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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

So, my family have started asking how long I plan to keep on with 'that breastfeeding thing'

27 replies

arolf · 06/01/2010 21:25

DS is 3 months old and EBF. it's going surprisingly well, and although when pg I said max of 6 months, after some thought, I've decided 2 years will be my 'deadline' - so if he hasn't self weaned by then, I'll wean him. DP is happy with this, as am I.

My family on the other hand - they all want me to wean now, and get him using a bottle and on solids ASAP. I'm being reasonable with them, and have promised them links to show them the benefits if I can find them. So, can anyone point me towards some good links please? thank you

(btw, my mum bf 4 of us for 8 months each, then we self weaned apparently, and many of my family are healthcare professionals, so would like to inform them if possible!!)

OP posts:
Babieseverywhere · 06/01/2010 21:32

The Kellymom website has loads of good articles and links about breastfeeding and weaning.

Your mother might find [[http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/babyselfwean.html this article interesting. It talks about why self weaning is very rare under a year and explains alternative reasons why babies stop nursing at a very young age.

Happy reading

Babieseverywhere · 06/01/2010 21:33

Second link again this article

issysmilkbottle · 06/01/2010 21:34

surely its none of their business! You shouldn't wean until 6 months anyway and Bf is more than just food, its emotional too! I'd tell them politely to naff off!

moondog · 06/01/2010 21:34

I'm surprised then that they are pressuring you like this.

TheHouseofMirth · 06/01/2010 21:44

It's sad that you need to justify your decision to your family but hope this and this will help.

Good luck!

BertieBotts · 06/01/2010 23:12

There are NHS and WHO/Unicef leaflets which recommend exclusive breastfeeding to 6 months, and breastfeeding alongside solids for at least 2 years, if you think they would respond to something with a well-known logo backing it up.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/01/2010 23:18

Why on earth do they think it's any of their business? You need to perfect the smile and nod and then just carry on with what you're doing.

Treadmillmom · 06/01/2010 23:22

I can't believe you're feeling the need to justify your actions.
What is the big bloody deal with some people, for Christs sake?
He's a baby, you're feeding him milk! - end of.
Don't show them the research, it's time to hold your head up and shut off your ears to their comments otherwise you're giving them permission to openly criticise your decisions for the next 18 years!

CrosswordGeek · 06/01/2010 23:33

Ask them how long they'd think it would be acceptable to give a child a bottle. I'm sure they'd answer something in the region of 2 years+, so ask them why breastfeeding that long isn't okay?

Also, the generation thing bugs me with weaning/introducing solids. My Mum/Grandmother both think my nearly 4 month old DD should be having baby rice etc by now and that she's not getting enough because she wakes for feeds in the night!

treedelivery · 06/01/2010 23:40

You need one of these

Or

them: when are you planning to stop all that?
you: I don't know really. Oh, when are you going on that diet/going to pad out your drawn thin face/getting your roots done/seeing the dental hygenist/...

Well, I'd do all that in my head. You are being very nice to offer to educate them. The NCT have many good leflets you can get online.

JodieO · 06/01/2010 23:57

Personally I think it has nothing to do with them. It's your baby and you should do whatever you think is right, you don't have to justify your actions to them, regardless of their jobs. Being a hcp doesn't make them a bf expert, far from it. It's up to YOU, not your partner, family or anyone else; how long you bf for.

nigelslaterfan · 07/01/2010 00:05

arolf dd is about 15 months and I still feed her a little most days. Not in public any more just at night or in the morning when she sometimes comes in bed with us. If she is poorly I do too. It's wonderful when they're poorly, bf can sometimes work when nothing else seems to.

I think you should do what you think is best for the baby and you should trust your own instincts about that as well as finding back up from places like this. Your instinct for your child is unique and needs to be bolstered and encouraged. It's part of the confidence we grow as parents, the confidence to follow our own hunches about things after looking at the evidence.

I think families should snout out and not bully with their own presumptions, prejudices etc.

(Sorry for ranting! I feel very strongly about it)

Also FWIW over the years I have met quite a few furtive BFers who are not campaigners but secretly continue to bf long after everyone thinks we've stopped - I often wonder whether there are loads of us.

Trust your own instincts and be strong. This is sometimes one of the first tests of maternal instinct and people are all over us like a rash about it. I'd say the same to a mother who didn't want to breast feed at all. The mother's confidence in her own mothering and her ability to make good decisions is hugely important for the future health/happiness of the child imho!

Concordia · 07/01/2010 00:17

another secret 15 mth breastfeeder here.
was surprised recently when i mentioned it just how some of my usually rational colleagues were - calling me an earth mother saying i didnt' live in a developing country etc etc
but ime 15 weeks is a peak time for MIL (in my case) pushing solids and bottles - must have been the time they started - after she didn't win for a few weeks, she just gave up.
so hopefully the pressure will wear off
do what you and your baby want please

Babieseverywhere · 07/01/2010 09:11

Whilst it is not any business of the family whether the OP continues to breastfeed or not, it is very admirable that the OP aims to educate them, rather than a blanket 'shut up'.

In this way she will be helping prevent/reduce critism of future nursing mothers in this family and maybe beyond (as several family members are healthcare professionals)

4andnotout · 07/01/2010 09:24

My in laws keep asking when I'm going to wean too and even the hv and gp were shocked when I said that dd4 is still bf'ing at 14 months.

I'm waiting for dd to self wean, I never managed to bf the other 3 so I'm just going with the flow with dd4. She mainly feeds at night and in the morning but will have a feed if tired when out and about, she is a tiny dot so although walking she doesn't look like a toddler yet so haven't had any negativity from the general public.

It is entirely your choice to bf and you ought to be praised for bf'ing not encouraged to stop.

Original poster
arolf · 07/01/2010 11:22

thanks for the links babieseverywhere, and that t shirt is great treedelivery!

In response to everyone else - thanks for the supportive comments! I am generally ignoring my family's opinions, but was dismayed when speaking to one of my sisters, who is a nurse, and she was spouting some spectacularly ill informed nonsense! such as 'you can't feed when he gets teeth', 'if you don't wean soon, he'll still be feeding when he's a teenager!', 'haven't you seen little britain?' (to which my response was 'what, you think bf will make him the only gay in the village or something?', which confused her), and my favourite - 'feeding him past 6 months will make him a spoilt brat'. So I promised her some reading material

OP posts:
Original poster
arolf · 07/01/2010 11:31

and thanks houseofmirth too, sorry, forgot to thank you in previous post!

OP posts:
nigelslaterfan · 07/01/2010 11:32

my dd has incredibly sharp teeth, she's learned if she bites she gets taken off and no more milk. She's only done it a few times and hasn't now for ages. Babies are clever!

TrinityIsFuckingTrying · 07/01/2010 11:36

I am sad for you that you need to justify it at all

family should accept what you are doing based on the fact they theyu love you and they beeleive you wilol do whats right for you and your baby

I would just smile sweetly and then carry on

good luck

Wigglesworth · 07/01/2010 11:40

Your baby, your choice, tell them to mind their own business. My Mum was on at me to wean my DS at 3 months and put rice in his bottle and other shit advice that stems from the late 70's, after a while she was told to keep her beak out (in the nicest possible way of course ). Why do folk feel it is their place to tell Mums how to feed their babies?

WoTmania · 07/01/2010 11:43

Gah!

belgo · 07/01/2010 11:58

arolf - it's good that you want to educate them about bfing but I probably wouldn't bother unless they want to be educated, because you could end up annoying them ime. When I've talked to people about the benefits of bfing I've found them to be immediately defensive of their decision not to bf.

In all likelihood,the longer you bf, the fewer comments you'll have. People just stop questioning after a certain point. You just need to carry on bfing as if it's the most normal thing in the world (which it is) and hopefully people will accept it.

Original poster
arolf · 07/01/2010 12:03

belgo - I understand it may annoy them, especially my mum, so am not offering info unless they specifically ask iyswim. however, my sister is a nurse, and wants kids of her own one day, so I would love to normalise bf for her, and I think some respected links would help!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 07/01/2010 12:13

Tell them to bog off fgs it is none of their business, your baby is only 3 months old fgs, good on you keep it up.

pagwatch · 07/01/2010 12:16

When I am on MN I often wonder about the alternate universe I inhabit.
I BFd DD until she was around 4. As it happned bythe ned it was mostly early morning snuggling really but I never really thought about it and NONE of my family or friends ever spoke to me about formula or weaning . Not least because it is incredibly dull as a topic of conversation.

Do people really say 'gosh how are you, how was your weekend, could you give me your weaning schedule to peruse...'

Or do I have a 'mind your own fucking business' face?

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