giving up bfing at 12 months

[stainesmassif]

am sure this has been posted approximately 1 billion times before. does anyone have tips / advice on how to make the transition as painless as possible? i am not talking physically for me - am prepared for engorgement, am not prepared for giving up chocolate, but hey ho, am talking about poor ds and how he is going to be separated from his breast friends. how did you persuade your dc's not to notice when your norks went on strike?

you could let him self wean

no, seriously though, have you considered carrying on, even if it's just one feed a day or something? like you say it's his "breast friend" (like that phrase hehe) and it will be hard on him i think.

i guess i'd cut down gradually, one feed at a time, use distraction a lot... see how he goes

was there a particular reason for stopping? do you need to stop quick;y?

We stopped very gradually - dropping a feed every couple of months. In the end he sometimes took the bedtime one, sometimes not. I then went away for a hen night and he went to bed fine without it with DP so a couple of weeks later I just stopped. He wasn't particularly traumatised but did seem to take a little while to adjust to a new bedtime routine and wind down properly. But he never showed the remotest interest in pawing at my top or anything. [Disclaimer: my DS was never the boobiest baby though ]

in lots of ways i'd love to carry on, but there are lots of reasons to give up - ie
would like to conceive again asap
he uses his teeth. a lot
i am just not that brave - am feeling disapproval from some friends, dh has mentioned it a couple of times - i know i shouldn't care, i am weak.
i would like to wear a normal bra
i hate expressing
i would like to stay out overnight without having to leave a milk store / worry about not leaving a milk store
i would love to get drunk, just once before i get pregnant again without worrying about boobs

i hadn't really thought of gradually withdrawing - i had always had it in my mind that at 12 months we would just switch it off. i think he's not going to give up without a fight!

ps,still looking for practical tips - is there a special cup you used? did you go straight to cow's milk/goat's milk/follow on formula? were your dc's satisfied by a cuddle with no booby?

I cheated a little as DS went on a nursing strike just before he turned one and I seized my opportunity. Therefore I don't have great tips for you but IMHO a year old is a great time to stop if you want to decide when to stop - it seems harder for a mum to decide when the DC gets older. We went over to whole organic cows milk in a sippy cup, a couple of times a day.

A good idea is to break the connection between feeding and something else happening, i.e. just before a nap or bedtime, if you always BF then put down for a sleep, change it to BF, then read a story/ do teeth/get changed and then put down for a nap. Some friends found this helped minimise the need to BF to smooth your daily routine over.

How much is he feeding at the moment? I was almost ready to stop by 12 months but not ready to force the issue, so I thought I'd start operating a policy of 'don't offer, don't refuse' and see what happened. My DS was only feeding first thing in the morning and last thing at night but he loved those feeds, so I was surprised when he just stopped asking for the morning one - think he was at an age where he was really interested in playing/harassing the cats/smacking us in the face while we lay in bed/looking at books etc. and just forgot about it. About a month after that he got noticeably less interested in the bedtime feed and ended up pushing me away, so I stopped and now we just give him cow's milk in a sippy cup at those times. Sometimes he drinks a lot, sometimes not.

I know I was lucky that it all happened so easily, but for me following his lead was the best option. I had been prepared to feed him for longer if he was obviously upset about the change, but was glad not to have to!

Sorry, this is probably no help

We went straight over to cow's milk (my fusspot DS insists on creamy Jersey milk ) in a Tommee Tippee First Cup (but he had been drinking water out of it for a few months) No need for formula after 12mo.

Agree with breaking the connection e.g. at bedtime we introduced stories and a cuddle. My DS did not miss the daytime feeds at all when we dropped them; as I said, the bedtime one took a bit of adjustment but nothing traumatic.

I guess how long it will take to stop depends on how mnay feeds he is having now and how much he loves it!

he luuuuuuuurves it
i have been using it to help him nap in daytime - he has been a pretty poor sleeper until the last couple of months. at the mo he has morning bf about 5.30-6, if he's with me, another about 9.30 before morning nap, one about 2.30, one at bedtime. if he wakes in the night he gets it too. he is with the cm 3.5 days a week - she doesn't bf him.. and he doesn't miss it, so i know it's possible

you've had tons of good tips on giving up, but just thought i'd mention a few things about your reasons for giving up

would like to conceive again asap- you might find that cutting down helps. I also know a lot of people who have got pregnant before their periods returned, whilst continuing with BF.

he uses his teeth. a lot- this can be stopped, read up on kellymom about bititng and nursing manners

i am just not that brave - am feeling disapproval from some friends, dh has mentioned it a couple of times - i know i shouldn't care, i am weak. - can't help with this one i'm afraid, although i think as they get older it's easier to "hide" it from other people (not your dh obv) and it needn't be obvious that you're still breastfeeding

i would like to wear a normal bra- again, plenty of people do

i hate expressing- why do you need to express? i fed ds2 til he was 16m and never expressed once

i would like to stay out overnight without having to leave a milk store / worry about not leaving a milk store- personal preference, you could leave him cows milk in a bottle now if you wanted, or you mighjt find that he's fine without breastmilk if you aren't there

i would love to get drunk, just once before i get pregnant again without worrying about boob- ditto above!!!

she said she'd love to carry on as well, I don't think i am piling on pressure for her to carry on.
Am sure the OP can make her own decisions without the help of the internet. I just wanted her to know that some of the problems she is encountering can be overcome without the need to wean her child.

nothing wrong with being informed.

Hi staines,

will he take a bottle from you? I'm starting to wind down now as well at 10 months as once I'm back at work I will only be able to do the bedtime one (husband will be dropping off son at childminder's and will be doing morning bottle etc). I started with the afternoon feed and it was a struggle for him to take (well it took 3 months!) but now he takes that well so I've dropped the morning one now. All going well so far, he seems a bit resigned to it now. He loves the boob as well and loves his bedtime feed still, and then I go downstairs and drink wine as I don't have to feed again for 24 hours :-). Downside - bottles are a bloody faff! Good luck, let us know how you go on.

Used Nuk bottle/cup and Tommee Tippee for water.

Cut out daytime feeds first.
Then night-time (he still co-sleeps).
Then morning (because he wasn't going back to sleep after it).
Then bedtime.

It was surprisingly easy (and he was quite booby). think he was 13mths when I started, and maybe a month later was fully off. I was pretty fed-up with the bf and determined (though just doing morning and evening made me enjoy it again).

FWIW my friend continued with just a bedtime feed til a lot later with her dd - I didn't even realise she was still breastfeeding.

I also talked to him about it - and told him what he COULD have (ie water in cup or milk in cup). They understand more than you think at this age IMO.

I never managed it, hence now bf'ing a 3.9yr old and a 13 month old!

But be sure to just try and cut one feed every few days, so that you don't end up with mastitis.

you might find he loves cow's milk too - my 15 month old was a manic BFer but he also goes wild when he sees a bottle of milk!
I cut down to two feeds a day around 11 months, giving two bottles during the day in lieu, and he never "asked" for more.
I never had engorgement or anything.
More recently, it has become one feed a day at bedtime, for only a few minutes, and sometimes it's every other night. Again, no signs of engorgement and I'd be surprised if I had a problem stopping completely. My boobs are already a fraction of their previous size! (happened gradually)
I want to conceive too - not sure if just one little feed would inhibit. My history of infertility might be more of an issue!
Good luck.

second coming, this is yesterday - wait, don't fight over me!! all advice is welcome. tbh i'm genuinely conflicted over it, so will be taking a softly, softly approach and seeing what happens. funnily enough, ds woke at 12.30 last night, wouldn't be pacified by anything other than the boob and again at 4am. so i had to eat all my 'regular meal times' words didn't i!

and thanks everyone else, i could literally talk bfing all day long!

hi row!

Staines - I found the beauty of dropping feeds veerry slowly was that by the time I finally stopped I knew it felt right for me - so if you're feeling conflicted, another reason to take your time. I thought I'd stop at 6 months...then 9...then 12...it was finally 14.

I was planning on giving up at 12 months (similar reasons to you staines) but at 11 months, BB is still feeding 4 times a day when I'm not at work and is a definite BM lover! So this is a very useful thread.

One thing that has helped in the interim is normal bras! I have bought some underwired ones and it is so good to have a decent bust again. I'm also going to start swapping either the mid morning or mid afternoon feed for cow's milk fairly soon.

you don't need a bottle for a 12 mo, they can manage a cup.

dropping feeds in place of cows milk worked fine for me, and DD was happy to no longer have a feed with her morning cuddle.

i went back to normal bras ages ago, but not everyone can.

and as for getting drunk..i wouldn't worry about that for a 12 monther that gets most of their foods from other things. the wakn gin the night would stymie drinking more than BF, tbh...

isn't it funny though, how your idea about bfing changes so radically! i always thought i'd do it, but really didn't expect to find it hard to give up. i was all 'ooh, no, once they've got teeth, blah blah blah'. how wrong could i be. however, i do need to look into this nursing manners business. i do tell him no, and remove him, and he doesn't bite down as such, just there is a certain amount of dragging and my shoulders are somewhere up near my ears.
cara - have just been talking to the cm about swapping my expressed milk for cow's. that will be such a relief!

Oh yes, I couldn't be doing with formula/expressed when he was nearly a year and having only the odd cup of milk (had blue cow's milk too already because of dd).

I liked the NUK cup for milk as it has a soft spout so a bit like the bottle/breast in that they can suck for comfort. Ds uses that and the (much cheaper) Tommee Tippee first cup. Ds wouldn't take a bottle (or a dummy) at all, which has been annoying, but good in the long run.

Agree that your perspective of bf changes radically - but it creeps up on you, you are bfing a newborn and then you look down and you have an enormous toddler that (maybe) you never dreamed of bfing! Good luck with the new plan

Yes, when my dd was only a couple of weeks old I visited a friend with a 6mo and remember thinking "I can't imagine bfing such a big wriggly baby!" Until I read up on introducing solids I thought they just sort of dropped bfing at 6 months and then I thought well I'll just carry on to a year. Now my 13mo has learnt to walk and I find myself bfing a toddler without ever intending to...and I'm sure I once uttered words about "Once they can walk and talk they're too old for it."

I'm going to cut down gradually too but not quite yet...

Another tandem feeder here, just to reiterate that you don't have to stop to ttc.

And why would you remove from your arsenal the most effective mothering tool you have? Boob solves everything, literally, everything!!

I stopped expressing at 12 and 18 months with my two (kept it up longer second time around as DD2 is cows milk intolerant) and have been wearing normal bra's for years.

There is middle ground, you don't have to give up something that is clearly quite important to you both!

GM - so true about boob being the cure for all ills.

and BFAP - i sing that to myself most evenings when i look at ds clinging onto the boob as if it's a life raft.

i really do love it. and now i'm welling up at all the lovely mnetters and the lovely bfing and oh, sniff, sniff....