tandem bf-ers - how do you get started? what happens in hospital?

[alexpolismum]

Hello,

I'm due to give birth to my dc3 in a few weeks and I'm currently still bfing my 18 month old dd.

I'm interested in hearing experiences of how it gets started and what happens while you are still in hospital after the birth. I will most likely be in hospital for at least 3 or 4 days whatever the outcome of the actual birth (I live in Greece, and that's just what they do over here).

At the moment dd still bfs once in the morning, as a kind of wake up feed, some time after lunch, then a couple of hours later, and then again at bedtime. Sometimes she also bfs during the night. Do I need to get her to cut down a bit over the next few weeks, bearing in mind that she won't be in hospital with me overnight? Or is it best to just leave things as they are and just let her go without any night bf while I am in hospital (dh can give her a cup if necessary, although I think it's more comfort than actually wanting to eat)

How do hospital staff generally react if they see you bfing a toddler when you have a newborn next to you? Do you just have to get on with it and ignore them? (I am getting very good at this, people have been on at me to stop bf for months now!)

I suppose this all sounds a bit muddled, but I just want to get things off to a good start!

bumping for you
I had a home birth so tandem feeding was a very different experience for me.

Personally in your situation I would have a snuggle and a feed with the 18 month old in hospital. When she comes to visit I would have DH holding the baby initially and let her come to you for a big hug and feed. Then let her see the newborn feed while she is also there. I wouldn't try simultaneous feeding in hospital unless you feel strongly you want to.

I would not even spare a thought for the hospital staff. I honestly expect they've seen it all before but I wouldn't worry about it if they'd hadn't. The most you'd get is a raised eyebrow should you want to look up. Noone is going to throw a bucket of water over you or anything!

I don't think you need to cut feeding down before the birth unless you have other reasons for wanting to. You may want to practise having DH visit her a night but I probably wouldn't recommend offering a cup of milk as a substitute for a bf at night as it really is likely to be about comfort initially and that will compact the 'not breastfeeding'. Try and develop some alternative comfort methods but she'll sense that things are different when you are not there.

Hope it all goes well

And just because the standard practise is to keep people in hospital for 3-4 days after a birth - does that mean everyone HAS to do it? Couldn't you just discharge yourself if necessary (assuming you'd want to)?

Like Tambajam I had a homebirth so no hospital experience of tandem nursing.

Bfore DD arrived I read 'Adventuresin Tandem Nursing' by Hilary Flower. You might find some help in there. It is largely anecdotal (experiances gathered from LLL members) and many of them involve hospital births.

If it were me I think I would leave the overnight feeds (DH can give cuddles maybe?) and just let DD nurse when she comes in. You might get some funny looks but do what is best for you and yours.

Good luck
HTH

Thankyou for your replies.

I wish I could have a homebirth too, but people here seem to be horrified at the thought of it!

Tambajam - you are right, of course, I should not worry about what the hospital staff think, it's just I'm worried they might try to interfere and stop me. As for the time spent in hospital, I am not sure what will happen if I try to leave early. It might be worth a try!

I was worried that if she saw me feeding the new baby in the hospital and not her then this could cause jealousy issues.

WoTmania - I have got my mum to buy me that book (Amazon won't send it direct to Greece) but she has had it for a couple of months and keeps forgetting to post it! (Grr!) She keeps saying "Yes, yes, I'll do it tomorrow," and then never getting round to it. It's really annoying! At this rate she'll have to bring it when she comes to see the baby at the beginning of Feb!

Didn't see DS for a day and a half while having DD
Made no issue of feeding, and he had his bedtime feed as usual. He was older though (almost 2 1/2) and only feeding morning & night.
It was all fine - some jealousy, but general, not related to feeding specifically.
Just a thought - DS calls it mi-mi, so we talk about DD having 'milk' to make the distinction. Not sure if your DD has a special name for it?

Stealth - you've got me thinking. I never thought about making a distinction with a special word. We refer to bf as 'milk' for dd (although what she says actually sounds more like 'mog'!). It never occurred to me to call it anything else. Perhaps I should start thinking about a different word to use with the new baby.

Now I think about it, my ds (now 2 and 8 months, I unfortunately didn't manage to bf him for as long) uses the word 'milk' to refer to me with dd. If he is talking about cow's milk, he uses the Greek word for milk (gala), even in English, and the English word is used when he is talking to his dad in Greek about dd! How funny! And I've only just realised!

I don't think you need to worry too much about jealously. Of course, it is very likely to exist in some form but it could have any trigger but I don't think you should worry it will be focused on breastfeeding. Your current nursling is a bit too young to talk things through with but she will probably understand the concept that baby is hungry and can't eat other food while she gets yummy blueberries (or whatever).
I read that it helps if when they first see the baby it isn't in your arms and they can come to you unhindered and then baby joins your unit - rather than them seeing the baby in your arms as physically blocking their way to you. I have no idea how reliable that information is but it sounds logical which is why I extend it to her having a feed if she wants to.