Can't decide whether to stop breastfeeding

[wem]

I had a long talk with DH last night about continuing breastfeeding (DD is 13months). He surprised me by being a bit negative about carrying on. His main reason is that he wants to be able to do everything for DD. He works and I'm a SAHM so he feels that the time he is at home he wants to be able to look after her without relying on me. Which is brilliant, obviously, but definitely not a good enough reason for me to give up breastfeeding. I told him about the WHO recommendations to continue for 2 years, and he conceded that that was a pretty strong argument and the matter was settled.

However, I've just read a thread where a couple of extended bfeeders were saying how difficult they were finding weaning an older child. My enthusiasm for continuing is based on the hope/expectation that DD will eventually self-wean. I'm sure I read somewhere that it normally happens between 18 months to 2 years. I don't think I want to commit to 3+ years of feeding DD. Would it be easier to wean her now/soon?

Help! I was so sure last night about continuing, but now I'm all wobbly again.

Oh I am in a similar position. DS is 12m, I am back to work in a fortnight, parttime.

DH is not overly happy that I am carrying on with BF, mostly because he wants to be able to take him away overnight sometimes.

But... I don't want to stop yet, so tough basically. I could express but don't like it, haven't got time, and DS hasn't had a bottle since 8 weeks so not sure he would take it.

I know someone with a 2.5yo who won't wean, I have also been reading that around 12m is a bit make or break in some ways, but my DS already walks over and helps himself.

Will your DD take some cows milk so DH can look after her for a longer spell? DS spits it out, I have tried it cold, warm, in a fliptop beaker, and a cup with straw - no go.

the WHO reco takes into consideration that the majority of women live in places that have minimal medical care / unreliable food sources / unreliable or very low incomes etc etc etc. so breastfeeding works best for those women and children. so when looking at the WHO reco, you should take the same comsiderations and apply them to yourself.

basically, your child has had an aweseom start and not breastfeeding your child anymore is not going ot have any averse affects.

plus, why arent your husbands needs (in this instance) an important enough reason to stop breastfeeding?

(genuinely asking)

I think stopping now would be harder than later as the longer you wait, the older and therefore less reliant on your bfding her she'll be.
I dithered about carrying on so many times as felt pressures to stop but I'm now so relieved I carried on as long as I did and quite proud of myself as it is hard work!
In my case I insisted I was wasn't well enough to bfeed dd when she was exactly 2.5 as I must have picked up a virus or something and suddenly felt I couldn't continue. Dd was so thoughtful and coped well with going 'cold turkey' as understood she wasn't being rejected in any way. Which I think a younger child might not?
I hope you make the right decision for you too whatever that is

I have a 2y8m old who has been feeding morning and night since about 18m or maybe 2.
I do feel I could stop now if I had to, it wouldn't be pleasant but wouldn't be too bad. When we were ill recently I didn't feed him for a few days and while he was a bit upset he could be consoled in other ways. If I need to cut his feed short on a night e.g. need to feed his sister) he is happy to have me read a story or whatever - he'd prefer to continue his feed but can be negotiated with.
He was and still is a complete milk monster so it's not like he can take it or leave it.
It is completely up to you of course, but although I obviously haven't tried to wean I feel I could if I wanted to.

Why does it have to be all or nothing? There is a mid ground. How many feeds are you giving her a day? why not cut it down to a feed in the morning for instance. Once she's had her feed shes his for the day. Rearrange the b/feeding until it works for you.

My ds1 is nearly 2 and still feeding once a day ds2 is nearly 5 months.

You have done brilliantly already, what you do now is entirely up to you

iirc the WHO recommendation is for everyone not dependant on western/developing countries
I would consider whether you will want your DD to be away overnight whether BF or not. Quite often once they are a little older it's a case of 'out if sight, out of mind'. You will probably find that if you aren't there and you DH is there and can cuddle her if she wakes in the night for example she will be fine.
You can also still express and DD have it in a cup

If you don't want to stop, don't.

Vulpes - why should the husbands needs take precedence over the babies?

Same old comments , just a couple of points :-

: WHO guidelines cover everywhere not just the third world and it is "two years and beyond" not up to 2 years.

: Every child is different and will wean when they are ready. This is usually between 2 and 4 years old, if totally self weaned. If the mother encourages the child this can be much earlier.

: Childrens needs DO trump husband needs. It is selfish of a husband to ask you to stop breastfeeding if you and your child are happy with the situation. At 13 months your DH CAN do everything for his daughter. She will be able to go all day without milk and will happily stay with daddy and juice/water in a cup and solids until mummy is availble.

I wouldn't worry about what might happen next year or beyond, just think about today. If you and your DD are happy to continue nursing go for it and when either you or your DD decides you have had enough, that is the point to start weaning, not on a DH's say so.

Babies - you put it so much better than me

I disagree with offering expressed breastmilk in a cup as an alternative to breastfeeding direct. To my mind it is nothing like breastfeeding. There is no skin to skin contact, no reconnecting with mum, it is just milk in a cup.

Thanks WoTmania

By 17 months I was just feeding my DS morning and night. He had cows milk in a bottle and then a cup in the afternoon at his childminders from 12 months when I went back to work ( i had been expressing, but it had got to a point when I wasn't expressing very much). At 17 months he suddenly started 'not concentrating' on his bf like he used to and I wondered if he was ready to stop. One evening I said would you like some milk in your cup instead of from mummy & he said yes please, and that's how we weaned. I was pleased I'd carried on, and also pleased that we stopped how & when we did. Good luck!

just popping on with my 2pence worth

DS is almost 17mths. He mostly has a bf first thing in morning and last thing at night. I say mostly because some nights I don't offer and he doesn't ask. Other times like today, he's bf loads during day as well, but think its because he's not feeling well.

I think family, other than DP obviously, think i've stopped. We've got pil staying here for a week so it'll be interesting to see their reaction

As for DP putting him to bed/getting him up without being able to bf him, DS completely happy for DP to do it his way. Not sure what he does, don't think he offers him cow's milk even. I've never asked because on the few occasions it has happened, I thought it was best to just let DP get on with it without him feeling like i was judging him.

OP, my first night away wasn't my choice (overnight stay in hospital) so I'm not sure i would have chosen to spend the night away from them both. But, actually, it was fine and as a result, I can now go out for an evening before DS in bed

To clarify I didn't mean all milk from a cu0p. I just meant if they are away for, say, 24 hours or so.

Another thing. What about going on Kellymom and printing the stuff abot the benefits of nursing past 1 for DH to read.
Very possibly he is uncomfortable with the idea of you BF an 'older' baby and this is an excuse rather than telling you that.

I could, of course, be totally wrong

Got you, expressing milk to leave for DH to give to child when mum is away, via cup/bottle.

I did that a lot for DD, I wouldn't leave her with my mum or anyone without a couple of bottles of expressed milk, just in case.

I chilled out more with DS and left him with my mum without milk and he coped fine. He never asked for milk until he was back home with me.

Yes. I was the same with DS1 but the other 2 I can leave for a couple of hours. It helps that I an trust my mum not to give formula.
DSs stayed with parents the other night(first time ever and I didnt really enjoy it) and DS2 was fine with no milk for 18-19 hours. He made up for it once I got there though .

i weaned DS2 at 15 montsh when i was 6 months pg and i really regretted it later. basically he went on a short nursing strike but i didn't know that's what it was and thought he was self weaning, so i just stopped. it was quite painful by then as well ( pesky hormones).

I feel really sad that I stopped so early and didn't feed him longer. Especially as he has eczema and hay fever and we have a family history of things like diabetes and heart disease and bf reduces the risk.

I fed the next baby til 3.5 and had no trouble weaning him. IMHO it would be crazy to wean now in the hope it might be " easier" . Surely it will be much easier when the timing is right for you and DD and she can wean naturally ? The " Dh wanting to care for her" bit is just a red herring , but I suspect you knwo that

This is on my mind too. DS is 15 months and feeds morning, night and if desparate in the middle of the night, and on rare occasions during the day. He generally doesn't ask during the day but really wants it morning and night, and if he wakes up in the night. I have left him overnight (ie missing 2 feeds) and a few times not been there for the night feed, and it is not a (major) problem - especialy in the morning he will be happy with cereal after the initial disappointment that I am not there. I dont think however that he would be happy with me being there and not feeding him.

So far this arrangement suits everyone fine and I am planning to carry on for the forseaable future. However I do occasionally wonder about when he will wean, how I might cope with tandem feeding, etc etc but I am far too softhearted concerned for his welfare and happiness to try and stop at the minute. Best of luck in however you decide to play it.

Thanks everyone, sorry I didn't come back, Christmas, y'know .

Just to clarify a couple of things - DH hasn't and wouldn't ever ask/tell me to stop, we just fell into a long conversation about it and he aired a few of his thoughts on the matter. He has always been 100% supportive of me breastfeeding, which was why it was a surprise to hear him talk negatively about it.

DD won't drink cows' milk from cup, but to be honest we haven't pushed it yet. She does drink water from it though.

I have been wondering when I would be able to skip the odd feed without DD getting upset. I'm starting a course soon which will mean I'm won't be around for bedtime once a week, so we were going to start experimenting then. Hopefully if she's ok with that DH will feel we have a bit more freedom/flexibility.

Anyway, noone has said it'll be easier to wean her now rather than later, so I guess I'll stick with it for now

One thing I would add is that if you are unsure, and carry on, you can always change your mind later and decide to wean
if you are unsure, and stop, it is unlikely you would be able to change your mind and start breastfeeding again

I know when your baby is 1, that the thought of breastfeeding a 3 year old seems insane
however if you do decide to try natural term breastfeeding and your dd is still going strong aged 3, things will be quite different by then
you will be able to negotiate boundaries and etiquette for instance
it's usual to be only feeding once or twice a day if that's what you want
or i have heard of children only wanting to feed every couple of days, or only at bedtime, etc
it's such a useful thing to have up your sleeve (for both of you - your husband is probably underestimating / not aware of the health and emotional benefits for you BOTH - breastfeeding a fractious difficult toddler is a fantastic way for YOU to calm down, as well as her - it produces hormones that encourage calmer, loving parenting on your part!)
i don't hear many people say they wish they had stopped breastfeeding but i do often hear people say they wish they'd carried on

not a very balanced post from me but i feel strongly it can be great thing for both mothers and toddlers !

I fed my 1st to 10 months and then we all got gastric flu and we stopped feeding for a week. No one told me or explained that we could go on feeding after that. I thought as we had stopped that was it. I have regretted ever since.

DS2 I fed to 15/16 months and he stopped as I was pregnant with DS3. When DS3 was born he came back to feeding ad I tandem fed for quite a few months.

DS3 is 2.6 years now and shows no sign of stopping. He only generally has 1 feed a day now. He has days if I am busy where he has no feed. When we were on holiday at Autumn half term he didn't feed for a week but as soon as we were home again back he came. I don't know when he will stop but we are quite happy with how things are.

My DS self-weaned at around 2 years and 9 months. By then his baby brother was around 3 months old and I think he decided that breastfeeding was for babies. He decided not to wear nappies at the same time, too.

Up until then, for his it was very much a case of "out of sight, out of mind." He frequently stayed the night with the in-laws and just had cow's milk or water and wasn't troubled by the lack of breastfeeding at all. He'd usually have a quick feed when we were reunited however.

For us it was a marvellous experience and I'd highly recommend it. To be honest it was hardly any bother at all and I often joke that I was just too lazy to wean him because it meant doing something other than sit on the sofa. But the cuddling time was very special.

I tandem-fed for a few months and DS1 enjoyed "teaching" his baby brother how to feed. I think it did contribute to developing a bond between them.

You need to do what you feel is right. I never really thought about it; just carried on until he stopped which I now argue is the hassle-free approach to parenting!