Family seemingly desperate for me to move onto ff - help!

[Belgrano]

In my family formula feeding is the norm. My mum fed my two brothers for about a month or two then moved to bottles and I (3rd child) didnt get any breast milk AT ALL! Sniff sniff for my baby self...

Anyway, I have just read Politics of breastfeeding and I exclusively breastfed DD for 8 months two years ago before I read it. I am now even more determined and won't be weaning this one before he is one. DS is now 5 mo.

In hospital the day DS was born, my mum said 'I was going to say to you, why don't you bottle feed this one' and my eldest brother said on the phone later that day 'are you going to breastfeed this one? I mean for months and months like you did the last one?....!!!' WTF! DD had 8 months, NOT so extreme really!

My middle brother had a son 15 years ago (the only child of my DC's generation in our family) who was also bottlefed as his mother was not very healthy (complicated) so all in all my family think I am barmy for bf and keep badgering me as to when I'll 'give up breastfeeding'. It drives me mad! I can't be too strong on the benefits of bf /flaws of ff as they all ff and I don't want to challenge their decisions or deigrate them. My mum thinks its all codswallop and 'you're all perfectly alright aren't you?'

Also I haven't had a joined up night's sleep for months so can never remember any of the salient points of 'The politics of BF' at the appropriate time! This lack of sleep is a prime reason for their bullying campaigns to 'get him on the bottle' as apparently this will magically get me more sleep....

It's driving me MAD the lack of support and so please give me any advice or help you can!

Tell them that you appreciate their advice, but that you feel it's important to do what feels right for you, and what you know is best for your baby. And suggest that if they are concerned about you being tired then perhaps they could come and look after baby for an hour or two during the day so that you can have a nap.

My 12mo wakes a lot at night and is still BF. DD was also a terrible sleeper, she was FF from 3months, it is part of the reason I am still feeding despite the exhaustion - bottles don't always mean more sleep.

I have had a couple of similar suggestions and have just said ' Oh I can't be arsed with the sterilising and faffing about. Its about £8 for a tub of milk powder these days...' and left it at that.

I used to use an excuse similar to moaning minnie - "I'm lazy and it's much easier to lift up my top than mess about in the kitchen with a crying baby!"

Or just develop a fixed smile anytime anyone says anything and say "I'm glad it worked for you I'm trying this. Thanks."

My MIL regularly comments that she FF my DH and her two other children. And also how they were very short of money when the kids were young. Then she hinted that I should FF my DS. I said that I couldn't afford to as it costs about £500 per year to FF where as BF is free.

I think she got the hint as it hasn't been mentioned again

Tell them you don't want to take the risk of moving to FF only to find DS still doesn't sleep through the night (there's no guarantee) and you have even more faff with bottles,sterilising etc.to cope with while being just as tired.

Maybe you could emphasise that you are making an ethical consumer choice by not buying formula from companies who mark up their products by 80% in this country and of course market their products aggressively and inappropriately in the developing world. And it's more environmentally friendly (less paper, tins, transportation etc.). It might take the focus off 'nutritional' criticisms that your mum might take to heart?

And isn't it ridiculous that it's so difficult to just say it like it is re:the risks of FF for fear of offending people?! The obvious answer would be to say to give them the book to read! But I understand, it's a book I recommend only to particular people i.e. not those who I know have been unable to BF despite their very best efforts i.e are in the 2% who can't.

Although, my mum FF me as I was adopted (which does make me feel easier discussing the negatives of it with her as she really had no choice)but she currently likes to announce loudly to people that I'm "still breastfeeding" (DD is 7 mths)but in a totally positive, lactivist way!

Stick with it for as long as it the right thing for YOU and YOUR child. Ignore them, they are not living your life, you are.

Go for it, you have done a great job so far, why would you want to change something that is working.For an unknown.

Hi Belgrano

I used to live in an area which had one of the worse rates for Breastfeeding in the country. Changing the view of pro-bottle grandparents so they could support new mums breastfeeding was something that the local health trust plowed allot of money into. They even had seminars where these grandparents came along and they showed them containers of expressed milk and how it differed form formula milk and tried to break some of the myths and make them question why they were negative about it. My friend ran one of these and said it was hard.

They even made special leaflets for Grandparents, Couldn't find it online but have found a similar one..

docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:XhKPXm5Y6vQJ:www.wiltshirepct.nhs.uk/MaternitySer vices/MaternityLeaflets/27Breastfeeding%2520information%2520leaflet%2520for%2520Grandparents.pdf+br eastfeeding+leaflet+for+gran+parents&hl=en&gl=uk&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESg7MzyQOAvMhpdQGz3VAwHzljIJpNkuxN pAaGRnXLskp10yGUWiVYjWAV5QDPSBdSdQupHBku89UiWUSxFE3mO5QDHqyW5zX6MMS9i-cdgZ8q6tDKme6biPHQdMOQhbbi7jq cj&sig=AHIEtbTB5YJo_c1uxuHqOLbfVq5fk468Dg

You could always try printing it off. Please dont let them bullying you into stopping before you are ready. It may silence them, but at the cost of making you feel bitter and regretful about the whole thing.

BBe strong. You and your baby come 1st, a million miles before the miguided, unwanted opinions of others.

Also, they can change...

My mother in law, before I was pregnant, once said she though breastfeeding a babay when it was walking was 'like child abuse'. I never forgot it because I came from a pro-breasting family and remebered my sister tottling around and asking for breastmilk. A few years later I was breastfeeding her 18 month old grandson in from of her. Do you know what she said?". Ahhhh that's lovely."
When I was pregnant with my second child she bought me breastfeeding pillows. My MIL was from a completley non-breasting family. Her daughter didnt breastfeed either. I think it must have been hard for her at the start, but seeing how happy it made my son changed her opinion a bit I think. So dont give up!!!

just tell them you're planning on bf til your child starts school this time round - doing it right . maybe you'll even be in a documentary about it . worked for my family

If my family spoke to me like that and told me I should put my ds onto bottles - I would be replying with a big MY BABY, MY RULES NOW FUCK OFF.

Sorry but sometimes that is what it takes.

I would react that the same way if they tried to pressure me into potty training too early, or telling me not to put him into a nursery.

Yes, but all means do tell them why it is important to breastfeed, but if they are not listening to this then I think you need to take a firm line.

Sorry, but this sort of thing pisses me right off. You are doing a fabulous job with your ds, and feeding your dd for 8mo (with it seems, a complete lack of family support) is just awesome.

But ultimately how you parent your child (and that includes how you feed it) is down to you. You have listened to their advice, now it is time to tell them that you are happy with the way things are, if they are still badgering you then tell them you will not put up with it!

I think a simple its so much better for him and I want the best for him don't you?'

Or any other question which put s it back onto them to explain why, they'll find it hard to come with a real reason why they think its so wrong.

Well done you. ANyway if you're anything like me they'll only make you more determined to carry on

Our dd is now 7months too & i'm starting to get a few comments from a couple of friends & family.. the 'so how much longer do you have to bf for?' & 'you've done well to bf for all this time' & 'she'll soon be too big to bf' . I couldn't bf ds (post natal complications made me too ill & was devastated) so we had to ff him at 1wk..

I'm telling them all i'm too busy with dd & ds 3.5 & can't be bothered with all the faff with bottles, sterilizing etc and why mess with what's not broken? & reminding them I know what's involved doing ff from ds and anyway bf is good too!

hang in there! it's not easy to ignore. At the end of the day they're just concerned about us and want to offer advice.. just so happens it's all they know..

Ignore them.

I had the same thing from my mum. As soon as DD hit 6mths (possibly even before) i got the "so how long are you going to continue doing that for..." type comments

I told her as long as I and DD wanted to.

DD is now 9mths and Im still feeding her AM and evening. Mother stayed at christmas with us and I confess to not BFing in front of her or openly referencing it. I couldnt take her facial expression.

But then my mother is odd and takes great delight in judging anyone relating to children. My cousin who has DS who is at top of centiles and still has a couple of bottles of milk at 16mths- she is very rude about this (HOW is it her business), a daughter of a friend who breastfed on demand and used to have to stop sometimes on the way home from shopping to feed her son on a bench (she was appalled by this) and she is generally rude about mothers with babies in cafes (though she might have a point there- as she gets annoyed when they leave all their mess everywhere- I hate that too).

Phew- sorry, clearly needed to get that off my chest.

I wouldn't engage in discussion at this point tbh, I would just say tersely "Can we stop all this discussion, he is going to be bf, it is my decision and that's the end of it"

Sometimes a tactical strop is more helpful in getting people to leave you alone, you are unlikely to change their minds by now.

I just tell them that I'm aiming to be on the next programme of Extrodianary Breastfeeding. That gets a few faces and people usually shut up.

Formula doesn't equal sleep. My sister was bf and slept all night from 6 weeks. I was ff and didn't sleep all night until I was 4 and started school.

ff is the norm in our family too. My Mum was the only one to bf a child in her generation, and I have so many cousins I can't count them. Think there has only been me and one cousin in our generation, and she did her DC3.

Don't bother worrying about it. Just smile serenely and do what you like. Actually, this is the tatic I use when anybody give me any advice on babies, not just on bfing.

ha ha ha, you have cheered my up so much! Thank you. It's fab to know I am not the only one with nutty interfering family. I will definitely employ these tactics. Like gingerbreadlatte's mum , mine is very judgey about childrearing. She often comments that 'I hate those 'aggressive' breastfeeders in cafes who sit right in the middle and show everyone 'I am breastfeeding'. The other day I mentioned mildly that I had never seen such a thing and she scoffed and huffed at me 'of course 'they' do, I often see it!'.

In fact it sounds like my mum has a bit of an issue with bf looking at all the stuff I've writted on here now. perhaps I shall start feeling sorry for her which will cunningly defuse the situation inside me!

I will also be cracking a few jokes about extreme bf!

It's just hard to get a level playing field for discussion because for their generation they see the two ways of feeding as much of a muchness and THEY SO AREN't! I could point out all the other medical advances based on research since the 1960's which she/they do believe in but apparently this change in medical advice based on research is all 'rubbish'!

Aggressive breastfeeders? Does she comment on people ff in the middle of cafes?

Think that women feeding their babies in the muiddle of a cafe are just feeding them because the are hungry. Personally, I would rather get on with eating my own food. Would she prefer the baby to scream with hunger?