Advice/Encouragement on breast feeding needed please!

[Shimmer]

Hello,

I'm expecting DC2 in about 2 weeks (!) but my excitment at meeting the new LO is beginning to be overshadowed by worries about b/feeding.

I had a TERRIBLE time trying to feed DS1, and ended up giving up after about 3 weeks. I really did try and had lots of help & advice etc. but it just seemed neither of us could get the hang of it - I was in constant pain and he would just not latch on. I could also never express at all. Even weeks after the birth I never felt like my milk had "come in", as they say. Looking back on it now, I feel quite sad that the first 3 weeks of his little life were kind of ruined by my stress over not being able to feed him.

Anyway, I do feel I need to at least try again with DC2. BUT I'm really worried about it. I want to enjoy this baby's first few weeks and not have b/feeding cause all the heartache it did last time. Any advice would be appeciated!

One thing that has been playing on my mind is that my boobs have NEVER changed size/shape through either of my pregnancies or when b/feeding the 1st time. Everyone else I know complains about sore boobs and a noticeable size change in pregnancy, but I've never experienced anything like this at all. My pregnancies have both been confined to growth in the belly area and doesn't effect the rest of my body at all!! I bought maternity and feeding bras with DS1, but never needed to use them. This time I have just worn the same bras as pre-preg. throughout. This may be a really stupid question, but do some women just not produce milk? Why do I feel like my breasts are not "performing" in the way they should?

i think some dont produce milk, but its quite rare.
my A cup friend bf two children.
its not the size/fat/volume but the glands, average woman has 20 odd regardless of breast size.
did you ever see milk? after 3 weeks you should have had something.

Sorry you're feeling anxious. My boobs have not changed size/ shape in pregnancy, nor have I ever had the sore/ tender boobs thing, and like you I've worried about not being able to feed - but I bf'ed dc1 and 2 up to 10 months and am now bfing dc3 (9 weeks)

I don't really have any advice but I do think that feeding should be/ can be quite an important time of bonding, stillness and closeness for a mum and baby and I think that this is more important than the food itself ... I'd rather be a relaxed, happy mum and baby with a bottle than a stressed, unsettled mum & baby bfing.

With this being your 2nd dc you may find, as I did, that you feel that you have barely any time to just 'soak up' and revel in your newborn because your toddler keeps you so busy (I'm finding this even more with dc3 ) so I think it's more important than ever that you really enjoy those rare moments of closeness and togetherness.

Having said all that, it might all be a breeze this time - just like no 2 labours are the same. Either way, hope all goes well for you and your new bub

Thanks for your replies & advice. I am determined not to let feeding stress me out so much this time round!

Good to know there is someone else out there who never saw a change in boob size! All my friends with babies I've mentioned it to in RL have always been ! It does seem to be pretty unusual.

I did eventually, after about 2 weeks, see some milk being produced, motherlovebone. But it was only ever a few drops. I tried expressing on numerous occassions but never managed more than about 1-2 oz I reckon. But I guess this may have been because around this time (2 weeks) i was getting so desperate for DS to feed that i started feeding him some bottled formula as well. So maybe because he was never feeding well to begin with and then started on formula, my supply never increased? Does this make sense?? Am I right in thinking the more they feed the more milk I would (hopefully) produce?

Shimmer, please try and relax. Don't let BF become the be all and end all of your early days with LO.
Why don't you find yourself a BF councillor now, build a rapport, get good advice and information now so that you feel more mentally (as well as physically) prepared.
Ask your MW for a list of local BF Cafe's, call the National Childbirth Trust, Breast Feeding Network or La Leche League.
Skin to skin contact at the moment of delivery is important and feed as soon as is physically possible too (during skin to skin).
In the early days, feed as often as LO wants to, sometimes this can feel like all you are doing but its critical for your supply in the early days.
Just when it feels like it even's out, baby has a growth spurt approx. 6 weeks and you turn into a feeding machine again but I promise it does eventually settle down into a predictable pattern.
Don't worry about your son (I have BF 3 children), he can cuddle in too with a book or toys in those early days. BF gives you 1 physical free hand so you can still be an active mom to DS1.
I used to put the babys feet in the lap of the older child whilst BF as I was reading, playing or watching TV.
Shut your ears to comments like, '...are you feeding the baby again...' or '...you must not be producing enough...' or '....he's hungrey give him a top up....' These comments come from people who haven't a clue about the technicalities of BF or who are from a generation of 4 hourly (breast or bottle) only feeds.
Your latch is very important. BF shouold never, ever hurt, if it does, even a little re assess your latch, don't grin and bear it, you'll get sore and pissed off.
Rememeber, if it hurts it's not right!
Sorry if I've gone on and on but I get so upset when I meet people who gave up BF due to lack of knowledge and/or support.
Good luck...you'll do good.

shimmer just skimming thru but will answer your post tomorrow
please don't worry at this stage as your well being right now is all that matters

i was a v.reluctant bfder with ds1 i more or less did it to shut up the hideous hv who openly criticised mothers who didn't..can actually remember being reduced to tears by some of her comments
i really struggled with it partly thru lack of support and also because my exh was working away during the week at the time
but i did manage to carry on to just short of his 1st birthday when he decided himself that he didn't want to continue
with dd and ds2 things were completely different and i actually enjoyed it
what i found helped was always starting a feed on the breast that the baby had last fed from,this seemed to eliminate wind and i always lifted them whilst asleep at around 10-11pm to give them a feed which cut out the awful 2am wake-up!
dd continued til she was 11months and ds2 til he was 20months
please try not to be too hard on yourself and take each day at a time
i used to view every day as an achievement with ds1
even if you only manage to bf for a short time your baby will have benefitted
best of luck

your description of struggles with your first - that could be me writing but 2nd time it went really well - got a lot of advice and was more relaxed anyway - first time I was so scared about the whole new mum experience and trying to appear so cool that I just didn't get going at all

fed DD for 14 months - still nervous that this time will be more like my first but hope not...

but even with the good experience I did find bf hurt for the first few weeks - just a toe curling let down and I was terrified this meant my latch was wrong - it gradually settled and the right advice helped me realise that I didn't have to worry at all