HOW do I go back to work? scared..please help!?

[trixiechick]

ok I sound very melodramatic. But I am.
Any advice badly needed. My dd is nearly 6 months.
I am due back to work in february, so the end of ebf being in sight I tried her with a bottle of formula. omg you would think I was trying to pour rat poison down her throat! Now if anyone comes near her with a bottle with formula, expressed breast milk or just water she goes rigid and starts crying. I started her on her first solid food a week and a half ago. She loved it until two days ago when she clamped her lips shut and decided food wasn't for her.

I went out for the first time alone(in SIX MONTHS) with my dh last night as we are in my parents house. That was great...for 48 minutes, when I rang to see how things were and heard my darling politely asking for her mummy. She won't go to sleep without a feed from me and now she won't take expressed milk. How could I possibly leave her all day with a childminder if I can't leave her for an hour with her Grandparents? How do I go back to work if she's decided she will only breastfeed? Even if she gets over her bottle protest and takes a bottle again I can only express 4 ounces a day. thats not enough to leave her for seven hours.

I'm losing my reason here. I love her but omg I need an ever so little break every now and again. Can anyone convince me I'll be able to go back to work without having to hide my dd under the desk?

I was also in this position and very worried. Took DC to nursery and they were very unworried (!). Turns out they had a cupboard full of all the bottles on earth, had seen it a million times before, and all was fine. I could have FF or expressed as well as they were set up for either. When I went back to work, DC fed happily from bottle on nursery days, and me when not at nursery.

Hi trixie, I am in the exact same position, back at work start of feb and ds (will be 4.5 months by then) also screams the house down when a bottle approaches!! Oh deep joy....

But been trying a little bit everyday, having some success when feed him whilst he is basically asleep in car seat, also got him a beaker type cup, and he seems to not mind that so much as he can fight play with it whilst I try and feed him! Also, not trying to make formula his main feed when starving, so trying, bf, ff, bf, ff at each feed time. Experimenting with different bottles, different formula, different temperature, different positions etc etc etc (losing the will with the amount of variables!)

I am also not feeding him to sleep at nap time, so he just cries a lot til he can't fight it any longer, I am going to try and carry on bf morn, eve and night, if I can. I am hanging onto the thought that when at nursery, he won't starve himself, and they are paid to suffer the crying!! I'm not one for letting him cry, but since he can have hysterics if someone sneezes, then will just get nursery to just keep offering him the bottle / cup all day.

Trixie I could have written that exact post.
The only thing is I have given her a bottle as a toy, she plays with it and puts it into her mouth herself, I tip it up but she still won't suck. It's a step forward from the screaming when she sees it anyway and might help you.

I have a childminder organised and I hate leaving her to deal with this, she is not a formal childminder just a lady who's been reccommended to me.

And I relate to the no nights out for 6 months thing. I went to the hairdresser once and had to abandon it with my hair half cut and still wet.

mbear sounds like we're in the same boat alright. The sneaky bottle in the car seat is good i'll have to try that. I feared that the solution was going to be a standoff until she gives in. She is stubborn like her mother and I think she knows she'll win.
It's going to be a long battle though isn't it? I was going to go out for dinner with friends next week and had stockpiled loads of milk in the freezer so Daddy could babysit. Now she won't take a bottle. I guess that's not going to happen now. I am her prisoner.

i also have a childminder she's in for a shock. lol at the haircut slightly hysterical laughter mind you mummies need a bit of mummy time.

By Feb - 1 or 2 months away still - she may well be getting a most of her food as solids, and may be able to get by with bm morning and night only.

Trixie I had the same problem with DS1 - had left him with my parents a couple of times and he just refused anything (formula, EBM, water) in cup or bottle.

I was due back at work part time when he was 8 months so from 6 months I just started offering EBM and formula regulary in a bottle. Needed to try several different teats / temps / positions / cups rather than bottles - and one day, a fortnight before I was going to work and after I had almost lost hope he took formula with a variflo teat but only sitting on my lap with his back on my tummy (and that was the only way I could ever give him a bottle!). The HV's rather unhelpful advice was that some babies never take formula and that I should just resign from my job but if you persevere then the chances are you'll sort it out. I've seen lots of people on other threads (when I was looking for advice) suggesting you go straight to a sippy cup rather than a bottle which might help as you could give here some water in one with solid meals to help her get used to it maybe?

very helpful advice from your hv alana. i wonder if she'd recommend any particular type of cardboard box for us to live in when we can't pay the mortgage.
i take hope from what you say and i will persevere. i'm ready for battle and the night out will have to wait until mummy wins the war!!!!

Lol at the cardboard box!!

We are also using the ready made formula at the mo (easier opening little cartons to try little and often throughout the day) anyhoo our hv said that they were sweeter than powdered versions - have completely no idea if this is true, but just something else into the mix!!

Def having most success with a free flowing beaker cup tho.

I had just this problem with DD before going back to work. She was 5.5 months and wouldn't accept ebm from me or DH.

It took persistence, but the third time we spent a few hours with the nanny she finally took milk in a bottle. The temperature was crucial (it was quite warm) and the fact that she couldn't smell me. Now she's 8mo and happily takes ebm from the nanny or DH. I bf her in the evenings and at night.

Don't worry about not being able to express enough to leave her for seven hours. If you can express at work that won't be a problem. I'm away from DD between 9 and 7 and can express enough for the following day (or to freeze) in two sessions of 12-15 mins each. But you will need a decent double electric pump for that.

Take heart. It can work, if you have a job that affords you a bit of privacy for half an hour each day. And if you'd rather not express that much, they do come round - the friend with whom I share a nanny switched to ff during the day just before going back to work at 9 mo.

DD1 refused a bottle completely, but I had to go back to work when she was 7 months. Avent magic cup worked for her.

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I had this problem about three years ago now. Dd was hard core. My dh tried every bottle going eventually a dr browns worked and even then she was very angry. I had a freezer full of ebm by the time I went back when she was nine months. Her cm sometimes got her to feed other times not, but she made up for it by having water during the day and extra feeds before going to the cm and after I picked her up. it was a nice connecting time for us that we had a big feed when we got home from the childminders. It was fine. I still remember the angst I felt at the prospect of going back but she was fine. It will work, however in the end you both decide to do it. xxx

I expressed about an ounce or so a day for the two months before I went back and expressed at work and at weekends and on non work days so I had some leeway and not under too much pressure to express all that she consumed iyswim

I went back to work Feb last year (2009).

There is a phenomenon "reverse cycling" I learnt about on this board.

I didn't get on with expressing v well but DS fed avidly before I went to work (full time) and after I got back. Actually, my job is too busy for expressing to work v well anyway.

Meanwhile DS has been happily progressing up the weight centiles.

DS is now 19 months and I am wondering how to persuade him to cut down his feeds!

The thing is.....if they can't see you and can't smell you, they will try a few new things! Babies are quite resources, they know they need food and actually will try bottles/cups etc. if they have to and I tell you what, I was mortified to find that DS didn't miss me one sodding bit when I went back - although I still get an immediate demand for breastmilk the minute I walk through the door - he saw he on TV apparently and got very upset that he couldn't undo my top on the screen

Their diet also tends to improve with other kids around and they try new foods and drinks simply because everyone else is. It's a herd thing, try not to worry.

I also thought I'd be sobbing in the corner of meeting rooms missing the DC but I'm just not. I know they are well looked after, DH and the nanny are there most of the time, they get spoiled rotten with trips/treats/one on one attention - much more than the tired, grumpy mummy I was when I was at home frankly - and I enjoy my evenings and weekends with them more too!

resourceful, not resources

i was in the same boat last year, went back to work when dd2 was 8 months. she had taken ebf bottles with absolutely no problems since she was 2 months, then i sort of stopped giving her bottles and when i tried again at around 5 1/2 months she completely refused them with anything in them (formula, ebm, water etc). in addition she barely ate a morsel of solid food until she was one year old so you can imagine how stressed i was a month before going back to work.

well- my advice to you would be to relax completely about it, keep offering bottles every day without too much fuss or expectations, stay relaxed and positive and have confidence in your baby's ability to cope and survive. she won't starve!it may take a while for you, your baby and your cm to find a routine, but it will work itself out eventually and in fact you may surprise yourself at how quickly things settle.

my gentle advice would be to not "waste" your last month of maternity leave on a "bottle battle", just keep trying but without making it the sole purpose of your life iyswim?

as a doctor friend of mine gently pointed out to me- there are babies who die from hunger and thirst all over the world, but those are not the british babies of working mothers. i found this really put things into perspective for me!

oh and fwiw i think there's absolutely no point trying different bottles/ milks, as it only confuses lo... but that's just my opinion and i know others have had different experences.

good luck!

My DS never drank milk from a bottle. When I went back to work when he was 8 months he started having formula during the day from a tommee tippee cup (the kind with the spout that just flips out and doesn't have any kind of valve to stop the flow - he found the valve just too much to cope with) and BF morning and evening.

I completely agree about the "herd" mentality, DS would happily be put down awake in a cot at nursery for an afternoon nap when he was at nursery - he never once did that for me, even at the weekends when he was happily doing it during the week. Now he is at a CM instead and eats far more for her than he does at home, again due to presence of other small children all chowing down.

Thank you eveyone
i'm feeling a little saner now. It makes all the difference to know others have been through this and come out the other end. I chilled out about it all.
I rushed her to the doctor with a rash and meningitis scenarios screaming round my head. She is absolutely fine and i am an hysterical fruitcake. Refusing a bottle from me is probably wise. and it put all this in perspective.
which is what you said mystic masseuse mystic and wise
this last two days i've thrown away annabel karmel and embraced blw and in the newness of it all my pumpkin didn't notice she was sipping formula from her cup (very restrained at the table - screams of celebration in the pantry!!!!) There is hope she'll take it as a main feed.

I would be even more of a basket case if it wasn't for mumsnet. Thanks oh sage mummies