Help - Considering stopping breast feeding for the wrong reasons

[fruitsticksinyourstocking]

DS2 is 10 months and exclusively breastfed (apart from solids obviously). He has always refused milk from a bottle of cup.

I enjoy breastfeeding and don't really feel any need to give up - except that I would like DH to get more involved.

DS2 was sleeping through but for the last couple of months wakes and I feed him back to sleep in our bed. I always feed him in the evening and settle him to sleep and if he wakes, again, it's me who has to go to him. DH says that he can't do anything as he just wants me. If I wasn't feeding him it wouldn't make a difference who went (although DH would still say it was me he wanted)

His sleep has got worse and worse lately and I feel that if I didn't have the easy option of feeding him I would break the cycle and all our problems would be solved.

I stopped feeding DS1 at 6 months and do know that his relationship with DH got much stronger after that, as did our sex life.

I suppose it depends on how much you want to keep feeding? I have decided to feed bubs til she self weans, if I didn't want to then I wouldn't. she has EBM because she has too when I am a work, BUT if I am in the house she doesn't want any feeds except from me. hubby says she settles fine for him when I am working but if I am in she screams until I BF her, nothing else will do.

I have just accepted the fact that its me who has to do it. I find it hard though, sometimes I just want to eat or have a bath in peace!

I have no idea whether all your problems will be solved by stopping BF. Depends on what problems you have?

Only you can say if your ready to stop hope you reach a decision thats right for you

I am a bit at your DH tbh, letting you carry all the weight just because you are BF - baby may well want you to feed him but there is no reason why your DH couldn't have settled him back to sleep after a feed from day one. It is however too late for that. I don't think your reasons for giving up are bad ones at all, I'd probably do the same in your shoes, but it isn't fair that you are being forced into giving up something enjoyable for you and your child due to your DH's behaviour.

Have you tried spelling this out to him?

Georgimama, I am probably painting him unfairly. It's just in the divide and conquer strategy he has taken care of DS1 and the cooking etc if I need to see to DS2.

I'm sure in his mind it is simply a case of 'the baby is crying, you can do something to stop it, please do that.'

I'm not even sure I can stop as all attempts to feed from a cup have met with refusal. At the childminders he just holds on until I pick him up (although he will have water)

My DS was BF until 8 months exclusively and then mixed feeding until 2 years. He was the most stubborn baby in the world for about 3 days about refusing a cup, but in the end he did crack. Have you considered moving to mixed feeding instead? (BTW at his age it is completely fine for him to just have water during the day if he is having milk - formula or breast - at other times, so I wouldn't sweat that).

Are you feeding him to settle him back to sleep?

You could always have a go at weaning him off the breast at night, but continue breastfeeding in the day. www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
He recommends it for babies over a year old but it might be worth a read anyway.

Yes I do feed him to settle him back to sleep.

Rod, back etc.

How about getting your DH involved in other ways?
Does he do bath time for example? Or get the DSs dressed in the mornings, or give them breakfast?
TBH I am doubtful that giving up breastfeeding is a cure all for your DH not getting involved, I think its more that he has got into bad habits and has not been challenged by you until now.

Your DS may well stop night feeds soon anyway.

I don't mean this to sound critical but it seems unfair to your DS2 (and to you) to have to give up something you both enjoy with the sole aim of getting your DH to do more.

I'd keep on with the feeding and make sure DH helps in other ways.

No no he does help in other ways. he is great at breakfast time, bath time. In fact he is fabulous at all parenting that doesn't involve crying!

My DH was the same - BF settled DS so that was always the first try. At 10mo, DS was only just seriously getting into solids and still had a lot of milk so DH tended to do other stuff like bath etc.

AS DS got older though, and his sleep didn't improve, we did agree that DH would go in to settle him (from around a year IIRC) although I did the final night weaning at around 18mo.

DS is still BF morning and night at 23mo (he would be doing more but I'm pregnant and there's not much milk there!) but he and DH have a brilliant bond, even though when he's upset, he still wants mummy first.

I saw Sir John Bowlby at the LLL conference (he does research on attachment theory) and he says that the best adjusted people have two different main carers in their lives - one that does more of the nurturing (which IMO includes BF) and another that provides some nurturing and much more excitement. That's how it generally works with DH and I, except when I need the break from the nurturing side. It does seem to work for us.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that if you feel you need a break from some of the settling activities then there's no reason your DH can't do them without you stopping BF (although your DS will whinge for a while, he will get used to it if he's not genuinely hungry and he's still got someone he loves there comforting him). If you're happy with doing the settling, get your breaks other times or swap some of the time he spends with your DS1

HTH!

hijack, congratulations chairmummiow. didn't know.