Advice needed - little sister pregnant & wants to breastfeed BUT...

[MincePAELLA]

...already issues have crept up hindering her (so she feels). She is only 22 and is studying at Uni and fell pregnant accidentally. Although both her and her partner are very happy to be having this baby, she is finding it hard as she has no other peers/friends in the same situation as her. I am 13 yrs older than her so half sister/half mother in capacity IYSWIM.

She is due in 10 weeks and wants to breastfeed but already has talked about it being a problem:

1. She has heard from her roommate and her friend at work how they stopped bf "because they didn't have enough milk".

1. She is incredibly body conscious and feels embarrassed by the whole thing bf thing. She constantly asks me how I feel when I bf my DS2 in public. She says she would have to be in a car if out and about or at home.

1. Family history in bf quite bad. Our mother was told she "couldn't bf" (severe reflux probs w/all my brothers and sisters and paeds recommended soy formula! ) and has promptly told my sister this could be a problem for her too.

The longest anyone has ever bf in the family (aunts etc) is now on me at a mere 5 months (still feeding though). We are plagued with getting mastitis, thrush etc.

On top of that both my mother and grandmother are originally from a middle class family in South America where ff was seen as something the "rich, white people did" hence them thinking it was better to do. I personally don't understand that attitude but I wasn't raised in their culture/time. And my grandmother (who did try and bf) was told "she didn't have enough milk" as her babies wanted to feed more than every 4 hours. She is constantly asking me if I have enough milk and goes on about baby cereal.

1. She doesn't really see young girls bf and sees it as something us older women in are 30's do.

So I guess I was wondering what I can do to help my sister. She is going on an NCT bf antenatel class next month, maybe I can arm her w/questions and advice to check?

I also feed DS2 in front of her to make it look "less embarrassing" for when she has to do it.

She is celeb mad (she is a very young 22 yr old) so hearing that Nicole Richie are someone like that is bf makes her feel it is what girls her age do. Any bf groups/sites aimed at younger women out there?

Anyhow, sorry for long post but any help would be great.

Here is the webpage for a local pro-breastfeeding campaign aimed at young mums.

1. It might be worth getting her a book, or pointing her at Kellymom for information on how breastfeeding works, particularly supply and demand.

1. Public embarassment is a problem - but if you can show her public breastfeeding without showing a lot of flesh, and make clear to her that nobody can manage subtle breastfeeding in the first weeks, but most people work it out soon after that, that might help.

1. This is normal - most countries and cultures have had the 'breastfeeding is for poor people' thing. At least she has you to support her!

1. Your sister is right - BF isn't something young girls do, that much, it's more something older women do.

hi
I was in the same position as your sister when I had my first I was at uni although I was a bit younger at 20. I didnt breastfeed because of the same reasons. If your were my sister the best thing you could have done for me is just give me some positive stories but without lying and aslo give me some realistic tips to cope with things etc. Also perhaps direct her to the surestart breastfeeding groups as I found them helpful with my last baby even though I only partially breastfed her.

I am 25 and having dc4 in 3 weeks, and really want to BFB again. I only bf my 3rd (had her at 23). I am seeing more and more young mums feed, even teenagers now.

It helped me knowing about pretty bras [shallow emoticon]. It helped me knowing which cafes in town i could sit in/face the other way/nappy change in, it felt less of a hurdle knowing where my 'safehouses' were. It helped me to know BF would lose me weight quickly (it did).

My Mum didn't BF us (3 of us) but the support and positive comments she gave me were amazing and spurred me on. She sounds very keen to BF, and its great you want to help.

You could show her BF tops, or tell her to wear a bump band, and pull her normal top up, so tummy is not exposed and the top is covering the top part of her breast. The baby's head covers the rest .

Lots of young celebs BF - Nicole Richie, Charlotte Church, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Tess Daly, etc.

I felt very self conscious about the idea of breastfeeding in public at first and had to be forced by a very dear friend whilst in a cafe to BF DS whilst we were having our lunch - I thought he would sleep whilst we ate and I could feed him when we got back to her house but he woke up and screamed the place down:
"Everyone will stare" I said.
"Everyone is staring because your baby is screaming his head off. Feed that baby or I'll do it myself". (she was still bfing her daughter)

I feel ashamed about that now.

The whole not enough milk/mastit is/thrush thing is something that has often been caused (in the past, I do know these things do still happen to some women) because women were taught to feed four hourly and demand feeding was totally no no. My mother got mastitis and thrush with all of us. She tried to get me to only feed DS every four hours. I pointed out what that had done to her. She shut up.

I had my 1st at 22 and bf her aswell as my other 2 dd's all the mums i know and have met around my age or younger bf so not really an age thing imo as there are allot of older mums at my dd's school that didnt consider it. I felt i wouldnt be able to breastfeed my first dd in public in fact in front of family but you get over it and become more confident at it.

Would be good if she had good support to make sure she has a good latch and i also agree to feed on demand. Hope she manages ok

forearm her with as much info as you can about baby cafes, bf support groups, nct, la leche etc. hopefully nct should help with making her feel a bit more positive about the whole thing.

good luck, you sound like a lovely sister

Thanks for all the tips.

I just think having the females in a family to help can get bf off to a good start. When I had problems with my first 2DC's I had no one to turn to in the family. I want to break the cycle. I even let my DD bring her dollies to me to bf and she then does the same (pretends to bf).

Suggests that she look at herself breastfeeding in front of a mirror & she might realise how little she actually will expose to the public.

Tell her all the time (& money) saving benefits of bf.

Sell the benefits of being out with friends (& baby) & not having to leave early to make up another bottle.

Suggests that she look at herself breastfeeding in front of a mirror & she might realise how little she actually will expose to the public.

Tell her all the time (& money) saving benefits of bf.

Sell the benefits of being out with friends (& baby) & not having to leave early to make up another bottle.

I BF my DS - I'm at uni & had him when I was 20. I've never encountered any nastiness from anybody. & actually, I'm one of the very lucky people who has never experienced any pain or discomfort at all from BF, from the first feed. It is possible. As for the body conscious thing - I started off wearing a vest top underneath another top. I pulled up the top layer & pulled the bra & vest down, leaving only a small area exposed - which was covered by his head. I also draped a muslin over my shoulder to cover any small gaps. Now I don't care so much.

On the 'not having enough milk' thing, I think it would probably help to educate her about why lots of women of previous generations felt that their milk dried up or that they didn't have enough. As others have said, regimented 4 hour feeding really damaged many women's supply a generation or so ago. Also, in hospital babies were routinely given bottles in the night, missing out on the all important night time stimulation in the early days to kick start production.

If your sister explains that she's heard lots of these stories when she goes to the NCT class, the teacher should be able to give her all the details. I found that it didn't undermine my confidence when people made "my milk dried up" comments because I knew that it wasn't biological/hereditary as such, but the body's response to some very artificial conditions (which I wasn't imposing on it).

Also, lots of women more recently felt that they didn't have enough milk when they hit a growth spurt and the baby seemed to want to feed all the time. Get her to specifically ask the NCT teacher about growth spurts and cluster feeding.

Finally, on the celeb tally, Christina Aguilera (sp?) breastfed her son. So did Ashlee Simpson. There are a ton of slightly older celebrity mums who breastfed too: Angelina Jolie, Naomi Watts, Gwen Stefani, Mary-Louise Parker, Salma Hayek, Kate Beckinsale, Kate Winslet, Courtney Cox, Isla Fisher...

You sound like a lovely big sister.

It might be helpful for her to visit some breastfeeding support groups towards the end of the pregnancy. They welcome 'bumps' as well. That way she can get to know some of the local bfing supporters, and feel more comfortable about going to the groups once the baby is born. Different groups often have different atmospheres, some are very sociable places, where mums go to socialise and be among other bfers, as well as to get help with bfing difficulties.

Once the baby is born, it could be a huge help if you were to take her to bfing group without her feeling she needs to be desperate before going.

I had my first at 20 and breastfed him like all my children. If you feed with the baby in a sling or carrier people don't even know. Also mamaway have nice feeding clothes that help you to keep things unnoticeable. I liked the freedom breastfeeding gave me. Having a small baby can make you feel trapped, if you breastfeed at least you can go anywhere and do anything at any time and without notice, knowing you don't have to plan and prep bottles e.t.c.

I wouldn't "arm her with questions" for the NCT breastfeeding class. You learn a lot there anyway, and she'll have lots of questions herself. She'll be more relaxed if she just goes along to see what they say. If she has further queries after that perhaps go with her to a breastfeeding cafe so she can speak to other mums?

Arming her w/questions may be overwhelming BUT I wish I had more info when I did my BF class 4 yrs ago.

I had never heard of cluster feeding (and it was not mentioned) and it knocked my confidence with DS1; that coupled with thinking a baby should go at least 3 hours btw each feed made me doubt my ability and formula top ups crept up. Add latching issues and thrush a few times to the mix and bf/expressing ended by 18 weeks. I guess due to my experience I am a bit too into the "forewarned is forearmed".

I need to find the balance for her.

I was in a similar situation when i had ds. I was at college, but had just moved in with my partner. I was 21 and bf for a mere 5 months. I didn't know anyone my age with children at all, but got back in touch witha girl i went to school with who had a ds and didn't even consider bfing him because she felt it was what older mums do.
There is a 17 year old mum, a friend of my little sisters. She comes from a rough family, and it was no shock when she fell pg at 15. She now has a 1 year old, who is still BF. I think she is amazing really.

Tell your sister that everyone will be supportive and admire her for being a bfing young mum. Tell her to wear two tops to help with public feeding.