My DS is 12 weeks and I have been BF but giving him 1 bottle of formula at night since he was 3 weeks so that DH had a chance to feed him too and I got a break.
I really enjoyed the BFing but found (not realising I was such a control freak) that I struggled with not knowing how much he was having as he often faffed about on me, even before the bottle was introduced and most of the time would fall asleep within minutes, then wake up half an hour later screaming with hunger, but then still faffed about in a panicky fashion. He also had colic and reflux, which he is still suffering with, so I started expressing alot which helped relieve my worries, enabled us to give him the gaviscon easier and he was able to have a good feed in one go and be alot happier the rest of the time.
I would still give him a feed when we had plenty of time and we were both relaxed, which is something he also struggled with in the beginning as his muscles down his right side were really tight, as he was stuck inside me whilst I was pushing for 2 1/2 hours before they delivered him with forceps, we took him to a cranial osteopath to help relieve that.
So having gotten very little sleep before he was even born (69 hour labour), then feeding every half hour which wasn't always very enjoyable if he got panicky, colicky and then very sick I was so ridiculously tired I felt sick all the time, had no energy to play with him, was snappy with DH and although enjoying being a mummy and loving my little boy just sat watching tv cuddling him. Whereas now, having the bottles he is sleeping more throughout the night so we're getting more sleep and I have more energy to play with him and DH looks safe to drive to work which he hasn't done for a few weeks now.
My problem is that the expressing is really taking it out of me, so occasionally I'd give him an extra ff and have found that that really satisfies him a lot more and he'll sleep for a couple of hours longer at night, nearly going through. I'm now considering giving up the BF and just sticking with the formula as he seems happier and more satisfied, he sleeps better it's easier for me and I have more energy when I don't have to express or take an hour to feed him properly off me and as he's sleeping more I get more sleep and don't feel like a zombie. Does that make me selfish? I feel like I'll be losing something special with him if I stop even though everyone comments on what a close bond we have already and how happy he is. I wanted to BF until he was 6 months as it's what's claimed is best for him and I'm beating myself up at the thought of stopping now. On another purely selfish note I'm quite liking that it is helping me lose weight, although with more energy I'd be able to start exercising again...
Sorry this is such a long post, I'm just feeling so confused I don't know what to do...