BFed for two months -- is the hard bit over or should I give up now?

[MrsPurr]

So sorry for long post but looking for your advice/opinions please, both BF and bottle feeders. Thinking of giving up BFing but don't know whether make me feel any better.

First time mum, have BFed my 8-wk old DS all his life so far. Introduced a nightly formula feed, which my husband does, a couple of weeks ago for my sanity's sake in the hope DS might sleep better and I might get some sleep and feel a bitbetter (I was diagnosed with PND following a tricky birth, posterior baby, forceps, horrendous stitches which didn't heal for a good long while meaning I could literally barely walk for 2/3 weeks, which was quite a shock). I think the formula feed has helped him to go longer in the night -- he usually goes for 4.5 to 7 hours, before he wakes, whereas previously he would only go 2 to 3 hours, although this might have just coincided with him getting older/better able to sleep anyway.

I have never enjoyed BFing. I didn't much like the idea of it before I got preg, but thought I would try it anyway for the sake of DS's health. I don't know why exactly I hate it so much. I don't like how long it takes (at 8 weeks old, he's still on the boob for 30-40min. a go), and the fact it's so unpredictable. I hate the fact only I can do it, so I can't go out for longer than about an hour by myself, making me feel quite trapped (DS still seems to be hungry ALL the time). I also don't like the sensation of being chomped at and sucked on by a tiny mouth! I still have sore nipples despite having my latch checked by HVs and BF counsellors (GP said it's not thrush, and he's never known anyone who BFed who didn't have sore nips, and the idea it didn't hurt was a myth.) Plus I do think your body seems to retain lard when you are BFing, and I have no time to go exercise owing to needing to be with DS, making me feel gross. Also not keen on my 34K knockers!

All very selfish reasons I suppose, but overall making me feel quite down and seriously thinking of giving up. But don't know whether it would really make any difference. At 8 weeks, have I done the hard bit now? Will it all get miraculously easier? If I did switch to bottle feeding, would he be able to go longer between feeds anyway or would it be a waste of time? Also the idea of carting loads of bottles round with me all day doesn't sound fun -- am I just trading one inconvenience for another? Am I just bleating about 'wanting my body back'? Do I just need to man up, butch it out and crack on??!

Any opinions from BF or bottle feeders very much welcomed. Anyone given up BFing and wished they hadn't? Anyone given it up and glad they did? I don't know what to do, am agonising over it and spending ages googling BF websites!

when i switched from breast to bottle with DS it made no difference to his sleep or how he fed

he was little and often on the breast and the same on bottles

i EBF DD, who is 13 weeks and i have many of the same feelings as you but i have kept going mainly because i am totally bloody minded and i do know it is the best food for her

If you are finding it over whelming i think that is usual

erm, no advice really but the first few weeks are the hardest IME - DD now feeds for around 10 mins per side so she is quick, but like DS she feeds around 2 - 3 times per her awake time

i know I deeply regretted stopping feeding DS when he was 7 weeks old and that had played a big part in be persevering with DD

I'm a happy BF - er who just wants to say that your GP is talking a load of rubbish when he says every woman finds breastfeeding hurts. I've fed 5. It does not hurt me.

Can't help with most of your questions. I'm very much in favour of everyone at least trying breastfeeding because it can be so easy, but if you have tried and it just doesn't work for you, that's different. I do think that how long a baby goes between feeds has more to do with the baby than whether they are breast or bottle fed, with modern formula milk.

If it is making you miserable, then you should stop. In the long run you need to feed your baby however will make you happy, and less stressed and therefore your baby will be happy.

However, i do not know if formula will definitely stop baby being demanding for food, i have only ever bf. Also, i do not think it should be painful to bf. Of course at first, for a couple of weeks while your nipples toughen it can be painful, but after a short while it should get easier.

If you feel you can get over the issues you have stated, then it is worth continuing to bf, for many reasons, but only you can decide if you can. If you cannot, then do not feel bad, as you have given it a good go, and this much breastfeeding has done the world of good for your baby already.

Good luck x

At the end of the day it is something only you can decide, but I did find b-feeding got easier and much less demanding after about 10-12 weeks.
I found it esp hard work with DS1, less so with DS2 as I was much happier to go with the flow and worried less about him and me.

Its perhaps worth thinking about the balance, ie feeding may be hard now but in terms of long term health it's a better bet than formula, also the increased immunity etc means fewer illnesses etc, which can be quite a big deal, esp when starting nursery/school.

Of course it gets easier eventually, because their feeding does reduce, but probably not significantly until you're past the six month stage. My daughter has just stopped, aged 2yrs and about four months, and the hardest bit was the first four months and the last six weeks. It hurt me at first, but it did stop hurting as time went on.

It sounds to me as though you really do want to give up, though. Breastfeeding can be incredibly demanding, and I think it's hard to do it and "get your life back" the way you would probably like to, especially if you have a big feeder (my daughter virtually didn't stop the whole of the first six months of her life). To carry on, I think you just have to accept that things are just going to have to be different (and maybe difficult) for a few months, which is what I did, and then it got easier just to go with it. I appreciate this might not work for everyone, though!

Sorry if this has been completely unhelpful...

I found it REALLY hard for about 7-8 weeks then quite hard until DS was 4mo a he fed day and night until then. Then it all of a sudden became really easy and even a joy.

I was glad I stuck it out because I know how much DS has got from it. We're still going at 18mo and actually thinking of winding it up because it's starting to annoy me again! Think everyone goes through phases where it's no exactly a joy, but on the whole it's been a great experience.

I would recommend BF to anyone but if it's making you miserable, it wouldn't hurt to stop.

Thanks so much all, first time I've posted here and so grateful for your replies and touched people would bother!

I can't work out whether BF is really the problem or whether I just need to mentally adjust to the fact i have a tiny baby who will take up all my time and attention and I should just get on with it! But i did feel incredibly relieved the first time DS took a bottle from DH -- just the fact that it was possible for someone else to feed him sort of lifted the scales from eyes and helped me to actually enjoy my baby rather than whinge all the time.

Would love to hear from some people who switched to the bottle as well is it easier or just a big hassle? I went to my first parent & baby cinema screening yesterday and must admit it was v easy to just give DS the boob when he started grizzling have been thinking about how much more complicated that would have been if I were exclusively bottle feeding...

IME you are just about to get all the benefits of bfing - by around 3 months you have this settled, plonkable baby, you can go wherever you want with just some nappies and wipes in your bag because you don't have to bring anything for the baby, the feeds get quicker

then again, I didn't really have any wish at all to be away from my DD at that stage, so I didn't feel the trapped thing. Do you express at all? It does give you more options.

oh the mental adjustment thing! How true

you would think seeing as DD is my second i would remember how time consuming they are, but nooooo ...

everything else has to go by the wayside for a while

carry on - take each feed as it comes, then each day - each feed is a huge bonus

I am a bf mum.

IMO the first 2 months are the worse. From 2-4 months it becomes so much easier. The feeds become less and shorter (generally).

Thne after 6 months it really is easy! No bottles to make, sterilising etc. Why on earth would you do it any other way???

But then if you don't like it then perhaps you could try mixed feeding. Half bf and half FF.

You see I love the fact that no one else can feed my DC and that I take them everywhere with me. That is the best bit of bf for me!

I mixed fed DD for 4 months but mostly ff and then switched to full ff because supply dropped so much.

In some ways it was good because my mum could help out a lot and so I sometimes got more sleep. However DD would never go longer than 3 hours between formula feeds through the evening and night and didn't sleep through until 10 months. It was also a huge pain having to take bottles, formula etc out every time and do sterilising etc. it also got expensive!

I'm now 13 weeks into bf DS and it is so much easier both than ff and the forst few weeks. The huge benefit to me is that if there are grizzles/ not settling etc I can whip out a boob and stick him on - even if not hungry it usually settles him. Ff to do the same is either v.expensive with cartons or by the time formula has cooled etc is not worth the effort.

HTH

I BF for a long time in the end, but oh my god it was total and utter agony for first 6-8 weeks. I'm quite bit bloody minded so pushed on and suddenly at about 8-10 weeks it just lifted and was easiest thing in the world. Before that it was like having my boobs slashed with razor blades if I'm honest. DS was v clingy, constantly hungry and I kept bf-ing I think because I couldn't see how to cope with all that if I had to do the sterilising bottle thing to. I found it much easier at night to BF and put him back in moses or cuddle him in with me and just fell asleep BF-ing. Frowned on by some I know that last point.

Longer term I kept going, until 18 months, only for the night feed for the last 2-3 months. I do feel glad I pushed on with it for health benefits etc plus the lazy aspects of just getting my boobs out not having to cart such a big around. Expressing is the answer to night feeds and it realy is true your boobs produce as much as they're asked for. Mine are tiney and useless in all respects apart from BF-ing, that might be another reasons I kept going! I hated them all my life and finally they were useful for something!

Mental adjusting I think applies to all first babies, BF or not.

The only thing however that matters is that you do what feels right and don't worry about others judging you. No one else can tell you what's right for you and your baby in your situation and this is just one of those times when you have to trust your instinct about what's right. Mums do matter as well as babies and a happy relaxed mum will help to produce a happy relaxed baby so all things count. We all get it wrong sometimes (often?!) too so don't beat yourself up about that either. We can only do our best and try our hardest as mums afterall.

Good luck and post whenever. Biscuit and Gordon Brown fun aside - this is exactly what Mumsnet is for.

I had forgotten the convenience thing.
Its nice never to have to worry when going to cafes/meals out/on flights etc about bottle/sterlising etc. And yes the feeds will soon get shorter/less frequent.

I agree with ruby, take it a feed at a time, day at a time, which is less pressure on you.

Also, prob worth expressing if you want some time off, I managed this quite well with DS1 and had a few long shopping trips at the weekend and DH would give DS1 ebm in a bottle.

I'm a BF-er. DS is 9mo and ebf. I'm lucky in that I found it easy and it didn't hurt.

BF does make it very hard to leave ds though and I also think it makes it take a lot longer until you feel like you again instead of just a milk machine! The nursing bras and easy access tops certainly don't help! That said I do think the first couple of months are the hardest and the least predictible in terms of feeding so it's harder to leave them.

Ds feed what felt like constantly for the first 8-9weeks )esp the awful 6wkish growth spurt!) and then suddenly seemed to improve in that he would go 2-3 hours between feeds (4-6hrs at night) and the feeds got gradually shorter. From about 6mo he feeds for only about 5mins.

From about 3mo I found his feeding was much more predictable which made life easier. Also I expressed so I could build up a stock in the freezer so if I wanted to go out for the evening with friends I could leave ds with dh and he would still be having bm.

Aside from all the many health benefits and as others have said I love the convenience of BF in that you can just go out without worrying about bottles/sterlising/warming up milk etc and when he's hungry all you need to do is find somewhere to sit down. And I'm lucky in that I love bf and although I thought I'd stop at 6mo now can't envisage stopping! (Though will be nice to have a wider range of clothes to wear again!).

It's obviously a personal choice for you but I think you are through the worst so maybe gve yourself a goal of getting to 12wks and see if it gets any better? Maybe trying expressing in order to give yourself some time off?

I BF DD1 for 10 month and am still going with DD2 for over a year. I found feeding DD1 quite hard going. As she grew her position changed and I needed to change the latch, but I didn't realise that at first and it was really painful. I had blocked ducts. DD1 was really greedy and wanted to feed all the time. I was really glad that I persevered though, as it got easier, more comfortable and I loved the convenience of it. I actually found it quite hard to switch to formula - even though she was over 6 months and so I didn't worry much about sterilisation of everything - as it was a complete faff to make up bottles and I had no idea how much to take out.

So a policy of "one day at a time" was the best for me. Had I started out when she was a newborn thinking that I had to do 10 months I'd have gone bonkers!

I also wonder whether it's a case of new baby adjustment too. I still find it hard sometimes that I have two people completely dependent on me, and that I can't just walk out of the door at the drop of a hat to go somewhere, or have some time on my own. But then I'm now freaking out about them going to school and not seeing them all day!

How much help do you have? I found that DD1 cluster-fed a lot in the evening, and so it was DH's job to be my waiter and make sure that I had my dinner, drinks, TV etc. while I fed. I actually found it quite nice in the end to be forced to sit down and do "nothing". If you're BFing and trying to do lots of housework etc. then it's really exhausting and might well get you down.

Sorry, this is really long. Good luck.

Whoops, all that and I forgot the other benefit of keeping going with DD1 - I found BFing DD2 easy - I mean really easy. And I'm sure that a big part of that was all the practise that I'd had with DD1. Not that you're likely to be thinking about another child right now (unless you're much braver than me!), but I thought it was worth a mention.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing though - I mix fed from about 8 weeks and my supply didn't dry up either. I gradually introduced a bottle at a time over a few weeks and I suppose by 3 or 4 months old DD was having maybe 2 or 3 bottles during the day and I was bfeeding her the rest of the time inc at night.

It meant that if I was at home I could bf her if it was easier but if I wanted to go out alone and leave her with DH then I could leave a bottle of formula for her.

It gave me back some freedom although the main reason I started giving her a bottle was because I have two older DCs (they were 8 and 12 at the time) and they had so many after school activities to attend that on top on the school runs I needed the predictability that the odd bottle of formula afforded me - i.e. no feeding for an hour a time. An yes, she would go longer between formula feeds than bfeeds.

MrsPurr

I, like many others on here, have been where you are. My little bundle of joy is now almost 14 weeks old and there were times in the beginning where I was literally hours away from packing the whole thing in! However, I am sooo glad that I persevered. As well as being much easier than faffing around with bottles, especially when out and about, I love the times when its just me and baby having our special times when he's feeding and I chat away to him. I like to think it's the same for him and it's not just about the nutrition.

I was very insecure about my ability to breastfeed and satisfy my son and the happy balance for our family is that he gets a bottle of formula with his last feed (after I've breastfed him). Perhaps you might want to consider this as an option.

Initially my baby was taking forever to feed and I was so naive (I intentionally haven't bought any parenting books!) that I thought he would always feed for that long. Now his feeds are much quicker I am too am better at it. Remember, it's a skill you both have to learn.

If someone were to ask me the most important thing you need for breastfeeding I would say 'patience'. Arm yourself with some of that and you'll be fine (and I don't mean to sound glib because I KNOW how difficult it is).

Do what feels right for you and baby - your baby needs a happy Mum, whether that be breastfeeding, bottles or both.

Sending you lots of positive vibes!

Thanks very much all, it's been really interesting reading all your replies. I do try to express occasionally but often there is no opportunity to do so as DS is on the boob so often. The one bottle of formula per night at bedtime has been a lifesaver, in fact often it seems to be the only way to get him to sleep.

The convenience thing for BF is a very compelling argument. As well of course as all the health benefits. Although I found this article about how the claims for the health benefits of breastfeeding are greatly exaggerated, very interesting. But I note the author, having made all these arguments, is still BFing!

The other thing that made me think and in some ways it's such a trivial thing was that breastmilk changes in flavour according to what you've eaten, whereas formula is the same taste every time. So I would essentially be condemning DS to 4 months of a very bland, uniform diet. Silly really, but it made me think of how I feed my cats the same food every day but would I want to treat my son like that? Not really.

I think I will keep going for now taking each day at a time. Your thoughts have really helped. Thank you.

MrsPurr,
One thing about newborns is they take you back to childhoold measurements of days: 8 weeks is a hell of a lot of time when you have a new baby. I have been where you are with my first child and decided to keep going just because I was travelling with her to india and thought nothing would be safer than breastfeed. Otherwise, I would have given up.

I did give up on my way back when she was 7 months old. I still regret. My second child had other problems and had to stop bf at about 1 yo. but I was convinced about the benefits of bf by them: and I do not mean his benefits but mine... It will get better. Bottles are really difficult to handle.
The feelings you have about been 'trapped' are not related to your work as feeding machine. You are somehow traped.

And also: in my very particular case, it is true that I did not loose all the weight until I stopped bf.

Hello MrsPurr - I found it got a lot easier at about 12 weeks, as DS stopped feeding so long and the gaps got slightly longer. Every baby is different, but you may find that if you are able to stick at it, it will get easier very soon.

I also wanted to say that I have found the little person being so dependent on me a big shock and very hard work sometimes. I think that's the case however you choose to feed your DC. It is good that your DH can help - I've found that just being able to go out to an exercise class once a week has made a huge difference.

Plus, ime, the weight didn't really drop off until about 5mo for me, but the BFing seemed to help if I was able to stick to just 2 choc bars rather than 3 a day .

I just wanted to add that I've fed two (second still going at nearly 1). Sometimes it is easy. Sometimes it is hard. The hard times are when they feed often or when I feel trapped. It can make you feel so awful as you are pinned there, being able to see everything you want to do and can't move. Plus I found it made me dog tired, so when they'd finished I still didn't want to move.

BUT

I managed to accept all that and set up a station at home where I fed. With water and books and a computer and cushions. I found once I accepted it would take a while, and found other ways to occupy myself, it became easier. And then there are the times when I really enjoy the little grunts of pleasure they give while feeding, which makes me want to keep going.

Good luck whichever way you choose.

MrsPurr I found it so hard at first, I remember counting every feed '2 more feeds and then I will have managed 15 days'etc, then every day '2 more days and I will have breastfed for 6 weeks'. I had a hospital check up at 8 weeks or so and the consultant asked if I was breastfeeding. I said yes - so far - and she said, oh you have done the hard part now, if you have managed 8 weeks you have cracked it! That gave me much more confidence, and I relaxed a bit more. I think around 12 weeks you really begin to reap the benefits to you - you can go anywhere and not worry about being caught out without a feed, you can soothe instantly, you get to spend a lot of lazy time lying down (if you want to), you get used to the rhythym of it and start seeing the feeding time as time you can read/browse/watch TV etc.

I also promised myself a foreign holiday if I made it to just before 6 months (no worrying about formula or water abroad) which was fab.

I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say part of what you are feeling about breastfeeding is the mental adjustment of having a new baby. I think it took me about 14 weeks to get my head round that.

Now at 15 months I am still breastfeeding and still feel I am reaping the benefits - an easy way to calm DS down, a good way to get him to go to sleep, so I would really recommend that for you, as you have made it this far, try to keep it up at least some feeds a day so you get a few benefits back!

I bf ds1 for 16 months and ds2 10 months and still going. I found with both that the first 8-10 weeks was hard work but convenient as I'm not a good planner. It then got a lot easier for a few weeks until they were nearly ready to go onto solids and had got really hungry. Then it got easier again once they were eating solids well.

I wouldn't stop now because it is so convenient; no heating bottles when he wakes in the morning, able to get him to sleep wherever I want to, not have to worry about getting stuck in the car in this bad weather, etc.

However, if it makes you miserable and still hurts maybe its time to say I've given it a good go and now's the time to introduce more bottles. You don't have to stop completely, you can still comfort feed.

Good Luck.

I felt much the same with DD. Started introducing a night bottle to help her 'settle', then an ocassional afternoon one, then switched to FF at 13 weeks. I was very upset but didn't know what else to do, she was an extremely demanding, miserable baby!

It didn't help really except that DH could help a bit more. She was still a v frequent feeder and very demanding, didn't sleep through til 12months plus.

I am still feeding DS, he is 12.5 months. You have done the hardest bit, and well done for feeding this long already, its a lot more BF that most babies get.

It really does get easier, when DS got to 6months I couldn't imagine changing to FF as it is so much extra work.

No help really am I? But I do regret switching to FF with DD especially as at 13 weeks I probably hard already done the hardest bit. But also, if you really hate and resent it, it's perfectly ok to stop.

Maybe just take it a day at a time, rather than thinking that you have to feed til 6 months or whatever, just think I will carry on for today.

The overwhelming responsibility and feeling trapped is much the same whether BF or FF IMHO, that tiny baby is yours forever but it gets less scary, honestly.