MORE support for breastfeeding!! What does it take to get support, REAL support, not just advertising "Breast is Best"!!!!

[QueenofVenus]

Im expecting my 4th baby begining of feb and having spent pretty much the last 10 years submerged in all things child-birth breastfeeding v bottlefeeding etc etc, ALL the new mum i speak to regardless of it being their 1st baby or 8th all say there is just not enough 'PROPER' support, theres lots of information available via midwives, health visitors, phone numbers to call etc but i (among many other mums) dont believe that constitutes 'support'. I was VERY reluctant to breastfeed my first baby, and altho midwives would 'promote' it as i said i dont really want to or i'll give it a go but im not too bothered, they were quick to walk away and get me some formula, now im not for a single second saying new mum who dont want to breastfeed should be 'pushed' into it, im well aware how some poor mums have made a very educated decision and absolutley do NOT want to breastfeed, but surely a trained midwife/HV can spot the difference between an educated decisive mum, and a slightly nervous or unsure mum?? I didnt feed my first myself for very long at all, about 1 - 2 weeks perhaps and that was with 'top-ups' i didnt understand how much of an impact my diet had on my milk quality (i knew it had an impact obviously, but not how much!) I didnt have a clue that the more i fed my baby the more milk id produce, i was truly clueless and if id had better support and LOTS more information id have kept at it. When i stopped feeding him i felt bad, let down, and fed-up, and vowed to make better effort with my second, and id learned many lessons with my 1st mistakes, my ds2 i fed myslef for 8 months, and my dd i fed for 18 months, my son (1st baby) is the only one of my kids who has Chronic heavy steroid controlled Asthma, my other 2 are absolutley fine and i dont believe for a single second that its a fluke or coincidence!!!

I agree with you, its all well and good the NHS stating that 'breast is best' and trying to promote it, but the support is patchy if you do have a problem as I did with my dd. I am preganant with dc2 and the the same midwife that i had with dd came, I told her that i wanted more support this time with bf but i did not feel reassured that i will get it.

Queen - you sound well-prepared!

I agree: 'support' is actually having a dialogue and a relationship with the mother, so choices can be discussed fully.

BTW - your diet has virtually no impact at all on your milk quality so that's one less thing to worry about!

I may have worded that wrong, i doubt diet has any impact on the quality, but i do believe it has 'some' impact, obviously when i ate garlic/onions etc baby would be VERY windy and gassy etc. Nobody made me aware of this, until i mentioned how windy baby was and then midwife or HV would say "what have you been eating" I dont know, i and many of my friends just think its very sad how many mums out there give up quickly or dont even try because the only 'help' they get is "if your struggling put baby on the breast more frequently" that is NOT help

Totally agree. Help for me was almost totally absent on the NHS, and wrong. The only reason I managed to feed for as long as I did/have is because I could afford a private lactation consultant, to hire a great pump, buy pumping bras, get help w childcare so that I could pump, etc. More help, more educated helpful help, would be amazing.

It's funny, I had DS2 9 weeks ago, unfortunately in hospital & having fed DS1 for 2 years, with no problems was fully expecting things to take off as easily with DS2.

I just happened to mention to the midwives (who were excellent) that I thought DS2's latch was a bit lazy, she immediately insisted on getting the hospitals breastfeeding practitioner out to me. I secretly thought, well you know, I don't need any help - I've been doing it for 2 years, I've read loads on MN and in books, it's a passion and I'm practically an expert. I just want to go home - leave me ALONE However, they picked up on his tongue tie immediately, got it TRIPLE checked ! and got me referred to the consultant straight away.

The referral was a bit of a cock up, but my community midwife refused to discharge me until the tongue tie was sorted, chased up the appointment & insisted I go to my local breastfeeding cafe for support. I didn't go util after it had been snipped, but the lactation consultant thinks it's still a little tight, but we're not having any more problems so we're not too concerned.

All in all, I've gone from being utterly apprehensive to totally enthusiastic about my hospital service, they have been fantastic. DS2 was born at the North Staffordshire Uni hospital so it's a very busy hospital, but I think I was very lucky to have such great support. Why that can't be the case in other counties, I don't know...

(Apologies for the grammar in that post... )

Agree. I think the support that is lacking is that we are not surrounded by friends and family members breastfeeding like it's a normal part of life - most of us never get to witness a breastfeed from start to finish until we have our own children. For this reason, I think women should be encouraged to attend breastfeeding support groups before they give birth - those first few days after birth are crucial for establishing breastfeeding, and it's often too late by the time they have found a group. I just think generally women are 'sold' this idea that babies will feed every few hours and will be in some sort of routine pretty early on. This just isn't reality for most breastfed babies, so women end up feeling like they've done something wrong.

Agree with missjackson, breastfeeding support should start BEFORE birth. I was lucky enough to have friends that had breastfed, and went to the NCT breastfeeding session as part of my classes, but breastfeeding was barely mentioned in my antenatal care or NHS classes. Just 'planning to breastfeed?' and I'd nod, and they'd say 'oh good' and tick a box!

Even the session with the NCT lady wasn't really good enough. We all came out of it quite enthusiastic about breastfeeding, but when the realities of it set in after birth and some of us had problems, we all sort of agreed she'd painted too rosy a picture and hadn't prepared us to face some of the challenges. And despite saying she'd support us, one of the ladies desperately tried to get ahold of her many times and got no response.

Also, even though I've hardly had any trouble from the start, it was really great that when they suspected DS might have a bit of tongue tie, they sent out the breastfeeding midwife to see me a few times and check him/the latch again. It ended up he was ok, but just having someone there to say 'you're doing it right, it looks great' was a huge confidence-booster. Positive reinforcement goes a long way!

"we are not surrounded by friends and family members breastfeeding like it's a normal part of life - most of us never get to witness a breastfeed from start to finish until we have our own children"

Exactly!!

I did attend an NCT BF session when pg with DS1. I was v disappointed though as if it hadn't been for MN, I would have been really put off by that session.

My experience of NHS BF advisors is excellent but would be good if the NHS would provide contact details for them and a session to attend prior to giving birth. IMHO, this should include realities of BFing, issues (such as tongut tie, mastitis, thrush) and also some info about FF. Maybe finished off by an open discussion about pros v cons with people feeling free to be honest without being made to feel guilty about their informed choices.
It could be that a BF mum could also attend that session and share their experience.

I was lucky that despite problems with DS having a tongue tie undiagnosed for a month, I discovered I had a strong desire to BF and have managed to make a success of exclusive BF. DS is approaching 7mo now.

I agree with that statement too - "we are not surrounded by friends and family members breastfeeding like it's a normal part of life - most of us never get to witness a breastfeed from start to finish until we have our own children" - very sad it should be that way!
When i was pregnant with my first (he is now 9) i went to all the usual parenting classes etc, but looking back breastfeeding was barely brought up, and when it was, it was brief to say the least. Maybe they feel if they give you all the gory horrible facts aswell it'll put you off??? As ive said, i didnt manage to bfeed my ds1, but after succesfully managing it with ds2 and dd1 i know alot, if not MOST of the gory horrible bits of bfeeding, and it doesnt put me off at all!! - if anything, it makes me feel more triumphant when i overcome them, and then i feel proud of myself and my baby. I would NEVER EVER mock or say anything against a woman that chose not to bfeed because she just genuinely didnt want to, for some women its a clear and confident decision and that should be respected!! But for me, i cant think of anything more unnatural, cold and bondless then putting a plastic bottle full of pasturised, standardised, homogenititised, filtered, treated, chemically mish-mashed shit into my babys tummy! And sadly some of the mums that i have gotten to know at a local mum and baby club feel the same, but have not managed to bfeed because they "felt unprepared, and like failures" - they should have had help!!!!

I think particularly with the NCT class more honesty and detail about potential problems was needed. They don't give us enough credit for being able to hear about problems without being put off BFing. I reckon that the women who make an effort to attend breastfeeding classes beforehand would rather not be fed an overly glossy picture. We're there because we want to be INFORMED, and that means bad stuff with the good.

Plus it did make some of the ladies in my group feel quite bad when it wasn't as easy as the NCT lady had insisted. They had some normal problems, like thrush and mastitis, but were left feeling like they'd done something wrong because it wasn't all smiles and chuckles.