Cluster feeding really getting me down ...

[rubyslippers]

DD is 6 weeks old and exclusively BF ...

she is thriving - good weight gain, weeing and pooing well and very alert

However, evening cluster feeding is doing me in

for anything up to 5/6 hours she will want to be on the breast - if i try to put her down i can usually get a break for 10 mins but then she is crying for another feed

she may have a doze on my lap at a couple of points during these marathon feeds (end between 9 pm and 10 pm)

this is also the time when she pulls on and off the breast a lot, goes red in the face and seems unsettled, chews on my nipples - i have gallons of milk so am not sure if my supply is lower at this point?

anyway, i could cope with these sessions if she then slept for a 4/5 hours but i will only get a maximum of 3 hours from her before she is ready for another feed (she essentially wakes every 2 hours on average for food day and night still)

I am not sure how long i can manage to do this - DH isn't always around and i have a 3.5 year ol d to feed, bath, get to bed etc

i cannot seem to to get to grips with feeding her in a sling and if i do carry her she just wants to feed

i feel i have come so far to get to 6 weeks which is meant to be the worstbit but i cannot see an end in sight and I am finding it mentally and physically knackering

any advice/words of wisdom appreicated

TIA

It's knackering isn't it? And boring! You get a sore arse from sitting all the time and there's only so much telly you can watch.

I'm afraid I can't suggest anything that will make it easier but just to say that I have been there and it does get easier with time and it will pass.

Just grit your teeth and give yourself a proverbial kick up the backside... It will be worth it in a few months time when your DC is chugging a feed in 5 minutes, is sleeping better (can't promise sleeping through) and can go longer between feeds.

thank you

i know it is a phase but it feels endless whilst i am in the middle of it

am soooooo tired

Well done you are doing brilliantly! Yes it is exhausting & feels endless but it will calm down. For the first 6 wks or so babies nurse so much in order that the milk cells in the breasts are 'switched' on to ensure good supply for the future. In my experience it really got so much easier round 12/13 wks. I know that seems like a long way off but in the scheme of things it's not. You are doing so great, when you look back at this time you'll feel proud you stuck with it.
Is there anyone you can rope into occasionally helping out round tea time? Try & get as much sorted prior to the mammoth feeding session.
You have my upmost sympathies & adulation as I know it really is very hard but in the end it will become easy & relaxed & wonderful! My dd is 3.6 & ds is now 8 months.

It's bloody hard work.
I was in the same situation but my dh was abroad and I had to move house on my own when baby was 3 weeks old.
Terrifying!

I think you need to rationalise what the 3 year old needs. Nowt wrong with snacks on the hoof or in front of the tv. Baths are a waste of time-get her in the shower with you (I still do this with my kids!)

If your budget stretches to it, go out for meals.The preparing and cleaning up are exhausting and add to general groundhog day.
Even a sandwich form a shop eaten in the car (a picnic!)helps.

Go to bed early so that you can read and cuddle the 3 year old. Don't rush to get up either-do the smae in the morning.

You could think about expressing the occasional bottle now and going off in the evening for a walk or a bath or an hour on MN. Even if you don't express, the baby should be ok for a bit-let your dh swoop her up and drive her around the block while you get your head together.

Well done-it can be really really tough.

thank you ... really appreciate it

i do get occasional help at tea time - poor old DS seems to be getting very little attention from me

Hi Just wanted to add that I completely understand what you're going through. My dd did this until she was 4 months old(and I feel it would have been longer) but I have now switched to bottle. She is now just over 5 months. This was not an easy process either and it has not guaranteed a full night's sleep as I had hoped either (I am now having problems with bottlefeeding)although it does mean i can have a bit of time to myself which didn't happen before. All I can say is it is very hard work and with a 3 year old already you must be completely shattered. If you can accept the scenario and reduce your expectations of what you are capable of doing each day for the time being this will help. Please don't forget to eat as much as you can and look after yourself as much as you can. Askc for help where possible. I've heard it gets better.

I know this is going against the grain of other posts, but have you considered that she might be tired rather than hungry, and wanting to suckle to get to sleep? (I made this mistake with DS). Does she fall asleep any other way than at the breast? If you think this might be a possibility, you could try putting her to bed for the night earlier? And, if you don't already, put her down when she's sleepy but not yet asleep.

she can fall asleep without feeding

I have tried to settle her for the night when i think she is sleepy but she screams and it is not just a whinge but a hunger cry

she is continually rooting throughout the eveing - sucking everything, tongue poking out so i think it is hunger

hi rubyslippers - my 7 week old DS was like this until 5 weeks old when I finally had had enough (he also did cluster feeds in the early hours, so some nights he fed from 6-11pm then 2 or 3am for 3 or 4 hours). I now express a bottle in the daytime - not much, just 3-4 fl oz, then he gets that at 10pm (from his dad), feeds for an hour or two, THEN sleeps for 2 hours/feeds for an hour/sleeps for 2 until 7 or 8 am when he wakes up properly). previously it was 1 hour of sleep if we were lucky! oh, and the evening cluster feeds have pretty much stopped (had 1 last week, but think that was growth spurt!)

thanks Arolf - am starting to express today

she was up at 12, 1, 4, 5 and then up at 7 am. This was after feeding from 6 - 10 pm.

I tried to put her down several times - she was very sleepy but she was up again 1 min later gulping from another breast

she is v hungry ...

I had this with DS and I remember how much it can get you down - he went for up to 10 hours at a time with only tiny breaks for a week or two at around that age, but then it started getting better.

I am going to have this to cope with in a few months so I feel your pain. I didn't have another child to deal with, but I did try to get things done in the morning when DS was more settled. Can you have a hot lunch and pre-prepare sandwiches for you all for tea? Can you feed in a sling some of the time?

It really really does pass and it will be a distant memory. I don't think your 3yo will suffer from a few more weeks where things are not so easy - a bit more TV than normal will not hurt in the long run!

FWIW expressing and giving a bottle made things worse for us and things started improving I stopped a couple of weeks of giving a bottle of EBM in the early evening.

Hope it gets better soon.

Hi Rubyslippers - just wanted to say I am also going through the same thing, and it is lovely to hear that others are too! My lo is just coming up for 8 weeks and he feed for about 4-5 hours in the evening. It's completely physically exhausting! Great to hear from all the others that it will change.

Much as I failed to BF first time round, I've been doing a lot of reading up on where I could have gone wrong.
Not sure of your opinion of Gina Ford (not sure of my own TBH...) but a friend lent me her book 'From Contented baby to confident child', in which there is a complex plan of expressing and feeding which she claims will lead to a decent evening feed, as she believes evening cluster feeding is a vicious cirlcle...
Like I say, no experience myself , but I have it on hand incase it should come in useful.
May help...

Rubyslippers my DS3 is only a week old but have now had 4 evenings of this, bringing back memories of the other 2 boys who were exactly the same. Makes it impossible to cook / eat unless one of you settles for cold food and the other one gets indigestion.

No advice just sympathy and as others have said it won't last - DS1 and 2 did it for a few weeks but it did get less consistent and by about 8 weeks they had a more definite break in the evening. Good luck.

thanks - not sure about GF tho ...

Alana - congrats on DC3 - so it does get better (8 weeks is only a week away)

she fed from 1 pm - 11 pm last night (worst ever)

Hi Ruby - I also had the worst night ever last night - must be something going round. My LO fed from 5pm till 2.30am! Agh.
My mother keeps telling me I should put in some kind of routine and feed him every 3 hours. But he's such a happy little thing, and growing so well I am reluctant to change, especially as people on her are saying it won't last.

Can you feed lying down? It will save your life. Get some big cushions/pillows and lie on your side on the bed against them so your back is supported properly. It's important to get proper support for your back or you'll get bad back ache. Latch your baby on and go to sleep. It takes some getting used to but I found after my body got used to being in this position, I could go to sleep. There were more than a few nights when I would go to sleep with DS2 latched on and wake up in the morning with him still latched on.

Snowfalls, ignore your mother's 3 hourly routine thing - feeding routines for younger babies came about as a result of ff.

Advice?

Chocolates - or whatever your vice is.

A remote that's close by.

A flask of tea/coffee whatever you prefer (mine was hot choc) at a temp that won't hurt your lo.

A film you can bear to watch more than once in one day on your dvd or a selection on a lap top if you have one.

A handy supply of books - make dp go to the library for you

At 20:00 move everything upstairs and try co-sleeping if you can or just lying down if you can't.

When upstairs have the intercom/baby thingy on - if you have one - so you can alert dp when you need something.

Bendy straws so you can drink whilst on your side.

An upstairs supply of chocolates - or whatever your vice is.

Have the remote for your tv in the bedroom (if you have) one handy.

More books.

As for food for you I found sandwiches/salad or anything not too warm could be eaten. You know you're at 6 weeks when you have to switch sides with your baby to remove the crumbs from their ear - didn't do that honest

FORGET:

Housework
Looking after your dp - they are a grown up and can fend for themselves for a while
Ironing
Shopping - dp can make lists and shop!
Trying to host people to come to visit you - they know how to make a cup of tea and can make you something/wash up/hoover etc. in return for gazing at your lo. This works esp well if they are family

You have 2 jobs whilst this is going on, feeding your child and not going crazy. Everything else can wait.

Hunker down and know that this too shall pass.

God, I wish I'd known about this before I started bf'ing - it wouldn't have been quite as much of a shock!

ThePatentedTiggaMethodForGettingThroughTheFirst6/7WeeksOrWheneverYou'reKnackeredTiggax

You have 2 jobs whilst this is going on, feeding your child and not going crazy. Everything else can wait"

I LOVE this piece of advice

good tip re cushions for feeding lying down as well

It truly does get better, we had a hellish time too around 6 weeks. Not helped by still learning to BF and having awful sore nipples - however we're now at 12 weeks and we're all significantly better.

Definitely do whatever it takes to cope. We only have the one DC so clearly easier than coping with two but nothing wrong with easy foods, a bit of telly and whatever else gets you all through the day. Get the chocs in and borrow some TV box sets on DVD.

I also passed DD onto DH as soon as she switched from feeding to just suckling for comfort. DH would only return her to me if he'd tried changing her nappy and singing 'Twinkle, twinkle little star'!! Meant I got some time without her, even if it was just 15 mins on my own in the bathroom. Sometimes though I could grab an hours sleep and it made a massive difference. Some nights I would also go to bed at 7pm when DD went down for the first part of the night or DH would have her downstairs.

Keep going, you're doing a fab job and you'll be back on an even keel before you know it.

thats good adice if you don't hae 2 other kids and a shift orking DH. Not so easy to hunker don then....

poo this is true but then your support network - should you have one - should be leaned on heavily! Mug good friends and family to help out with school runs/cleaning/cooking etc.

I don't have a support network, but I only have my 7 month old so I'm lucky there.

NotWorriedAboutAsking/DemandingHelpTiggaxx

no advice other than what has already been given, but wanted you to know you aren't the only one with a limpet baby every evening atm

it is boring and frustrating but am hoping that it won't go on much longer, my dd2 is 8wo now

she is growing really well so i know it's doing her good, but i would like my evenings back please thankyouverymuch

also i have a christmas night out planned in a couple of weeks - better get expressing and freezing stocks for dh

LOL @ limpet baby

how true ... I had no experience of this with DS as he was mix and then formula fed so this is all new

hoping this too shall pass (she is still going strong of an evening)

I fully sympathise with the others great advice dawntigga although I know in practice you can't always manage to abandon everything else. I too have a limpet baby !!! although I found "fooling" her with a soother when she woke at more unsociable hours sent her back to sleep and firmed up her stretches during the night - That and not picking her up every time she whimpered.....that took some self restraint... Shes four months and does ten hours now. After all she is clustering so that she can sleep for longer. There's no doubt that she gets enough milk. I suppose you're just nudging them away from killing Mummy with exhaustion. Not good for anyone.
It will get easier and I think expressing does help because they have a whole bottle all in one go rather than the nibbling which goes on for hours. My lo falls asleep at nine thirty so I let her munch on me up until nine and then hand her over to Dad to finish off the job if I've expressed. (Does anyone else find expressing incredibly boring?)