Feeding "just" for comfort - it's ok!

[BertieBotts]

Sorry for the random post - just wanted to share this. I have been feeding DS for fourteen months now and he feeds a lot during the day still. I was speaking to a HV recently because I have lost a lot of weight (stress related) and she wanted to check I was remembering to feed DS if I was forgetting to eat myself, so she got me to do a food diary for both of us, and it turns out (I have never counted before) he breastfed 9 times in 24 hours on one particular day.

So she was saying that I "obviously" wanted to cut down on this, and I got a bit defensive and then I said "Well mostly, he feeds for comfort - to get him down for a nap, or if he wakes up a bit quickly, or if he falls over, etc. I like being able to give him that comfort, it's handy." - and then I realised that what I had just said was true, feeding for comfort is ok, if you're happy with it! (Nothing against dummies BTW if you want to do that - DS had one early on but refused it at 6 months) So stop beating yourself up if your baby feeds "just" for comfort, and it's perfectly ok to like it, you don't have to dissuade them from doing it unless it's a problem for you.

I've never really understood why people put a "just" before comfort. It would be like saying your mates are "just" for friendship or that you kiss your DP "just" to show affection.

Hell yes, there is nothing wrong with comfort nursing, what do people think dummies replace? Boobs are not just about food, they are security, comfort, snuggles, medicine and all sorts, and all of them are not just ok, it's wondrous and one of the joys of nursing a baby and child. There's nothing "just" about it!!

i call it: parenting made easy, bertiebotts.

have a

I don't think 9 times is too often. I have had 5 cups of tea and coffee by lunchtime today. All for comfort.

yes, I agree, I got the pursed lips yesterday and got told that DD was feeding "just for comfort" and reminded that they "get everything they need in the first few minutes"

I've had 3 bits of chocolate already, but they were nutritionally necessary...erm...calcium

Agree with all of you. Comfort nursing is a blessing. And a great excuse for a little sit down and cuddle.

I wonder is there anyt link between comfort nursing in a child leading to comfort eating in an adult?

wukter, I doubt it. What we know of the long-term outcomes of parenting which meets the normal and expressed needs of babies and toddlers is pretty reassuring : it's when needs are not met that we see the long-term emotional and behavioural consequences.

to that wukter, I would say that when a need is addressed, it goes away otherwise it remains a need and will manifest itself later on in some way.

I easily feed my 13 month old 12 times a day. And I lose count of at night, it varies and I never look at my watch (it would make me cry!)

And I have lost count of the 'justs', the 'bad habits' the 'she's got you at it', 'are you still breastfeeding' comments.

I can't see that between month 0-6 it's seen by society as acceptable and good mothering to give access to the breast whenever, then at 6-12 months that's got to be reduced, and if woe betide after 12 months you still give access to the breast your child has some sort of obedience disorder.

Sometimes I've been unhappy about the breastfeeding to sleep, the breastfeeding for naps and the near constant contact my daughter needs. But MOST of the time I'm happy to do it. I have soulsearched long and hard and realise that it's actually society, other people and friends and family who are making me feel like the odd one out and just left to my own devices I'd be happy to potter along like this. Sure, I could do with more sleep but everything else I accept as mothering.

In absolute stark fucking contrast to just about every popular book on babies, I don't think you need to 'separate' yourself from them to return to normal. 'Now' is normal. So I try and enjoy it.

I can't tell you how good I feel on a day where I roll with it and try and get sneaking bits done (like being on here) when she's pootering on her own next to me. And how crappy I feel when a pitying friend has said how she 'feels for me because I've not had a night out' and it makes me question it all.

Sorry, that was an essay! Just read Politics of Breastfeeding and it's made me come to a final peace with how it is with my baby, so I'm determined to enjoy it, and yes, my grey roots/shopping/bath scouring can wait.

Plus I get DH to pass me drinks/books/remote if he's about....

Doris - have you read 'What mothers Do - especially when it looks like nothing' by Naomi Stadler. Really good. I think it sounds like you'd enjoy it.

Doris - get yourself to a Le leche league meeting - you will find loads of likeminded people, and you wont feel like the odd one out anymore. I loved the opportunity to have a good old whinge about cosleeping and breastfeeding to people i knew wouldnt try to tell me to stop it then!

WoTmania - duly ordered, thanks for the recommendation. I never read any books or went to classes and my daughter came early, catching me by surprise. Now she's older I'm starting to read some books. Now on 'Unconditional Parenting' (sounds great in theory, but hard mid-tantrum in Sainsbury's...)

pooter I shall. I put it off as I've been living abroad and there was no LLL in Singapore...

Hear hear.

Why wouldn't a mother want to comfort her baby? That's the bit I don't get.

Doris I appear to have subscribed to your school of parenting without realising!

I love this thread
I am still breastfeeding / comfort feeding my 12 month ds.
Have been told am being used as a dummy, breast milk won't have any nutritional benefit after a year (in fact I posted on here about it)
On the whole I LOVE it. I love the impatient chuckling when I am getting my boob out and the happy sigh when he latches on and sometimes he carries on chuckling!
Ds always wants a feed when we come in from the cold - and why wouldn't he - I always fancy a cup of tea - a beaker of water just wouldn't cut it!!
Anyway - hurray for comfort feeding! Am going to check out those books

Oh I wish there was a LLL meeting near me - there are a couple of breastfeeding cafes but they are a bit pointless because hardly anybody goes to them And at my local DS is the oldest and the other mums seem a bit nervous of him rampaging around, trying to force feed people with biscuits

Bertie - I have the luxury of leaving my boys with my Mum or DH when I go to LLL or local drop in.
Just me and the baby

You could do your leader training and start a LLL group. I'll go dig out the recent mag as they have been given funding for 10 new leaders in areas hat don't have them.
Maybe look on their website and see if there is anything on there?

I'm still breastfeeding 1 year old dd2 at night. She gave up feeding in the day months ago but I love the fact that if she is having a bad day, takes a tumble or gets upset she snuggles in and looks for a feed.

Instant comfort. it makes me so happy to think I can give her what she needs to feel better in such a simple way.

I breastfed dd1 too but she absolutely refused to feed after about 11 months. She was quite ill a few months later and I really regretted not trying harder to extend the breastfeeding with her as it would have really been a comfort to her while she was in hospital.

DD fell over this morning (11.5 months, walking but not very reliably ) and a cuddle wasn't enough, 5 mins boob and she was all smiles again. Like doris I sometimes wish she didn't need a boob to help her nap, but then again if it works and I get to have a lovely cuddle with her, why on earth not? and barbara, that smile as I'm hoicking up my top is such a lovely one, why lose it?