Weaning a very old baby

[eggandsoldiers]

I am weaning my dd. She is three and a half. She wants to carry on feeding but I feel I have to stop now. I feel sad, she is begging me for feeds . I have tried the never offer never refuse method and it has not worked. Any extended breastfeeders out there able to offer me some reassurance.

I think I'll be posting the same in a couple of years time! DS is 18mo and loves the boob. Really seems to need it. I've been doing don't offer, don't refuse for 6 months and it's made no difference whatsoever.

I did read (on MN no doubt) that someone's mum suggested they offer the choice of a breastfeed or hot chocolate. Apparently, the chocolate wins eventually. A bit wrong but genius too!

Someone will be along with some proper advice soon, I'm sure

I have tried that, offering anything she wants but she always opts for a feed. She has been very tearful today. Should I give in. I sort of feel I 'should' stop, I just want to do what is right for her and not for me but it is hard to separate the two ifyswim that is presuposing I even know what is right for either of us!

That's bad news Lenin. I thought the older they got the more bribable they got. Shit.

Oh god. I just went away for 3 days, thought he might forget about it. Er, nope- has been firmly attached to my breast ever since I got back. Woke at 4am this morning demanding 'mama'.
I think I need to admit this will go on for some time. Thanks for the heads up. And apologies eggandsoldiers for the hijack.

Has anyone mentioned not sitting down in her presence? May sound daft but often that's when they pounce.
You could have a really packed, fun, activity-laden christmas so maybe she gets distracted.

She got me the other morning, when she sidled into bed with me! But not today and I think you are right WoTmania, if the opportunies are not there she does not think of it.

Ds was 2 when I weaned him, I was preg with dd and my boobs were really sore, I told him that mummys boobs were poorly and they had no milk left.
He was upset for the first day but fine after that.

I have weaned a 4 year old and a 3 year old. The only way I found that worked was to be a bit cruel tbh. We talked about how it was going to end and then I stuck to it through their tears. It was difficult the first 2-3 days and then absolutely fine.

Never offer, never refuse, would never work in our house either.

I am tandem nursing DD 3.7 years and DS 17 months old and my oldest has no intention of weaning. We do talk about when she is going to wean but no agreement as yet.

All I have managed to do is limit her nursing sessions to first thing in the morning, before sleeping and when she is super tired, upset and ill (well all bets are off when she is ill) and she is night weaned.

Apparantly once the older child decides to wean it can happen very fast. That is what I am hopeing will happen to us (fingers crossed at some point in the next year)

I weaned ds2 at 2.1 by going out of town for a work thing for a week. Dh mentioned a few times that "Mommy has run out of Mommy milk". It was very hard to refuse him when I came back but just kept telling him there was no more milk. It worked but stopping was much,much harder than I had ever imagined it would be - for both of us. He is 3 now and I am sure he would still be nursing if I had not done something to specifically stop.

OP, is there really a need to wean her? some kids naturally wean themselves a bit later, around 4 or 5. The time will come on its own if you're prepared to wait.

I appreciate any reasons you might have for wanting to, but only because you say that you want ot what's best for her, I'd say let her have it. At her age she still needs your milk for physically developmental reasons, but obviously emotional too. She's not ready to let that part of your relationship go yet.

I apologise if I sound harsh, I have no intetnion, you have done a wonderful thing for your dd bfing her for so long, well done.

I hope you find a way for both of you to be happy.

Have a nice christmas x

If you really want to stop, then I agree about minimising opportunities. you can also set boundaries with a child of this age -limiting the times of day they can feed and/or how long for or how frequently. Obviously you would start gently with only minor restrictions.

Once ds was down to 1-2 feeds a week I bought him off with a toy he really wanted in exchange for no more milk. He asked once more, was reminded of the deal and never mentioned it again. He was 3.10 and I was 4 weeks pg with dd2 and still feeding dd1 aged 17 months. Oh actually, he did ask to have a go when dd2 was about a week old (he was 4.7) and I let him try, but he'd forgotten how to latch .

If you decide you really do want to wean I would recommend the not sitting down in the feeding place, getting breakfast on the go quick smart type approach. Super enthusiastic distraction eg lets paint/ make biscuits whatever. Also wearing clothes that make those boobies inaccessable. My dd was 2.5, she had started to lose interest & I was pregnant but I did cut out one feed at a time, then another 2 weeks later. I did discuss it with her & explain as we went along. Surprisingly there were no tears & it was fairly painless but I did have to stick to my guns & be calm & kind yet resolute!
I know my dd was younger & it's a different situation to yours, hope you come up with a solution that is good for all.
Oh yeah, I did read 'how weaning works' sorry can't remeber the author & found it interesting & helpful, borrowed it from my local bf group.
Good luck!

Why do you feel like you 'should' wean her? If it's upsetting you this much just thinking about it then I'd recommend carrying on, but imposing some boundaries about when and where she can feed. I have gradually done this with dd (now 3.10), so that she just has it first thing in the morning now. I've started to mention that when she's 4 she will be a big girl and won't have it any more (I am also feeding 14 month old ds and am 13 weeks pregnant with number 3, so would like her to stop before I become a triandem feeder!).