Baby 9 days old and I feel like I can't cope

[Littlestlass]

This is the first time I've posted anything on here, though in the run up to giving birth I found everyone's advice invaluable. Now I have had my baby I'm really feeling like I can't cope and I need some reassurance.

I have always intended to BF but now I'm trying I am really struggling. I know she isn't latching on properly and despite reading 101 books and leaflets and websites about latching on, neither of us seem to be able to get the hang of it. She puts her hands up to box or push herself away from my breast all the time which a) makes me feel like I'm being rejected and b) means I can't see how she's attaching. Plus I really don't seem to be able to get her to open her mouth wide enough. When I wait too long she starts crying and if I try to attach her then, she pulls off, so just the nipple is in her mouth again.

I don't have enough hands to hold her head, hold my breast in order to try and get more than the nipple in there, and keep her arms out of the way. We both end up getting frustrated and frequently I end up in tears as a result of that and the pain from sore nipples.

Also she sleeps pretty much completely through the day to the extent that I really struggle to wake her enough to feed her and then she nods straight back off, but at night after a feed she doesn't just nod off, she starts screaming. We check the nappy (which doesn't help with the screaming as she hates having her clothes removed) and then I end up passing her to my DP who rocks her to sleep because I don't feel like I can do it. As a result I'm petrified of his Paternity leave ending and him going back to work because it's too much for him to be awake all night and working all day.

The snowy conditions mean it's been difficult for people to come see us (since giving birth I've had 5 midwife visits from 4 different midwives so there's no continuity) and we can't get out for me to visit a BF support group as neither myself or my DP drive. We haven't been out in 3 days and I am starting to feel trapped (which I realise is part of having a very young child).

I would be grateful for people?s thoughts on my major issues:

1. Did your child put their hands to their face when trying to latch on and how did you address this?

2. Did your child have problems opening their mouth wide enough and how did you fix it?

3. Is it normal to cry so much after a feed rather than want to sleep?

4. Are there people who have had similar problems out there that are now enjoying the experience of BF and being a mum, and how long did it take?

Sorry for all this moaning, but I am really struggling. It's not helped by the fact my Dad has suspected pancreatic cancer and is having an operation on Monday (my mum had cancer a few years ago and is in remission). I am so worried that I won't be able to visit as he'll be in hospital for 2 weeks.

1. Yes my DD still does this at 12 weeks. I bend her arm into my armpit to stop her.

2. My DS didn't open his mouth v wide so I had to grab my nipple and sort of force it into his mouth. It helps when they yawn/cry so you can shove it in. I did find the health visitor helpful with this although some were annoying (I called them the breast feeding Nazis, as they were so full of rules/advice).

3. I second the burping thing. DS cried lots more than DD. DD tends to posset a lot which means I haven't burped her properly. Sometimes it takes longer for you to get their wind up than you think. Usually once I put her down she will do a big sick which is v frustrating.

4. Yes I am enjoying breast feeding. Its lovely now and very easy in the night.

Best of luck with everything and congratulations!

Littlelass lots of good advice already.

It may be worth letting us know what area you live in and someone is sure to know of RL Breastfeeding help for you..

Good luck, as lots of people have said it does get better - promise

How are you getting on Littlestlass?

Ok, this is a bit worrisome. In person BF help sounds like a good idea.

First of all - what are her nappies like? How much wee? How much poo? What colour is it?

Second - is she alert and content a little bit, sometimes? You say she sleeps all day - how long at a time?

Hi

I breastfed DS with no problems. My second child - DD had problems latching on and after a week got so frustrated that we ended up back in hospital because she would not feed. I didn't want to put her on formula so invested in some Nipple shields ( we bought them from boots) She found it much easier to latch on and feed using these and at about 4 months old she suddenly stopped using them and latched herself onto my nipple with no problems! She's now 8 months and still feeding. At the time of the problems I felt like a failure too.
Hope that this helps. Oh and by the way I asked my doctor if the nipple shields affected my milk or anything and I was assured by her that they don't! Good Luck!

All,

Thank you so much for the advice. I have been trying a few of your tips and finding the Lansinoh fantastic - the pain has pretty much gone though I'm still not convinced she's latching on properly. Am going to speak to a breastfeeding expert as the midwife said she'd ask someone to contact me (so far nothing so am going to nag tomorrow).

We'd tried swaddling her but not managed to ever get her in a position that she didn't manage to wriggle her arms free and whack me in the nipple while I was trying to feed (surprisingly painful!). However we got a swaddling cloth from Mothercare and because of the shape of it, it's fixed the problems. I have to admit I was never that keen on swaddling (though I don't know why) but it has made life a lot easier and she seems to love it.

I am feeling so so much better though that is partly because she slept for a three hour period last night and has been much more awake today. We actually got to read some poems (When We When Very Young) to her today that my mum read to me when I was little and it just made us both so happy.

Thank you everyone again for the help, it has done me wonders just to know that this would end.

Sounds like you are getting there Littlestlass. I know what you mean about swaddling. Bless em. Things will keep getting better and better. Try to get that BF help though.

Sorry you're feeling so bad. It wil get easier though I'm sure. My suggestions are.

1. Make sure you have a good supportive feeding cushion, like a widgey, so that you don't have to position and support aswell as deal with the little hands. Also using rugby ball hold helps. Failing that swaddling to feed, or using scratch mitts or even putting their arms inside their sleepsuits rather than their sleeves. Try and keep a sense of humour too. I remember having daft one sided debates with ds about the logic of trying to feed with your hands in the way.

1. I always used to squeeze my nipple so that there was a drop of milk on it and the tickle the bit between his nose and top lip with it. This would make hisouth open and So I'd immediately push him on to my nipple with my at the back of his neck. I also found that by starting with my nipple above his mouth like this and squeezing it first, it was already elongated and pointed towards to back of his throat. Then it was a kind of rolling movement, leaving my breast in the same place and folding my nipple into his mouth, so when it was in there it unfolded down his throat and gave a deep latch.

Hope that helps. It'll get better. Easy to say when I'm not full of postbirth hormones anymore, but do try try try to keep a sense of humour about you. Try to laugh and be silly with your baby. It'll help you both relax .

It does get easier, I promise. Am a first time mum, my little man is two months old today. I wouldn't do the first two weeks again if you paid me millions!!!

1. DS still does it. I tend to hold his arm along his side with the hand that I'm using to support his head. Its normal - they tend to massage the breast as they get bigger to stimulate more milk flow. Once he's latched and we're comfy I let go of his arm.

2. That's excatly the problem we had. Have you tried expressing a small amount off the top to make it that bit easier? Also, trace your nipple across their cheek - they automatically open their mouth wider (if they're awake!!!).

3. Either if they're still hungry, or if they have wind. DS has a touch of colic. Is she bringing her knees up towards her chest? If she's still hungry, offer her the other side to see if that settles her.

4. Short answer is yes. It probably took me a few weeks, till the pain had stopped, and I'd got used to the whole upheaval.

Remember, this is new for both of you - neither of you will be able to do it without practice, its just like anything else.

Are you using nipple cream? Hot and cold flannels for the pain as well.

Big nu-MNlike hugs. You're doing really well, and don't be too hard on yourself

Oh, I forgot to say - one of the midwives who came to check on him was a God send. Ask them to help by watching you feed, maybe? I could have kissed her

I haven't read every post here so appologies if i am repeating anything. My DS would not accept the whole nipple to nose then big wide mouth thing. Try putting your nipple to baby's chin. Sounds daft but worked for us.

Good luck with your dad.

My DS cried between 10pm and 11pm for one hour everynight for two weeks! It's just what they do! I used to climb into a warm bath with baby and feed in the bath. The total distraction used to stop the screaming and feeding is surprisingly easy in water!

Good luck and big hugs!