Decided that tonight would be night I stopped BF. DD woke as usual and it has been my habit to settle her, if she was upset, with a feed. Partly because I am so sleep deprived, partly because I couldn't see the harm in it.
Lately though it's become clear that the feeds are purely for comfort. She can't get much milk, I don't leak for example, or get very full. And as she wakes several times a night, I figured only stopping BF might lead to either of us getting a better nights sleep.
DD had a full on meltdown, screaming with rage and frustration. I put earplugs in and told myself I was going to see this through. I couldn't comfort her, she just thought that meant milk, so I laid her down repeatedly - about 20 times - till she put her head on my lap and quietened. Then I stroked her hair till she fell asleep.
I've had a good cry and feel miserable and gutted at this ending. I don't know if I've done the right thing, but the sleep deprivation is really starting to affect me now, and we co-sleep too.
I got a lot out of BF, but I felt that now was the right time as we both need a good nights sleep. I don't know if this means I have to stop completely. I feel terrible for depriving her tho, and something like grief for the end of a beautiful time.