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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

How to eloquently explain why you don't like CBC and her book...

20 replies

jaggythistle · 26/11/2009 09:47

Hi, Me again.

A well meaning relative of mine (ok my MIL) borrowed Clare Byam-Cook's "...if you can't" book from a friend's daughter as she thought it might help me. Unfortunately I didn't see what breastfeeding book she was handing me until it was too late and was too polite at the time to just hand it back!

She is coming round in a few days and I need to remember to give it back a I forgot last time I saw her.

I know she is going to ask if it was helpful and I would like to tell her no without sounding like an ungrateful git/psycho bitch.

I was going to say nothing but I am worried that she will then pass it on to my SIL who is already unsure about whether to breast feed her baby in a few weeks and I don't think such a negative book would help really.

I did read through the book although I knew roughly what her opinions were and it didn't make me feel any better. If I had followed her advice I would be wondering what was wrong with my S as he was not feeding every 3 to 4 hours like a 'normal,healthy baby' and would be fannying about trying to 'empty' my breasts with a pump to see how much milk was in them.

I am trying to come up with something short and snappy to sum up why I didn't enjoy it. MIL is not the best listener - hence bringing me the book when I was quite happy feeding him (forgot to add the 'Demand Feeding' page was folded down by the book's owner apparently). She has been a bit doubtful about how we can't know how much he is taking, how often he feeds etc since he was born, he is now 9 weeks.

Any suggestions welcome!

thanks again.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 26/11/2009 09:51

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ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 26/11/2009 09:52

Would it be evil to suggest that you could "forget" or "not be able to find" the book today, so that she can't lend it to your SIL? Then you can give it back in a few months when you've had a chance to reflect further on what to say about it.

jaggythistle · 26/11/2009 09:57

"You could always accidentally pour a cup of expressed milk on the book completely destroying whilst trying to follow the idiot instructions and then phone your MIL to complain?"

I don't really see my SIL - she stays closer to my in-laws.

It's my husband's brother's wife btw so it's not her daughter, so not guaranteed that she would give her the book, just a worry that occurred to me. My SIL is really unsure and is currently in the 'I'll try BF for a few weeks and see' frame of mind. I only really see her now and again and we text back and forth a bit. I think I will text her to say ask me anything you want about the feeding and hopefully she will take me up on it.

Will just have to be firm but reasonably polite to MIL!

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IsItMeOr · 26/11/2009 09:59

I think keep it for as long as possible and if asked, say you're still reading it (it's very hard to focus on reading when you have a newborn, don't you know!). Best way to protect SIL imho.

jaggythistle · 26/11/2009 09:59

Professor - that did occur to me actually!

Maybe I secretly want her to know that I am quite happy with how things are going and see this as an opportunity...hmm.

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jaggythistle · 26/11/2009 10:02

Well MIL hasn't asked about it so i guess its owner hasn't asked for it back - she is busy with a 3 month old after all...who is now formula fed, not sure if the book made her want to stop - she has a toddler as well to look after.

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IsItMeOr · 26/11/2009 10:16

Hold onto it until your little one is in the inquisitive/bitey/destructive stage, then let your dc "accidentally" play with it...?

jaggythistle · 26/11/2009 10:32

He just did a really impressive shooting squirty poo on me - perhaps I should read the book during nappy changes....

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grumpgrump · 26/11/2009 10:34

Could you not just politely say that you had read a few things about the author which made you doubt her credibility, and someone else recommended another one (Womanly Art or similar) which was also recommended by the main bf organisations?

Longtalljosie · 26/11/2009 11:10

Could you not just give it back and say thank you, and then call your SIL and warn the book's coming her way but not to pay attention to it?

jaggythistle · 27/11/2009 16:03

I chickened out and 'forgot' about it.

Will be seeing her again soon though and am just going to keep it simple and tell her that it's very negative. It's more likely to make you think you don't have enough milk and give up than help IMHO.

thanks for your replies.

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moaningminniewhingesagain · 27/11/2009 16:38

I had this when I had my first. Went onto mixed feeding and was FF by 13 weeks as I thought she was so grumpy/unsettled because she was hungry all the time.

Turned out she was just a grumpy baby and FF didn't change that

I would say hmmm it was interesting and leave it at that. It is interesting after all, in a Wow what a pile of bollocks kind of way.

jaggythistle · 27/11/2009 16:47

yeah, i felt compelled to read it just to see how much bollocks it was...

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philbee · 28/11/2009 17:15

Sorry, ignoramus, but what does this book say, exactly? And what's a good one to recommend / read instead? I didn't really read a lot about bfing with dd and just got through on bits and pieces of advice from helplines etc. Got a bit scared by all the conflicting and rigid techniques others were talking about... I'd be interested to read something good though.

LentilsRMe · 28/11/2009 17:40

Ina May Gaskin - Breasfeeding. Very good

seventypercentcocoa · 28/11/2009 18:39

Bestfeeding v good too. And 'the womanly art of breastfeeding', its a bit of a doorstop though.

StarlightMcKenzie · 28/11/2009 19:28

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jaggythistle · 29/11/2009 15:34

She got it back today, only because my H waded in as he was fed up of her talking pish about breastfeeding!

Today's quote was about the idea of exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months being a reccomendation by UNICEF only for 3rd world countries.

He mentioned the book she had brought so I ended up going and getting it and giving it back. I just said it was v negative and wouldn't reccommend it if you weren't confident about BF as it would make you think you had no molk etc. I did say thanks for bringing it . My H was less complimentary about the book, I think he told her it was a lot of rubbish!

She always comments that our son is 'Certainly growing well on it'. Well FFS we are feeding him people milk, not trying to raise him on beer. You'd think we were making some strange feeding choice..

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jaggythistle · 07/01/2010 16:53

Sorry to bump this one - turned out my worries were pointless, SIL decided to bottle feed from the start - allegedly to save her from getting sore when she stopped.

I know it is none of my business, I just felt unreasonably upset when I found out. Flippin hormones!

I guess I feel all stupid for worrying and trying to offer advice, when she maybe didn't have much interest in the first place.

Am trying to just forget about it and look forward to meeting the new baby.

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Reallytired · 07/01/2010 20:19

Buy your sil "The Food of Love" by katie Evans. Its really funny as well as pratical.

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