oh god here we go again, ds (2nd dc to do this) is now refusing a bottle, cannot cope with feeling so trapped by bloody breastfeeding!

[minxofmancunia]

Current refusal seems to have also co-incided with a drop/change in supply and him wanting to feed constantly and being irritable and impossible to settles cos he's hungry.

Sitting down and just feeding and feeding is not possible cos have 3 year old dd to look after as well mondays and tuesdays.

God I hate this so much! I cannot STAND this trapped enslaved feeling. I can also feel the tenatcles of post natal depression creeping in, I need a bloody break (ds is 9 weeks). So sadly reminiscent of dd same age same sudden refusal and constant constant crying and feeding until we won with the battle to get her to take a bottle (took 6 weeks).

I'm really sorry everyone but right now I hate bf, it's relentless and restictive and all 3 of us and bloody miserable me dd and ds and not being able to get a break is really affecting how I feel about ds (up until now such a happy peaceful little baby but now irritable and fractious when he's awake).

If I go way for the night and leave him with dh do you think he'll eventually take a bottle or would that just be too cruel? Obviously I can't leave him to starve but for the sake of my own mental health we have to rectify this. Not good for either dc to have a mummy that's crying and angry all the time......

One things for sure once he does take a bottle that's it, we're swapping over, not risking this happeneing again further down the line. Does anyone have any quick helpful ways of addressing this please??

soory for apalling spelling and grammar sleep deprivation.

wouldn't do overnight, maybe a morning??
so sorry you feel like this

minx - so sorry you are feeling this way. It can be scary to fear PND as well.

Here's a suggestion that may not be anything like what you want to hear but of course you can reject it....cos it's only a suggestion

Going with the flow - feeding responsively and without trying to restrict or use a bottle - can be easier and can become easier. What seems to me making things worse is the struggle to get your ds to take a bottle - he gets upset (and hungry), you get upset (and angry), and this upset you both feel makes each other's distress worse. This could be part of the irritable fractiousness you're seeing in him now - what do you think?

And yet if you bf him, without worrying that he will never take a bottle, and as often as he seems to want it, he will be happier now, and able to cope with gaps and alternatives better in time - in a few weeks he will be able to go longer between feeds when you are not there, and he can even cope with a cup (not a bottle) with help if whoever is looking after him worries he might be thirsty.

For the moment, of course you need a break from time to time - this could mean, at the moment, the odd 2-3 hours away when you know he has been fed, and leaving him with someone who doesn't mind cuddling and rocking to keep him happy enough.

Hope things get better for you soon.

minx, is he too big to be able to carry while you feed? I have a 10wo, and agree with the enslaved "sitting on the sofa" feeling, ok with the 1st, not really practical with the 2nd

thanks for v kind messages and advice. Dh looked aftre him yesterday early eve whilst i went out, he dropped off to sleep a couple of times but woke up a few minutes later screaming because of hunger . So I was beckoned back again.

Also so difficult to settle at mo, last week dropping off to sleep no prob with no props! Now will only sleep on the breat which is a bad habit I don't want to end up relaying on as in my experience they lost the ability to self settle and I don't want to go through that again.

I REALLY REALLY need him to take a bottle, wanted to bf for up to a year this time ( thiking he'd have a bottle if I was busy/catching up on sleep/away somewhere) but sadly that may not be possible now as I can't cope with feeling so restricted.

minx - i can relate to your post

DD is 8 weeks and will not take a bottle

sometimes i feel utterly trapped especially as DD cluster feeds until 11 pm so i feel so tied

i am persevering with bottles but i think it needs to be someone else who needs to do it

am also looking at using a cup instead

i have heard breast flow bottles are excellent ...

you have my sympathies - i don't think there is a quick or easy answer but TikTok's advice is very good as ever

stealth I could carry him around at home when I'm with both, it's just the screaming when I'm trying to make dd lunch/get her dressed etc. And this am she was in floods of tears too as she was v upset because he was screaming and she worries so much when he cries .

Also when I'm feeding she insists on practically sitting on top of me. When he's asleep she's glued to me, my children are literally stuck to me!!

oh - apparently they have a bit of a growth spurt at 8/9 weeks so things can go a bit crazy with the feeding

don't think about breastfeeding for a year - think about each day or even each feed

that has helped me to get through

i mix fed DS from the start and by 7 weeks he was totally formula fed which i regretted hugely - i keep reminding myself that things will get better and she is only tiny

rubyslippers we went through this too with dd and I can't beleive it's happening again. You're right about someone else doing it this is how we fianlly got dd to take a bottle (me going out when dh got in from work and him persevering until 7 pm when I got in again). Took 6 weeks.

My try the breastflow bottles, do you have a web address where I can order them from, amazon maybe?

these are expensive and not really very good for taking out and about as they were, i believe, originally designed for babies who were poorly/in hospital. However i found them great. Babies have to suck to get milk out so they don't become 'lazy' on a bottle.

just a HUGE bump. Hang in there. AS I have said before:the myth of br-feeding giving you 'freedom'.DD of 17 weeks exclusivelt br-fed and the battle of the bottle awaits...

I hate that bloody poster at the ante-natal clinic showing a mum feeding happily and the old "breast is best" slogan and "don't worry of you need to go out just express some and your baby will still have the benefits" what bulls**t!!! If only it were that easy!

Minx - DS1 refused bottle till 6 months when I went back to work (and took months of misery); DS2 (now 9 months) refused a bottle to start off with too - I gave up until he was 6 months and got used to lots of Bfing him (DS1 was 3 at the time - watched lots of Cbeebies and DVDs) on the go - he got bigger and quicker at BFs and started spacing them out by 12 weeks so it got a lot easier then. We got him onto bottles when he was 6 months as I returned to work shortly after then.

If you really need a break, then do give some EBM and a bottle to your DH/a friend and go out during the day for a few hours to get some fresh air/rest at a friends house. Overnight sounds too long and your baby will be pining for you too much - I know this as DS2 did just this and refused a bottle from DH all day and finally only accepted one from me after refusing to feed all day (and previously refusing them from me) when I returned home.

And with DS2 we found the only teats he would tolerate are MAM ultivent ones - and very warm milk. May be worth trying those out. Good luck and hang on in there - it will get better and easier.

minx - they had some on Ebay

they were out of stock on the mothercare website but they do have them in store

This won't help with the bottle but have you got a sling? Something like a wrap/pouch affair. This would mean you can feed and get on with stuff or just carry him whilst he sleeps and get on with stuff. I cooked many a meal with DD tucked in a pouch. It can help reduce the stress of not being able to do stuff with the others. I could stick DD in and forget about her and she was far more settled in it anyway.

have just ordered a breastflow bottle and a doidy cup from amazon with express net day delivery for tomorrow!

Am so bloody exhausted am finding it hard to just get on top of and organise the most basic of things. keep donig stupid thingd like leaving the front door open when I go out and leaving money in the cashpoint (left £40 last week). So scared of depression again.

soupdragon i do have a kari-me which i will sart to use for making lunches and stuff. ds has just woken up, he's really such a lovely little baby i hate feeling so pissed off towards him it's so unfair .

Try a bigger teat. This is a controversial one, because some people say BF babies should always have newborn teats - but DD (excl BF) has a 6 month plus teat for her expressed feed (she is 3.5 months old). She had a 3 month teat from 8 weeks onwards and then at around the 3 month point refused a bottle until we went up one. It hasn't interfered with breastfeeding at all in my case, although that's only one case and you'll have to be careful your DS doesn't get lazy with a faster-flowing teat, which is of course the risk...

Start carrying him more. It will (hopefully!) take the edge off the stress of doing things although it won't solve the bottle thing. DD was a nightmare challenging baby as she didn't like to be down anywhere. Put her in the sling though and she snuggled up and slept like an angel or watched the world go by.

Only DS1 ever took a bottle as a baby so I can sympathise.

I really empathise with you minx, I remember feeling desperate sometimes when I was BF DD3 as I also had DD2 and DD1 to see too and it was just relentless. The only advice I can offer you is to take it a day at a time, I used to scream that I couldn't take anymore and then the next day, things would seem a bit better. With respect to getting him onto the bottle, I found it better to not put the baby in the crook of the arm, try him in his bouncy chair or car seat and make sure he is not too tired and too hungry. Make up around 3 feeds a day (just a few ounces) and have them ready and just keep trying him with it. Eventually it will work but you have to persevere.

It will all get easier, when I look back I have no idea how I got through the first 6 months (DD3 is now 10 months) and she was hard work. I couldn't put her down most days.

Hopefully you will get yourself sorted soon but don't put too much pressure on yourself, having a newborn baby is hard work and it will all be a distant memory very soon!

I used to always put DD3 in a sling as well at the worst times of day (tea time etc) as it was far easier than having to listen to her cry.

minx as I mentioned DD is 10 weeks and it's only been in the last 2 weeks at the very most that I have noticed I can put her down awake and she will happily watch me for about 15 mins, rather than screaming so it might not be long before that happens for you too.
That said DS wasn't able to do that until he was about 1 so if that's the case for you I do sympathise - people used to make these comments to me (bouncy chair / cot mobile / toys) he didn't want any of those, just wanted ME

how's it going minx?