Can't cope BFing prem twins

[firsttimetwins]

My twins were born 9 weeks ago at 32+0. Spent 4 weeks in SCBU, where they were bottlefed a mixture of formula and EBM. I couldn't breastfeed in SCBU cause not relaxed enough. In SCBU, settled into a (very strict) 4-hour routine, which they have more or less stuck to by themselves (we feed them early etc. when they demand it). Been home 5 weeks and been breastfeeding and giving EBM, now introduced the odd bottle of formula if don't have enough EBM. Tried to BF both babies at same time but they're not proficient enough, I need both hands for each baby to help them latch on again when they fall off. Can't really feed one then the other because each takes an hour per feed, plus when the other crying I can't handle BFing. Am coping very badly with feeding one when the other is crying, though I can cope with crying at other times. Have asked midwife and paediatrician for advice on combining breast and bottle but they were totally dismissive of the idea. I'm in Germany, where there is an extremely gung ho attitude to breastfeeding and essentially you're a crap mother if you don't exclusively BF. Basically am looking for tips/encouragement. Or am I a crap mother for not being able to cope with the BFing thing?

I think you sound totally amazing and liek you need some sort of medal.

Someone will be along very very soon. I haven't enough experience to give you good advice, but can hold your hand till some experts come along.

www.tamba.org.uk/Page.aspx?pid=195

good old Kellymom

Some links I found as I believe that with breastfeeding knowledge can indeed be power.

Was going to suggest the multiple birth thread too - it is great to have a group of people you 'know' to travel along with.

Thanks for the messages, will repost on multiples forum.

Wow, I think you are doing amazing! Bfeeding twins is bloody hard work, and especially with them being prem too.

The only thing I can suggest, is getting tons of pillows to prop them up on. I used to lay mine on pillows on my lap, so they both fed at the same time, with their legs positioned away from each other iyswim. With the pillows holding them, my hands were free to latch them on, or wind the one who finished first.

It is tough going though, and don't be so hard on yourself. I ended up feeding mine exclusively on ebm, because it is hard.

this is the sort of thing I did, but with pillows instead of that gadget!

Just to let you know you're not crap. I wasn't able to feed one baby for more than 6 weeks - I'm a great mum though
You sound like you've done an amazing job so far.
Sorry I can't offer any practical advice

chopstheduck, thanks for that. I have an inflatable Ezy2nurse pillow, but it's a bit like a lilo, when one baby moves, the other falls off the breast! But with pillows, did you manage to sort yourself out so that you could use both hands to deal with one baby if they fell off the breast? My babies aren't all that great at staying on, so I find I do quite a lot of coaxing.

Just wanted to give encouragement with two screaming babies to bf. It will get better, when they are bigger and stronger they will latch on better, and you will find it less work in the end if you can get through the horrendous growth spurts. It is a lot of work, but you will be rewarded. Do not beat yourself up about topping up with formula, but try not to worry about routines, and just feed as often as possible from the breast, and remind people helping you that that is what breastfeeding is like,not something to be scheduled.
Please don't lose heart! Is there someone you can keep in the house for a few feeds, even if it is just a teenager, to hold and comfort one baby whilst you feed the other, help you position on pillows etc. That was the most difficult thing, just settling into a good position and attaching them both. I wept tears and tears of frustration, I cannot deny it. I did often feed the babies separately just to cut down the aggro, and out of sync.

and theowlwho..., I bet you are a great mum! My problem is guilt I think, these are my first babies and the whole breastfeeding thing has become something of an emotional issue...

I found I needed loads of pillows under my elbows so that I wasn't physically holding the baby up, and in front of me so that baby didn't roll into my lap. I also found tucking them under my arms worked quite well. Also feeding both at once meant the better feeder stimulated letdown for bad latcher.

at the lilo effect! Yes, with pillows I was properly hands free, you can position them so that they are nicely sunken into a pillow and supported and wont roll away. I used to use a big v shaped pillow and various other normal pillows to prop around them - the more the better!

One of mine was a pita to latch too, and one was quicker than the other, so I could wind the first one while the other was still feeding.

I agree with swanriver though, they will in time learn to latch better. They are still very small and things will get better. Take it one day at a time.

firsttimetwins - You're doing really, really well! Prem babies are very difficult to feed. Being very stressed will be making it more difficult. Remember the multiple mum mantras - "this too will pass" and "whatever gets you through". Try not to worry about the babies crying, you'll get to the other one when you can. Try sniffing some lavender oil to relax. If you feed them separately their schedules may well adjust to the difference.

I agree with swanriver - it will get better and demand feeding rather than scheduled feeding may make things better.

Adding formula into the equation may decrease your supply because formula takes longer to be absorbed and so may increase the space between feeds unnaturally. It is less likely your supply will decrease if you are only giving one bottle each and you are feeding two babies but still it could compromise your supply.

One of mine is littler than the other and had more difficulty getting used to feeding in the beginning. I used the feeding pillow in the beginning but found it more difficult to keep the babies latched than if I fed without it. I have mastered tandem (these DTs are my 3rd and 4th bf babies so experience is really helping) without the pillow now. They are 2 1/2 weeks old now and I'm demand feeding so DTD is feeding every 1 to 2 hours in the day and DTS is every 3 to 4 hours so sometimes DTD feeds on her own and I try to feed them together when DTS is hungry. He latches better so I do him first - laying him across my lap and supporting his head in the crook of my elbow. Then I pick up DTD using her sleepsuit and vest to lift her and latch her in a rugby hold position resting on top of DTS' legs and laying along my arm.

Are your DTs big enough to try this? It takes some practice and you have to be unafraid of manhandling them a bit but I find if I clamp DTS' head in my elbow he stays on better and I can keep DTD on with my hand as she is the smaller baby.

Also a vibrating bouncy chair and a forbidden dummy help to keep one quiet if I am feeding one when the other gets hungry.

Hope things improve soon. You're doing amazingly well. x

I can't offer any advice as I have no experience of prem babies or multiples but I wanted to say well done.

I take my hat of to your, I breast fed dd & am now feeding ds but at the start it can be so hard. It does however get easier & becomes the most rewarding, relaxing & enjoyable experience once you & the babies get latching on sorted.

Firsttimetwins you are a fabulous mummy!

curiosuty, that's one of my major problems, actually managing to physically deal with two babies at once. I think they're a bit small to lift by their clothes, or I'd at least be too scared to do that. I might have another try tomorrow when my partner is around to help, I'm too scared to try again on my own and the stress makes it impossible...

I could manage to scoop mine when they were smaller but they were not much smaller - think I was just afraid to lift them by their suits. Have a practice when they're not hungry and see if you can do it.

firsttimetwins - I think we are all terrified of our new babies, they seem [they are!] so tiny. There are however, as tough as old boots. Having seen many many babies being born in lots of different ways and deal with lots of different experiences - trust me you will not hurt them or do anything wrong.

As you get into your grove, your confidence will build and you get more comfortable 'handling' them. It does come.

For your stress, I suggest grabbing a sleepy content twin, maybe both, and having some skin to skin contact with them. As long as possible - hours would be nice. The hormones you release will really help to fight off your adrenaline levels and give your head some serious chill out time.

Perhaps have dp pass one to you in the bath, let him/her lie on your chest in the warm water and simply hang out together.

Some rescue rememdy might also be nice for you. Eat and drink!! Lots!!

hi firsttimetwins, you have done brilliant to have breastfed your twins at all, many wouldnt even try. my twin boys are now 16 weeks, i breastfed them exclusively for 6 weeks, until one night i ended up a crying wreck trying to keep up with the feeds - my husband told me i had done well enough it was time to introduce the formula, which i did the next morning, i also started expressing so i could give ebm and ff but my milk wasnt long drying up (my own fault for not keeping a strict routine on the expressing). the guilt was the worst for me but my health visitor assured me they had the best start and not to feel guilty, she said even if i breastfed for a year i would probably still feel guilty when quitting because of the emotion attached. Another thing she said was breastfeeding is best but formula also has all the nutrients your baby needs-its not poisin, there is such a emphasis put on breastfeeding that mothers feel terrible if they cant or dont decide to bf there babies.

do what best suits you, if bfing is getting you stressed or down dont feel bad giving it up - a happy stress free mother is best for a baby i think.

don't give up bfng - please don't - there are so many things that make twins stressful, it is not just the bfng, I can assure you.
Bfdng helped me feel so much better on the bad days, just to snuggle up and have a dose of oxytocin and know there was nothing better to do than just sit there feeding.
And later on when I saw some mums struggling to comfort two babies, and all I had to do was just offer a boob or two...I felt blessed.
Hang on - guinness, a bit of formula if you are desperate, loads of cake and readymeals, NOOO ironing or showing off your perfectly laundered creatures - whatever you need to do to get through a day at a time, try not to schedule or stress about what you SHOULD be doing or what they SHOULD be doing. Tell all guests to make their OWN tea and bring you some.
I used to pick mine up by the scruff of their babygrows too..as I had a bad back

And congratulations on your brilliant little new arrivals - it is fantastic that they have come so far in last few weeks and have got you as their mum

Ok, so here's the plan of action. DP is now off till Wednesday morning, so as of today I'm demand BFing the bigger of the two twins - her technique was really good at the start but I think I've let her get lazy, so we're both going to practice our technique while DP feeds the other twin EBM, and I'll BF her when she's hungry if the other twin isn't feeding. Then, if that goes well and I don't have a nervous breakdown (have been getting increasingly panicky and weepy at mere prospect of BFing but this afternoon I settled in with a DVD and we had a marathon session and it was very pleasant), tomorrow afternoon or Monday I'll have a go feeding the two together, while DP is around to help and give a bottle if needed.

Does that sound reasonable or would anyone have any alternative suggestions?

Swanriver, there's no chance I'd be doing any ironing, that's for sure, but the scheduling thing is important, I keep thinking there are all these things I should be doing and would be doing if I were more competent, like meeting up with friends who have single babies, or even just leaving the house some days... It's very difficult to convince yourself that it really doesn't matter, and what is important is just sorting out my babies and my head...

And valz, thanks a lot for your experience too - I keep trying to remind myself that, that it's probably a lot more use to the babies to have a reasonably relaxed, relatively sane mum than one who has driven herself crazy worrying about BFing.

You are doing so well. I BF my twins too, but they weren't prem and I HAD done it before.

Doing it before makes a HUGE difference, not only for the obvious reason, that you are experienced. BUT because I had BF a singleton before I knew how much easier it gets as the babies get older.

(( An aside: I did have problems with BF. I managed to last to 5 months BF twins by giving myself a little break each day. Between 4pm and 7pm each day I did feed with formula, but I had a three year old to consider also, who was ignored most of the day If she'd been older, say over 6 and needed me less, I think I would have managed 100% BF. I knew personally if I hadn't had that break, I would have cracked and given up. My supply was fine because my body got used to the same pattern and I never gave formula at any other time ))

Past 2 or 3 months BF, in my humble opinion is TOTALLY different;

1. they feed less often
2. they sleep lot better, are sleeping through mostly. They do know diff between night and day, and do much longer sleeps at night
3. They latch on, burp better and are easier to handle

Good luck, and do not be concerned about getting out. That is very hard with little twins, formula fed or not. Plenty of time to show them off later.

Well done first time, you have done another half a week since you 1st posted. With your plan, that takes you to a full week.
That's a full week of feeding, and a full week of groth from the babies.

You are doing it, you are getting 'there'.

Don't worry that you are missing out on something or should be somewhere achieving something. It will all be there when you are ready to go on trips out with them. This is a tiny short window in the 18 years they will be hanging out at your house, so declare it a duvet day month and a babymoon.

Have you a babycafe near you? www.thebabycafe.org/ They are nice as you could rock up in your pj bottoms with no ill effects