Tips please – discrete breastfeeding in public

[damnitdamnit]

DD2 is 5 days old and bf has got off to a really good start . She has been weighed and not lost too much, midwife was very happy.
I bf DD1 but had a few problems mainly with jaundice and then was advised to top up with formula which i followed (she did lose a lot of weight) In the end after mix feeding for about 12 weeks i felt i had too low supply and switched to formula. Another problem i had with DD1 was that i just could not bring myself to feed in public. I therefore did go out with ebm or sometimes formula or timed it with her not needing a feed.
This time i really want to go for it, i will need to feed while out as DD1 has regular activities that will require me to feed DD2 in public. However i cannot do it discreetly. I do have quite big breasts (not huge) but when i latch her on whole boob seems to be out swung round in full view, even muslin square does not seem to help this situation as i seem to get caught up in it. DD2 seems to be frequently on of the breast to poo/wind during a feed on top of this.
Can anyone give me their best tips on how to feed discreetly? How does the double top thing work? I have bought a sling but have tried to feed with this on at home and am finding it hard. When i am out i do notice other mothers feeding but you cannot see full breast, side of body etc. How do i do that! At the moment i am coping fie as DH is at home and taking DD1 all over the place leaving me to feed as and when necessary at home.
Thanks in advance.

oh i meant to put more spaces in that, hope people can still be bothered to read it!

damnit, I think everyone feels self concious to begin with. Do you go to any mother and baby type groups or a breast feeding cafe or similar. maybe if you could get to one of those you might feel more comfortable practising in public, as people will not stare etc at you, they will be too busy looking after their own babies!!
Your dd is only 5 days old so the both of you are still learning/practising bf at all. Don't be too hard on yourself. Once bf is established it will become easier and you can just pop her on, and then pull down your top again to cover most of it!! Try wearing a cardigan or something so that your side is covered even if your top is pulled up.
TBH, I hardly notice people feeding in public and the more people try to cover themselves up, with shawls and blankets etc.. it actually seems to draw attention to them more iyswim!!
At the end of the day, focus on you and your baby and who cares what anyone else thinks. Try to be confident and no-one will notice. And trust me, even if they do, I doubt anyone will say anything!

damnit I have small boobs so never felt too exposed when breastfeeding in public but I have a friend with a huge bust (breast bigger than baby's head!) who felt very uncomfortable displaying herself so she bought one of those bebeaulait covers www.bebeaulait.com/index.php. You can get them or similar things in mothercare and john lewis.

I've also seen nursing ponchos online (which are a bit less obvious than the covers to be honest) or even a regular poncho if it wasn't too thick or heavy would probably do the trick. For times when i did want to cover up a bit more i had one of those shawls with arms (I think i got it in whistles) so you can wrap it around yourself and baby without being too obvious.

Good luck and hope the breastfeeding continues to go well for you.

Congratualtions on getting this far - it's not easy, is it?! Have you tried practicing in front of a mirror? I did this - and found observers can see far less than it feels as if they can. I also used to carry a big (much bigger than a muslin) very light shawl/pashmina type thing to drape over if I felt at all self conscious. I couldn't do the double top thing - I just used to wear big tops (usually stolen from my dp) And nothing that buttons down the front.

Bear in mind (sorry if I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs here) that it's very early days - she will get much better at feeding with practice. And so will you. And once you've got the getting her latched on bit sorted you will be abe to do it quickly and without drawing any attention to yourselves, so nobody will notice.

And if anybody does notice, they will usually just smile benignly and look away. I was desperate for someone to be nasty to me about breastfeeding in public so that I could give them a piece of my mind, but I never had a single negative comment, only approval and free cups of tea!

I wear a fairly loose t-shirt which I pull up and then a pregnancy belly band to cover my stomach. Haven't found the breastfeeding tops particularly discreet for larger breasts so this is what works for me.

The other thing that helped was that I went out once with my husband before he went back to work and then a few times with friends or family so that I had done it in public with some moral support before I had to do it on my own.

Well done you!

I ahve very big norks and thought i'd never be able to do it in public. What really helped was being with other mums who were breastfeeding. I made two friends from baby massage and neither them minded whipping them out and it really helped.

I always wore a vest under my top, then you are covered up. Discreet is sometimes just about confidence. Oh and where you sit, if in a cafe don't go for a window seat

It won't be long before you are even more cofident with your feeding a muslin will be easy to use.

Sounds a little daft but practice in front of a mirror and you get an idea how much flesh (or not) you are exposing.

I'm in the same boat as you (only not due for another 3 weeks) I stayed home mostly when I BF DS but won't be able to do this with DD as I'll need to be out and about taking DS to his various activities so I've got to get more confident with feeding in public.

With DS I mostly used the large top with a belly band or feeding vest underneath so that I could lift my top without exposing my tummy and side. This time, I'm going to be doing the same again but have also bought myself some breastfeeding tops. I asked on here and had a couple recommended.

I have this one which has an untieable section at the front which reveals a short lift up white t-shirt and should mean that the tops of my boobs plus my tummy and sides are covered

and this one which has a tummy covering section and an overlapping boob covering section so that I can lift up one side of the boob section and feed while the rest of me is covered.

Obviously baby isn't here yet but I've been able to try them on and I think they're going to work well.

I've also got one of those big, waterfall cardigans with the very long sides. It's been great while I'm pregnant as it has plenty of room to wrap round bump and I'm hoping I'll be able to carry on wrapping both of us up in it to feed too.

So hopefully, I won't be giving everyone an eyeful and I'll not freeze to death feeding in December

Congratulations!

This has all been said but I was self conscious about breastfeeding in public and didn't do so until DS was 4 weeks. To prepare, I:

• did it at a friend's house (I wasn't the only one) so I could practise with an audience as it were
• got a couple of feeding vests from jojomaman (not ones with holes for boobs, just ones with a clip down front. I then practised with different tops over the vest.
• got DH to check out my "exposure" from different angles.

Someone on here gave me the best tip - use a feeding vest and tshirt so when you feed, undo your bra and feeding vest before lifting t shirt to feed. This can be done one handed. Also wear a cardie to help with side flashing.

First time I BF I was worried but went out with a couple of other mums. After that I was more relaxed about it. Although I don't get out much in this weather!!

I too have giant norks and found it nigh on impossible to be discreet. Used t-shirts with buttons down the front and vests underneath so I could pull the vest up and the t-shirt down (unlike those of smaller nork who seem to be able to pull the tshirt up and the vest down).

But as others have said, hardly anyone notices if you are just confident about it. You have every right to feed your baby in public. you don't have to be militant about it (unless you want to be) but it is much more noticable if you are trying to scrunch yourself up so noone can see.

I've never had any nasty comments (though like seeker I did sometimes hope I would so I could be all self-righteous about it!)

Congratulations! And good luck!

I just pretend I'm confident and focus on the baby. I don't look up or around until she's latched on and I've covered up as much as I want (cardigan usually and a bump band). My daughter is NOT discreet about feeding! I feign nonchalence.

Sorry if I repeat stuff as I haven't had time to read all the replies. Bump band or a vest top with long enough straps to pull down under breast, underneath a normal top - but something fairly loose is easier to pull around the space you need rather than expose everything.

As well as having a muslin on hand (make sure you have the biggest ones you can get, sizes do vary) a largish cardigan can be pulled round anything you don't want to show.

It's easier to do in winter I think!

I don't get on with those breast feeding tops, probably because of size I find the gaps a bit small for me .

wear a big scarf that you can arrange to hide things - because you're wearing the scarf already it doesn't draw attention to it.

sorry can't read whole post - not your typing but must put lunch on. Good luck with your bf. Have you thought about going to a specifically breastfeeding friendly group. Not a drop-in but just a coffee group that is bf friendly. Lots are actually a mixture of FF and BF mums (like the one I went to). Ideally there might be some peer supporters there but you wouldn't need to talk about bf unless you wanted to. It just helps to feed around other breastfeeding mums sometimes. It can ease you into feeding in more public places. Try your HV or local NCT branch (you do not have to be a member to go to their coffee groups or parenting magazines).

forgot to say that I have very big norks and never had the money to buy those things that are supposed to aid discreet nursing. I found practice made perfect(ish) and sympathetic company. Some people with big norks don't cover up because they don't actually care about exposing a bit of breast - breasts are all over the newstands FGS! I do care and truly, it is just a question of time and confidence.

I have found that a loose tunic style top over a long sleeved t shirt works well, pull the t shirt up and tunic down. This has the added benefit of giving you an extra layer to catch leaks. If I am feeling self concious I tend to leave my coat or cardi on while I feed so the babies head can be tucked into it.

I have never had anyone say anything though, I fed DD1 for four months and used to wander around the uni library feeding her, and I fed DD2 on the bus a few days ago (I thought the bus could cope with that better than an 11 day old baby screaming for food!) I did get a funny look off one woman on the bus, but she looked like such a sour arse I could easily ignore her-what kind of miserable so-and-so would begrudge a tiny baby their dinner?

Lots of great advice on here.

I second the Baby Cafe idea if you can get to one or something similar.

They certainly get more discreet with age and I bf all of the place in public and received very few comments and those were all positive; mostly from women syaing how lovely it was to see mothers bf

There are loads of bf friendly tops around, I subscribed to the vest under top solution to avoid draughty back and too much flesh being on display.
H&M have some very reasonably priced nursing tops in their maternity section (unfortunately not online).

Good luck.

I agree with most of this has been said before, I BF for 1yr+ and it was time spent in Spain with my DS that changed my attitude. People there don't bat an eyelid at someone BF in public. This gave me great courage.
That said, I did too always take a sarong type scarf thing with me to cover up like a big cape (useful for so many things) and I too would focus on baby and not on what people around me were doing - 'feign nonchalance!'
Good luck & hang on in there

thank you everyone for all your replies, only quickly read them but when i get more time will read through properly (probably about 3am

I guess it is a confidence thing and i will get better with practice. Window cleaner caught me today , andlike you say he didn't seem to notice.

I am going to try local bf group next week to break me in gently.

thanks again

Ive now had time to read the repliesl, thanks again everyone.

I am going to play group today so it will be my first outing where dd2 will need a feed. I have got out and had a quick practice with vest and t-shirt and using this seems better.

dh is coming too so if it feels too much may come home to feed but i am actually determined to do it. Never really thought about it before but going to try focus on baby and not who is looking like a few have recomended.

thanks everyone

good on you for giving it a good go. i have massive boobs, and fed my kids anywhere and everywhere...admittedly, it became easier and i became more confident with each baby...

top tips from me are to wear loose layers...something big and baggy enough to drape nicely when you're feeding. something which is easy enough for you to root around under doing up your bra etc...

don't think about it too much before you start feeding...sit where you feel comfy. get yourself a distraction..phone/magazine/menu etc... latch your baby on, then once she's feeding nicely, relax and look around...use your distraction if you feel uncomfortable...

its much easier if you have company! go out with a friend/partner/mum who will chat and keep you relaxed and will have a bit of quiet support from.

plan your feed times around places you feel happy in....i'm sure marks and spencers have a positive statement about bf in their restaurants (i have no idea why i think this though!)it made me feel more comfy there.

5 days is very early days...don't be tough on yourself...give it another ciouple of weeks before you get stressy about having to feed out and about...oh! and congrats too!

Loose pull-up tops and a large belly band to cover you up (and keep you warm in this weather - breastfeeding can be so cold especially on cold park benches watching older siblings play would be my tips. Try here for nice ones www.nukunuku.co.uk It gets easier honestly!

similar story with me - was so prudish & embaressed first time round - this time i have really surprised myself although DS2 was about 6 wks before i ventured out for long enough to have to feed him whilst out. I also think I just got on with it 2nd time around as I had too!

I bought bf tops but they were complete waste of money so dont go there!

As others said, wear layers, pull one layer up & one down, button up shirts are good with vest underneath, pull vest up & undo enough buttons to get boob out (quite a few for me!) My friend tucks a corner of a muslin into her bra strap & then drapes muslin over baby, but I felt it drew attention to what i was doing. A cardi or coat is good too as it keeps back & sides covered.

I have certain tops that are fairly long & loose which i save for when i go out and not too sure about where i will be feeding ds.

When out, there are nearly always feeding rooms in larger stores that are fairly private & if it comes to it -the car for me!

Also practice at home feeding in different chairs/positions, and practice putting yourself away afterwards as that is the bit i find hardest!

don't know if this helps and I don't have very big boobs but I bought loads of cheap vest tops from M&S and cut boob slits in them where the nipples are (OH thinks this looks really kinky!) anyway, it means that when I pull things down I am not exposing the top of my breast at all and with a bit of fiddling about I can usually get my daughter on without people seeing much.

I also have a shawl thing that I keep in her pram and wrap that round when I am feeding her. Another thing I do is when in a cafe or whatever I situate myself so that as few people can see me as possible and put her pram next to me with a blanket over the handle which also helps to hide me.

I probably make such a production of trying to hide that people notice me!!!

as with others, i do not have huge boobs, but i tend to wear a vest, then top over, so i lift the top up, rather than pull it down, and then pull vest down, and have the vest covering tummy etc, this minimises the amount of flesh seen and when actually feeding, you can just see a baby being held.

Seriously you can barely notice a woman feeding from the outside perspective even with big boobs, you see more yourself as you are looking down on yourself. The baby is in the way when feeding, and when they come off, they are still in front of you.

Good luck, and before you know it, you will be whipping em out regardless of whether anyone can see or not!