I am a 24 hour buffet ... How do you get a boob monster to cut down?

[DitaVonCheese]

Evening all. Posted recently about night feeds, but now looking for advice about days too Currently feeding 14 mo DD, who is BLWed and still doesn't eat a huge amount (neither does her daddy, so suspect she's just inherited his appetite rather than mine) and still completely obsessed by boob day and night. She has just learned to ask for it in words, which means that she now pesters me almost non-stop. (To be fair, she is also full of cold and teething at the moment, poor little thing.)

Today for example, she fed what felt like most of the night, then on and off from around dawn for an hour or so (this is my usual way to get an extra hour or so in bed). Ate very little breakfast then just had two bfeeds (both sides, with a short break in between) for lunch, though I didn't actually bother offering her solids. Then she had a nap but woke up after 30 min so fed her back to sleep again. Then she woke up and wanted another feed, which I eventually caved in on, then I think she had another one as well, then managed to fob her off until after dinner, when I fed her to sleep (which took ages tonight!). So that's at least six feeds, which seems excessive for a 14 mo. Is that excessive or just normal? Most of the mums I know in RL have either quit by now or are down to just morning and evening feeds.

Has anyone fed a boob-obsessed baby and let them cut down naturally and how long should I expect this to continue? I'm not going to make any changes while she's ill, obviously (when she's ill I feel very grateful to still be bfing), I guess I just want some reassurance that this will end or advice on how I can wind things down a bit (I don't mind continuing with a couple of feeds a day, this all just feels a bit relentless).

Sorry it's so long

My dd fed that much at that age. Sometimes more. When my supply dipped when ovulating or during my period she fed almost non stop to try and get it back up again. I went with the path of least resistance and just carried on demand feeding. I made it to about 2yrs 3 months before something had to give. I asked dd if she would mind not having milk in the night anymore as I was very tired (not expecting it to seriously help) and she agreed. Then said the same about daytime feeds and asked her if she minded if it was just morning and evening and she could have cow's milk during the day and , she agreed. So we're on morning and evening feeds now and she's 2.6

Before that age though she couldn't be fobbed off. Generally seemed to want milk if I sat still for too long and she could happily stay latched on all night.

I've been very surprised at how easy it is. I do allow her to have a feed during the day if she's under the weather but otherwise she doesn't ask.

It's so hard isn't it? I got a bit fed up in the end, all the twiddling and pinching and fiddling and nobody else being able to settle her. I still liked it more than disliked it but I started feeling a bit resentful. Not of dd obviously but of the sheer monotony of it.

Thank you, it's so nice to hear from someone who's been in the same boat! It just feels so unending and sometimes I just want to be left alone, and when everyone else seems to have dropped feeds naturally you start to wonder if you're doing something wrong.

From my experience this pattern was very normal for my DS at the same age. He was BLW'd too and was quite slow to eat large amounts.

You mention a cold and teething, which were both huge factors in DS's feeding frequency.

He's 22 months now, but I would say he gradually cut down and is mostly just on morning and bedtime feeds atm. He's recently starting increasing his solids intake too.

I would try not to use other people's experience as an indicator of what your DD should be doing. Your DD will also be using bf as a source of closeness and comfort and if you are happy to let her continue at her own pace she will cut down by herself. It can be overwhelming, but it does pass and I'm really glad I managed to stick through the tough times with DS.

Also wanted to add that if you do want to cut down on the frequency of feeds, it is possible like ShowOfHands has already said.

Nursing a toddler is a delicate balance!

Sounds like she just prefers milk to food, well done for feeding for so long with a milk obsessed baby!

I think she's probably not eating as much solid food as she needs to nourish her completely because she's getting full up with milk and she's engineering it to be this way because she prefers the milk. It probably originates from her needing the boob in order to settle to sleep. The boob is her comfort and her nourishment so there will be more inentive to breastfeed than to eat solid food.

If it were me I would want her to be able to settle to sleep without needing a breastfeed. You could feed her sitting up, not in bed, in the evening and then read a story and go to bed so that she had to learn to settle without the boob.

Maybe I would also try giving her breakfast before offering the boob, maybe using the boob as an incentive for her to eat the breakfast. If she eats the food she can have milk for 'pudding' (one breastfeed). I would try that trick with all meals until she was eating enough food and then drop the one after lunch so she was having just the morning and evening and then maybe even drop the morning one.

An 18 month old can be nourished completely by solid food, if they are given a healthy balanced diet, and doesn't really need any nourishment from milk. It's more the immunity benefits that are important. I think she's probably feeding all night so she can get enough calories from the milk that she doesn't need much food during the day but this is, I would imagine, a rather unecessary disturbance to both of your sleep!

Of course if you're happy to feed her carry on but I think it really would not be a terrible thing to encourage her to have more nourishment from solids rather than waiting for things to slow down naturally if you are desperately sleep deprived.

My dd easily fed that much in the day at that age. She as generally a good sleeper though so I had some time off! (I'm currently co sleeping withds 8 months, think it may be much less easy with him).
Anyway, did blw with dd too, similar situation with food (though would eat breakfast).she starting eating a bit more at about 18months & dropped down on boob naturally.

Some time between 2 yrs & 2.5 I dropped the before breakfast feed & then the before bed feed so I didn't have to be the last one putting her to bed all the time. This was very easy, she seemed unbothered, didn't get upset or anything. Prior to this age she'd have been very upset if I tried to thwart her 'boob' requests!

Stopped feeding altogether at 2.5 yrs as I was pregnant (sore boobs/no milk really) & she only did it once a day to get to sleep in the afternoon.

All in on the process of weaning was slow & quite organic in its nature. Yes some of the cutting down was driven by me but it seemed clear when she was ready to accept it without upset. I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was she really was a boob monster & a half in her day!

I agree. Although, I instigated cutting down the feeds, it was only when it could be done without upset. Before distraction, refusal etc just would not be accepted so it has seemed more natural to me than it might sound written down. I would never refuse if she really wanted or needed it.

The important thing to remember is that it's very, very normal for a child to still be feeding as much as your dd is and I think people just don't discuss it.

I found that dd self settled without fuss too. I transitioned from feeding to sleep to feeding until nearly asleep to feeding till awake very slowly indeed and there were no tears.

Thank you very much for all your replies and huge apologies for the radio silence - combination of stinking colds all round followed by going away for my mum's 60th.

The good news is that we have managed to cut down a little, sometimes even having only one bfeed out of bed (but still feeding for ages first thing in the morning and usually to sleep at night*). I've also realised that I tend to rely on it a lot as well if I want to keep her quiet so that I can do something like MNing so being aware of that is helpful as well. It's also good to be reminded that it's about comfort for her as much as food

*The second exciting development is that I don't always feed her to sleep. Several times now I've taken her off the boob and just cuddled her or rubbed her back until she's asleep, or DH has cuddled her to sleep. This is very liberating, as you can imagine!

I will keep moving towards cutting down when I can, illness/teething/etc permitting, but obviously not when it upsets her to do so or when she can't be distracted, but in the meantime thanks for the support and for letting me know that I'm not alone!

Dita, I am in exactly the same boat with my 15month old - and have started being particularly aware of it as she says 'milk' extremely clearly and yanks my top - which I don't mind at home but took her to the office the other day and she was doing it there, which I didn't feel so comfortable about.

I think generally she is more distractible if we are out doing things, but like others have said, if I sit down, that is her cue!

She feeds a lot in the night too, I am planning to night wean over Christmas as I think that would help me feel a bit less overwhelmed by it all, and similar to you, she has shown some encouraging signs of settling without feeding sometimes, so I am hopeful that it might be do-able.

The thing I find the hardest is having to feed her to resettle her in the evenings - I would just love to have an hour or two when I know I will have a decent chance of relaxing.

Good to know I'm not the only one!

My dd was like that and absolutely nothing would put her off. She refused almost all solid food. In the end I was so sick of it I felt like I was being mauled all day long. It was painful too she'd move about so much, pull off roughly, fiddle etc. The only thing i could do was wear a top she couldn't get to me in and eventually she'd give up! i totally stopped at 2 years but she wasn't happy at all. At 3 1/2 she always still pulls down my top to have a look and rests her cheeks against them and tries to cop a feel at every opportunity! I don't know how else I could have got her off but I wanted my own space and would still be feeding her now if I'd let her. I probably did it all wrong though.

I am hoping to try night-weaning in the next few weeks too - good luck!

Re settling in the evenings, DH tends to go here as she usually settles a lot quicker for him; if she sees me then she thinks it's boob time, whereas he often just needs to give her a quick cuddle and she'll go back down again - possibly worth a go?

I night weaned DS in September when he was 15mo. I was fed up of the wriggling and pinching and getting no sleep. His dad now deals with him in the night when he wakes up, which is still most nights despite no nighttime boob for months!

Occasionally, if he's ill or teething and having a total meltdown, we have relented and brought him into our bed where he has proceeded to chew me to bits all night. He also gets brought in for a feed when he wakes so we get another half hours kip, which is v lazy of us.

He is a complete boob monster too, I often wondered if I'd done something wrong. I've been following the 'don't offer, don't refuse' for months too so I know now that he is feeding just exactly as much as he wants/ needs. Some days it's a lot, some days he barely asks. I know some people think it's really odd that I'm still BFing though- it's hard when everyone else has weaned before 12 months and even friends that have BF seem a bit uncomfortable about DS still feeding

Good luck with the night-weaning, it is quite liberating not having to feed all night!