Feel like im failing.......

[Newbeginning1]

DS is 2 weeks old and has been gaining weight well and is nearly back to his birth weight. He's got hollow legs though and i'm constantly feeding him. Upon advice of the health visitor he has 1 bottle of formula when i cant satisfy him (normally after between 4 and 6 hours of feeding)and then he will go off and we can both sleep.

Im expressing to try and get him to have bm in his bottle but my supply just seems really low so it takes 45 mins to get 30 mls but im not sure if this is because DS as filled himself up and i have nothing left.

He wakes up around 3pm and will feed non stop until i give him his bottle and i try to leave it as long as possible before i do that so he has as nuch bm as possible but it means hes then asleep on me for this time so i cant sleep, is this right or should i give him his bottle when i feel empty? He falls asleep whilst feeding as well but as soon as i put him down he wakes up and is making all the signs of being hungry, is there anything i can do to keep him awake?

Sorry for the ramble, fingers crossed it makes some sense.I hate the thought of my DS not being full and me having to give him formula to top him up and just feel like im not doing the best for him so any advice would be appreciated.

I haven't really got any advice as this is my first child, but just wanted to post to send you some un-MNlike hugs. Don't feel like you're failing, you're really not. And don't loose heart I hope someone comes along soon who can help you, I know they manage to keep me sane on here!

Newbeginning, congratulations firstly! You will get some good advice on here, but probably a little later

In the meantime I will do my best until the 'experts' come along. 2 weeks is still tiny, ime, they want to feed constantly and that is totally normal at this stage. Expressing really is no indicator of how much milk you have so I wouldn't worry about how much you are getting.

The bottle of formula is your choice completely, but it doesn't sound as though you are happy doing it and I think at this early stage you might be better trying to stick to doing it yourself and your body will produce more milk to keep up with demand. Especially as your baby is putting on weight so well.

There is a great website that I have seen linked to on here before here

You are doing a great job and are doing the best for him, so don't beat yourself up. It can feel daunting at times, being so responsible for a newborns every need. I hope someone else comes along with some more practical advice for you. Good luck

Congratulations on your new baby and you are most certainly not failing.

My first also took a while to regain her birth weight. She was 7% below her birth weight at 2 wks old.

It sounds like you are doing fine despite how you feel at the moment. Expressing is no measure of your milk supply and it sounds like at the moment there is no reason to express anyway.

Your baby surely hasn't regained its birth weight because of one ff a day.

In fact, this one feed is preventing your breast from responding to your baby's demand to make milk for the hours around when the FF is offered. Suckling on you rather than on a bottle will tell your breasts to make milk for this time.

New born babies have a psychological and a physiological need to feed a lot at this age. It is a shock to many new mums at how much they need to feed and how often. Feeding is a way of telling you to 'hold me close. I need to be next to you.'

During the day, if you offer a feed every time he stirs, and hold them while they sleep (or get someone to hold them to give you a break) then you can be more responsive to when they cue for a feed. Most babies at this age don't like to go much more than 2 hrs between feeds.

It helps to look at cluster feeding as a time when you have to put your feet up and let other people look after you and the house. (And if there is no one else to look after the house then let it go to pot. )

It is hard work in the early days but the payback later is very satisfying.

Thank you everyone one for your help

I know that i underestimated how much he would feed and wasn't prepared for it and personally i want him to have as much of my milk as possible but the rest I get once he's had that bottle and finally goes off and not on me is invaluable but i feel awful knowing that ive had to resort to formula for me to be able to cope.

When he is full and sleeps he can go for between 3 and 4 hours, am i best to be waking him after 2 hours to feed him to make sure he stays full and then hopefully that should help with my milk supply?

Lots of people I've known went with a three hour routine. So we did feed, back to sleep within an hour of waking, then wake them after a three hour interval from the start if the last feed. At night we eventually did a dream feed at about 10/11 and then left them till they woke. Eventually the night interval grew.

It worked for me, but not till DD was a bit older. Two weeks is very wee. You could also try writing down the feed times for a few days to see if there is a pattern.

If DS is putting on weight you are doing well. Don't feel guilty, its really hard to breast feed (IME).

Im going to try waking him every 2 hours to feed him today and see how we get on with that because i really want to try and get my milk supply up. When hes feeding he will often fall asleep and even if hes winded he wont wae up. As soon as i put him down though he waes up sucking his fingers and looking for food. What can i do to make sure hes full when i put him down and to keep him awake whilst feeding?

Good stuff already on this thread newbeginning.

I think the emphasis on 'putting the baby down' is not helpful to you....I think it sounds like you are equating tolerance of being separated from you and a long sleep with being well-fed and contented.

But healthy 2-week babies don't want to be separated from you They want to be close and when they are, they do not need to be woken every 2 hours at all...they make feeding cues and you can respond straight away. This also deals with the 'falling asleep after a few sucks' thing, as you are responding to the baby's needs rather than trying to feed a sleepy baby.

Keep your baby in a sling or cuddled up next to you as much as you can and life will be easier

Hope this helps!

Again, it is normal that they fall asleep feeding at this age. What you can try is that when the milk flow from one side is slowing down and before he falls asleep on 'that' side, swap sides. the faster flow from the second breast tends to wake them up a bit and they get more milk inside them so they fill up more before going to sleep.

there is no need to time feeds or keep him on one side for a certain number of minutes.

With my first, because she was my first, I just held her a lot at this age. when my second arrived I would feed her up as I described above then put her in a wrap sling like this and puttered about / entertained dd1 with her sleeping in the sling till about 2 hrs between feeds and then sat down and offered her a feed.

at night time you would only think of waking up a healthy newborn to feed if they were going more than 5 hrs between feeds.

x-posted with Tiktok. She is right. you do not have to wake her after 2 hrs. It is a rule of thumb to go by. around 2 hrs, and because a baby in a wrap sling will sleep so well. I therefore made it a general rule of thumb of mine to stop what ever I was doing and offer my new born a feed. If she was hungry, she'd perk up and feed. Sometimes she didn't and I would just wrap her up again and offer another feed 1/2 an hour later or so.

I recommend looking at the link with the feeding cues more than once or twice to remind what to look for as you are learning to breastfeed just like your baby is.

Thanks everyone for all of your advice and thoughts.

I know DS needs to be near me and im more than happy with this but my only problem is that when hes asleep on me it means that im not sleeping. Im so scared im going to fall asleep on him so i feel better when hes sleeping in his basket even if just for an hour because i know i can catch up on some sleep and hes not at risk.

Sorry, i know i sound like an awful mother.

Hi Newbeginning
You are not an awful mother at all - it's just overwhelming to start with. Well done!

Have you got someone else who can hold ds while you sleep??
What about co-sleeping - so he's not on you, but right next to you? It can feel slightly 'scary' but there are ways of making it safe.

The kellymom site is brilliant and there's great advice already on this thread.

About what your health visitor said; not sure why she gave you this advice based on the info you've given.
i think lots of new mums (me included first time round!) equate 'wanting to feed lots / all the time' with 'I can't satisfy him' - this is not the case, as long as baby is gaining weight and producing plenty of wet nappies and poos.

A 2 week old has a tiny stomach (something like walnut - size??) so of course they need to feed lots.

It's been said already but the bottle of formula will not be helping your supply. The amount of milk DS takes from you at one feed will indicate the amount of milk being made for the next - so a bottle of formula at that point will mean there may be less milk being made for the next feed. I hope that makes sense!
Can understand why you're expressing but as already said, it's no indication of supply and can be really hard until your supply is well-established (usually by about 6 weeks).

Sorry, didn't mean such a long post!!Good luck - You can do it!

expressing uses up time and adds to the pressure...not good!

No need to have your baby on you 24/7 - someone else can hold the baby and even if you hold him most of the time, there will still be times when he will be ok sleeping in his crib. It's just not an appropriate measure of his contentment and satisfaction that's all

Congratulations on the birth of your lovely baby.
I do not have much to add to the postings of Tiktok and foxytocin, except to say that I agree completely with their advice. It is normal for a baby of this age to want to feed a lot. Keep your baby close and let her be your guide. She knows what she needs. It doesn't stay like this for long, and gets easier very quickly. Of course it is your choice, but I would be inclined to do away with that bottle feed, and get your own milk supply back in balance with your little ones needs.
Be kind to yourself. It's not always easy, but will be worth it.
hugs x

No expert as I have DD1 of 5mo. However we went through expressing&feeding expressed milk after each bf when she had dropped ger birth wieght.

It nearly killed me.

I eventually went against advice and just latched her on whenever she oooh-aah'd...my supply improved,her weight improved and I never want to see a pump again.

You are doing very well.

Hang in there. The first 6 weeks are the toughest!

Lots of great advice! And purplejenny is right about co-sleeping, it is an absolute life-saver at this stage. I was totally against the idea to start with but once I gave in, really kicked myself I hadn't done it sooner. Just like you, I'd been falling asleep with DD on my chest - which is not as safe as planned co-sleeping! Also, you can get loads more sleep in during the day by BFing lying down in bed - you both drift off at the same time, you're warm and comfortable, there isn't the whole disruptive need to put baby down somewhere.

There's a good article here about how to co-sleep safely.