change anything which she finds comforting - but now is not the time to be sleep deprived as she needs you to be functional!
BFing is the ultimate comforter and its very hard not to offer it. If your DH is willing to be on night duty for 2or3 nights so BF is not an option it could be a useful experiment, but I didn't find II got any more sleep as I would lie there listening to her shouting at DH for not being mummy!

Basically if you don't feel comfy that now is the right time, then don't do it.

How interesting that milk suppy is affected by my cycle, I just thought I was weird for thinking it. Cheers thisisyestterday.

OP, I have put my dd to bed having stuffed her face with as much food as I could manage through the course of the day and given a dose of calpol. I will feed her initially when she wakes, but if she won't sleep she will be going into bed with dh in the spare room.

Hope you have a better night tonight BunnyLebowski.