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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

today i was called a 'milking cow' and now fed up

16 replies

forevermore · 29/12/2009 13:09

i have been 'complaining' about the 'burden' of exclusively breastfeeding for a number of weeks. i see the value and would ideally like to mix feed (mainly feed at night). i swing from depression (due o feeling trapped) and pride at having continued for so long (18 weeks). DD2 is doing well but feeds every 2 hours day and night only for 5 minutes. i suspect if she fed longer she may spread out the feed?

DD1 is neglected and acting up big time which is one of main reasons of feeling fed up with it all (as well as major sleep depravation and not being 'allowed out' on my own)

anyway i was complaining(again) to my friend and she said; i must say you must be fed up, you look like a 'milking cow' everytime i see you she is 'milking' you; whats happened to the fun loving girl of old, this is not for women like us!? etc etc etc. it was said in such a derogatory way that it opened the flood gates and i also started to think, you're right, but i dont know how to get out of this!.

why am i doing this, how can i stop (having bottle refusal battles); how can i mix feed (ideal)......TIA for any advice

OP posts:
LastOfTheMulledWine · 29/12/2009 13:13

You sound very unhappy and confused. Are you talking to your hv/gp about this?

Is it just the bfing causing these lows do you think. A formula fed baby can feed just as frequently and obviously ff involves more preparation/organisation. I wonder perhaps if the 'trapped' feeling wouldn't be alleviated by mixed feeding and maybe you are struggling outside of this. Plese forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn.

Oh dear. Your friend was very insensitive.

tiktok · 29/12/2009 13:49

Your friend was rude and insensitive.

You deserve to feel proud and valued, not dismissed in this horrible way.

In a short time you will 'mix feed' anyway as your baby will have solid food.

You can build up to small periods away from your baby now - an 18 week old should be ok in another trusted adult's care for 2-3 hours when you need a break. She doesn't have to have a bottle to have this gap between feeds - just an adult who's prepared to amuse, cuddle and otherwise keep her going until you get back (maybe you can take dd1 out by herself?).

Is your partner around and available to support like this?

PfftTheMagicDragon · 29/12/2009 13:53

What a horrible thing to say

I imagine hearing something like that would simply make you feel ugly and uncomfortable. Did you ask her why she said that to you?

Blu · 29/12/2009 13:56

Poor you - your friend was monstrously insensitive and rude, and could have offered either practical suggestions (like TikTok) or else if she didn't have any helpful advice, unadulterated sympathy! (like me!).

I hope you can find some helpful support to manage feeding, and your older child - would it help to give your older child some one-o-one time when the baby is 'not allowed' to take precedence? Even of 10 mins twice a day?

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 29/12/2009 13:59

How very rude and insensitive of your friend. SOunds to me like she is jealous of the attention you are giving to your baby and not her (she should grow up!).

18 weeks is good work, well done. As tiktok says, v soon you'll be thinking of solids. It would be nice if you can keep going til then but if not don't kill yourself over it. DOes baby take a bottle of expressed milk at all? Can someone not do a feed for you? I did mix feed DS because I felt so trapped with BF when feeding DD. He had 1 bottle of formula in the evening from about 3/4 mths. He's 10mths now and is on a formula in the day and BF at night (although I am phasing this out now to just the early morning feed).

wrt you DD1 - older siblings do cope. my DS is 10nths old now and it only really got easier at around 8mths, in taht I could start to spend more time with DD. Lots of cuddles and special time with mummy when baby is asleep works well, in the meantime a bit more TV wont hurt your DD1.

Booyule · 29/12/2009 14:03

i think at this age your baby will cope quite well with being away from you for short periods. i find that my ds will be quite happy away from me but as soon as he sees me he starts crying and looking for a feed. i think perhaps if you were out of baby's grasp/sight for a while you might find that she doesnt look for a feed. it might be a case of mum is here so i have to feed when in fact it might just be a comfort thing.

but i am no expert (that's tiktok)

LouLouH · 29/12/2009 14:06

What a bitch! Sorry i know she's your friend, but come on! To be honest the feeding sounds more like a comfort thing, i had such nightmares with my DD so know how your feeling. I resorted to a dummy (yes people slate me if you have to!) but it gave me peace and quiet! And slowly filtered in bottle feeds (V.hard at first but be persistent) i used playtex bottleswww.infantcaredirect.co.uk/acatalog/Disposable_Nursers_&_Starter_Sets.html and found she changed easier than on other bottles.

Original poster
forevermore · 29/12/2009 14:56

thanks for your advice TikTok. i didn't mention that my friend also felt that i was making DD suffer by not being more available to her, in fact the benefit of BF DD2 was outweighed by the disadvantage of less attention for DD1 and she suggested long term emotional damage...she means well but it was very insensitive to me who is just trying to do the right thing and touched a nerve. the last thing i want to do is have DD1 grow up with some lasting resentment towards me or her sister

based on what you've all said i intend to plan short periods away in future for time with DD1; i think you're right in that DD2 looks for me to comfort her more often than not.

LouLouH how do you suggest i persist with the bottle? i would love to just have one/day which would give me a 4 hour break if required...

oh yes and my HV/GP is crap (they suggested water at night

OP posts:
Cloakofdarkness · 29/12/2009 15:31

I agree with mycat - it does get easier at around 8 months - this is when my ds2 starting taking a bigger interest in solids. You are doing brilliantly forevermore - and you friend may simply be a tiny bit jealous of this.

My ds2 fed just about ever HOUR day and night until 8 months, and it was difficult to have enougth time with ds1 who was just a toddler. I got through it though, and it did get better.

On the bottles, I had to give my ds2 EMB in a bottle when he went to Nursery at six months. For the first two weeks (thankfully I only work 2 days a week) he blankly refused and I had to run to the Nursery 3 times per day - but on the third weekend his Dad offered him a bottle and he gave in - and never looked back. So just persevere!

Best of luck - you are doing a wonderful thing for your baby.

MumtoEliane · 29/12/2009 19:22

Wow, I felt sooo upset for not being able to breastfeed, like I let my little girl down. You must be proud, its a great and very difficult thing to do.

I haven't got much advice as I had to stop on the 4th day but please do not let those comments affect you. I admire you and all the mums that go through lots of pain and slepless nights to breastfeed!!!

hugs

LouLouH · 30/12/2009 10:21

forevermore honestly the bottle i suggested before is amazing. I don't know where i would have been without it, its the teat it is completely different to all other bottles. I am expecting my second baby in July and will be breastfeeding the same as you but when the time comes to change to a bottle playtex is the one i will be using.

Original poster
forevermore · 30/12/2009 22:38

LouLouH i am going to stick ith the tommie tippee pne i have ben using fo last couple of weeks because i am now geting her to take 3/4 oz in the morning (although not easily - takes 30 min. the pogess has ben painstakingly slow and dont want to risk any confusion just as she may be getting used to that bottle IYSWIM.

my thing is how do i progress to a full feed - what is a 'full' feed when substituting one BF??

OP posts:
LouLouH · 31/12/2009 11:03

Hey forevermore at a quick search on google i found this page

LouLouH · 31/12/2009 11:05

Breast feeding is demand feeding as you know, but the page above gives a guide to the average one feed of formula. I think the one feed will be enough for you to get a break but wont harm the fact that you still watnt to mainly breast feed. I changed to substituting a breast feed with a ff and just used a normal reccommended feed amount.

2babyblues · 31/12/2009 11:24

Poor you! I would have been annoyed. I think the bit - "this is not for women like us" is ridiculous! It is what nature intended, luckily we have other options too like formula.

You are doing really well and she should be praising you. I had exactly the same feeling as you ie. feeling trapped especially with my first son as he fed for hours and all the time!!!! (or it felt like it anyway!). The thing is it is a short period of your life even though it is all encompassing at the time. Do what feels best for you. With my second son I did breast feeding at times I was home and formula when I was out (as I wanted to be about to go out without worrying about having to jump up mid feed boob hanging out to grab my toddler!)

I don't really have any tips about mixed feeding though as mine both weren't too bothered about the source of the milk! I think when you start formula you are meant to get someone else to do it so the baby has more chance of accepting it.

LouLouH · 31/12/2009 11:27

Yes 2babyblues i've heard that too, as the baby can tell its the mother and wants her milk rather than a bottle.

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