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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

1 wk old won't latch

28 replies

FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 02/01/2010 21:15

looking for some advice please. I had my gorgeous DS 8 days ago, but from the start he doesn't seem to want to feed from me. In hospital I had to express and give him formula for some feeds.

Eventually on day 3 I was able to get help from a midwife who helped me get him to latch, but it's really intermittent if he'll feed from me or not. After fear of dehydration got me to give him some more formula, I've been expressing and trying to offer the breast as well. Today he's taken 1 full feed from me (20 minutes) and a couple of attempts (feeding for less than 5 minutes). The rest has been expressed milk, but am now so exhausted if he doesn't take a feed in the next half hour when it's need due, I'm going to FF. He's often very angry when offered my breast, but calm and happy with a bottle (whatever's in it).

He was a forceps birth and we've been at the cranial osteopath today (midwife suggested this might help).

Any suggestions / advice would be really welcome. I don't want to move on to full formula feeding, but can't see how this can last with me spending so much time expressing and not caring for him when DH goes back to work.

OP posts:
Original poster
FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 02/01/2010 21:21

Shamelessly bumping in hope of wonderful insights to make everything all better...

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 02/01/2010 21:22

awww, it's so hard with a baby like that isn't it? my first was exactly the same.
i was determined to feed him and came home from hospital expressing every 3 hours (i hired a hospital pump from the NCT) and was soon making enough for all his feeds. on day 10 he latched on and was fine!

the absolute biggest and best piece of advice I can give you is to see a breastfeeding counsellor in person.
babies who've had forceps deliveries often have feeding probs as they hate their head being touched and can be in pain and it ends up being a downward spiral.
seeing someone in person will enable them to check your latch, give you advice on positioning him to make him and you really comfortable, and how to maintain your supply and get back on track with breastfeeidng- if that's what you want to do?

right now, why not give one of the breastfeeding helplines a call and see if they can suggest anything.

I Know it probably feels awful right now. you're tired, you're hormonal, your upset because your baby won't feed- it's not the right time to make a decision on how to feed him. if you need to use formula or ebm over the weekend that's fine. but i'd really urge you to think it over and see a professional before making a definite decision on how to feed him. (i speak as someone who gave up against her better judgement and bitterly regrets it)

rubyslippers · 02/01/2010 21:27

can you get some serious skin to skin time with him over the next day or so?

can you lay down to feed?

DD took around a week or so to get a really good latch and i often had to unlatch her and start again throughout a feed to make sure she was ok

my midwife recommended this site with video of breastfeeding

thisisyesterday · 02/01/2010 21:27

ok i just had a thought, go on youtube or somewhere and look for biological nursing. might be a help.

thisisyesterday · 02/01/2010 21:30

some links here and here from la leche league

thisisyesterday · 02/01/2010 21:33

have just re-read the OP again.

ok, he has had one 20 minute feed, 2 shorter feeds and the rest ebm? so you're making enough milk to satisfy him right>

that is good because it means you can do just as ruby suggests.
go to bed with him. strip both of you down and get some serious skin to skin.

try laying back on lots of pillows and bringing him up onto your tummy. you can help him out a little by placing him close to the breast. just let him seek it out himself. avoid touching his head, he'll be able to find the nipple by himself.

just do this for a good 24 hours, as much as you can. trust yourself that you're producing the milk, and just feed him as often as you can.
ignore for the time being how long he feeds for. just do it as often as you can

Heated · 02/01/2010 21:34

My ds was just like this and I ended up expressing and then ff.

In hindsight, I should have got hold of a bfc, La Leche League have phoneline 0845 120 2918 to get immediate advice, but also they will have someone nearby who could come and see baby's latch etc. I should have also investigated the problem of tongue-tie, which I'd never heard of until MN.

fishie · 02/01/2010 21:37

faketrees i didn't get ds latched on for 5 days and then the latch was bad but i was so relieved that i carried on.

it was all very ok in the end but i hope you will avoid my mistake which was to be bewildered and carry on too long without seeking help. what did your midwife suggest you do?

mumof2222222222222222boys · 02/01/2010 21:46

My friend recently told me about her DS who was a bit of a nightmare feeding (after easy DD). I have just googled the problem that he had...and he was tongue tied...Tongue-tied babies with feeding problems should see a lactation consultant or feeding ... Surgery to cut the lingual frenum is called frenectomy.

Bit of a long shot, but worth investigating. Both friend and her DH are medics, but this was not picked up until baby about 2 months old.

Good luck.

Original poster
FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 02/01/2010 21:58

thanks for your support.

Heated - I asked about tongue tied in the hosptial (having also heard about it here) and they said he was fine.

They seemed to have lots of answers if the mother's milk didn't come in, not all that much help in hospital if milk was there but baby not interested...

fishie typically, when the midwife showed up today he was perfect baby and she saw his one good latch of the day - she just said to keep at it.

I will try the NCT tomorrow and see if I can get hold of a counsellor, and will try the skin to skin. So worried about leaving him too long and letting him get dehydrated.

Again, thanks, really good just to hear that others have had similar problems and were able to BF. Didn't know it could be this horrid.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 02/01/2010 22:11

whereabouts are you? i've found la leche league groups to be amazingly helpful, and also the baby cafe if you have one nbear you

la leche league uk use the links on the left hand side to find your closest one

the baby cafe

fishie · 02/01/2010 22:12

how frustrating it is. but keep at it is pretty good advice, it is gruelling at first even without difficulties.

TheTwelveDAISYofChristmas · 02/01/2010 22:22

Aw you poor things; it is soooo very hard when things aren't going well

I would suggest getting in touch with a local BFing counsellor or supporter as a matter of urgency and getting him checked again for tongue tie, or an upper lip tie as this can also cause latching issues. Call all the helplines until you get someone to talk you through things and hopefully be able to come and visit you.

In the meantime, babymooning and biological nurturing might help?

He will possibly be angry at the breast because it isn't coming fast enough for him compared to the bottles of ebm he is getting or else his forceps delivery has caused him some neck discomfort; I hope that the cranial osteopath helped and that things get easier over the next few days.

much hugs to you xx

thisisyesterday · 04/01/2010 20:38

hi fakeplasticchristmastrees, how is it going?

Original poster
FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 04/01/2010 21:22

hi, it's been another bad day - we've only managed one feed from me today, that was just at 6:30pm post bath, we had some more skin to skin time and he fed from me for over 30 mins - everything else today has been EBM or formula. I've been offering breast feed at every feed, but he's getting worst.

I'm waiting for the NCT to call me back and have tracked down a breast feeding drop in that's happening nearby on Thursday, so hopefully will get some help there. I'm getting a lot of people in my family telling me to give up, that he's had the most important feeds (the first few days) but I really want to try and stick at this, even if it's just expressing and the occasional BF.

Just feels like i'm being rejected by him and he gets so angry when he decides he doesn't want breast feeding.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 04/01/2010 21:32

it's hard isn't it? I recognise those feelings from my struggle with ds1.
i can remember crying and crying to dp that i was a useless mum because my baby hated me and i couldn't even do the simplest thing for him- feed him!

your family are right in a way, he HAS had very important feeds. but that doesn't mean you should stop if you aren't ready to.

i think as long as you can keep trying him at the breast, and you're expressing plenty then you're doing the best you can, and I really hope that the breastfeeding support you get on thursday is useful.

have you tried giving him a bottle to start with and then switching to breast when he has sated a little of that really urgent hunger?

also, expressing a little off to get a letdown and thn feeding so that he gets an instant flow?

mumblecrumble · 04/01/2010 21:38

Hi fake xmas tree. Sorry its been a bad day - one day this will be a faded memory....

SO sorry you don;t have more support near you. We're working towards having a support group every day near us.

Do you have other children? Are you able to spend as much time as possible feeding. Like all the time... sounds daft but can work sonders. May I suggest....... either cable TV or many DVDs......

We had HUGE problems with feeding and family said give up etc. Persever if you're able cos it gets much much better. You are both learning and you are DEFINIETLY not being rejected, he's just finding it hard at first.

May I suggest you call the la leche leqgue? I found them very reassuring on the phone. www.laleche.org.uk/pages/about/contact.htm

best thing is to get lots of folks round you who are determined you will breast fede and that its just hard, rather than those who want you to give up. How is your partner?

Forget housework. Lie in bed with snackx and TV and feed.....

mumblecrumble · 04/01/2010 21:39

Did that sound agressive? it really wasn;t meant to. I want to come over and hug you!!!

Original poster
FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 04/01/2010 21:41

thanks thisisyesterday - I'd sort of done it the other way, offered breast first, then bottle if he won't take it, but your right, it makes more sense to try the other way round... shall report back!

OP posts:
Original poster
FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 04/01/2010 21:53

Not agressive mumblecrumble - it is just difficult. This is first DC, wasn't expecting this to be so tricky! (Everyone tells you why you should breast feed, not that baby might not want to)

My DH doesn't like seeing me upset and wants to do anything to help, so is being v supportive to me, has taken to bringing bacon sarnies (and pints and pints of squash since he read i need to keep hydrated)in bed so DS and i can snuggle up with skin to skin - taking him so I can express if he won't feed etc, but DH goes back to work next week. He is also being supportive if I want to do FF.

La Leache - have looked them up but nothing round us. Didn't realise they had a phone line, will try that too. Am giving up on today, thanks for your help again!

OP posts:
fishie · 04/01/2010 21:53

fake i am sorry it is so hard. all i can say from my experience is that once you get past this the sense of achievement is worth all the investment of effort.

family just want to see you happy. tell them what will make you feel better and get them to help.

hope nct rings you back soon. talking to a rl expert makes it all so much more manageable.

thisisyesterday · 04/01/2010 21:57

am glad your dh is so supportive.

i think i posted the exact samet hing when havin troubles with ds1. i just assumed i would breastfeed him. i knew all the stuff from the books. i had no idea that there was a possibility he may not breastfeed!

breast first is what would normally be recommended i think, but if he is getting very upset then it's wise to just give him a little bit of ebm/formula and then try breast again once he is calmer and can be a bit more patient.

i really do hope it gets easier (bringing back all sorts of memories for me!!!)

mumblecrumble · 04/01/2010 22:00

It is really really hard. But you mustn;t think your baby is rejecting YOU. Just finding it tricky!

Help line is great. Several times we've been close to breaking point and it was jsut so reassuring on the end of the phone!

daxibaby · 04/01/2010 22:51

Try and see a lactation consultant again as tongue ties often get missed by medical staff.

fluffyguineapigs · 05/01/2010 17:48

Hi

sorry to hear of your difficulties. ny son was forceps and i had huuuge problems latching on for the first 3 weeks. we did supplement with ff once per night - until he rejected that!

After the first few weeks it did get a lot easier. my ds had got the hang of what he was supposed to do and i got the positioning right.

i know its hard but if you want to ontinue bf dont give up - i had a bf counsillor visit me twice, went to bf support group and even visited the local birth centre at 3am when he was a wk old and not latching on! Everyone was really supportive and i got so used to whipping them out at every occasion and total strangers manhandling my boobs lol.

one of the things that saved my bf was getting my brest friend cushion. it is a very firm cushion with lumbar support that fastens right round you. you look a bit like you are wearing a flotation device but it is sooo good. i was using the v shape cushions when got given one as a gift. tbh was not that impressed and waited a week before trying it on and was hooked.

as it fastens firmly round, you do not have to lean forward and get backache. the baby is at boob height,as it is a firm surface your baby does not roll into your boobs and best of all your baby can fall asleep on the boob safely as it is a firm surface.

you also have a free hand to concentrate on latching, and later on surfing the net or reading a magazine!

i still use mine at 7 mths - don't always cart it around as ds will take without cushion if he prefers (right now he is into 'unconventional' nursing positions) but its still def comfiest for both of us and brilliant for sitting up in bed amd nursing.

honest to god it made my bf much easier and think wld have given up w/o.

they are expensive - around £45 from mothercare or babies r us but it is soo worth it

sorry about typing - nursing now!

good luck xx