minx and worrier (this is long sorry, but having been through the mill with this I'm oversharing in the hope it helps...)
of course i can't say whether your babies have reflux or not, but i must say minx that sounds exactly like what my dd has.
She started crying constantly the day my breastmilk came in, slept very poorly, and appeared to be in constant pain. The first paed i went to said "oh its colic" even though it went on all day. Her back and neck arching got so bad I thought she might have some kind of wierd neurological problem - head was turned to the side all the time. Went to a different paed who took one look and diagnosed her with Sandifer's Syndrome at 7 weeks, which is totally harmless and a side effect of the acid reflux, they are trying to elongate their oesophagus. You can google it and the symptoms of acid reflux to check it out. She hardly spit up at all until she was about 4 months, and then vomited alot. Feeding her was a total nightmare for months, she would take a few sips and then pull away crying - basically it hurts them.
I stopped breastfeeding and put her on a thickened formula, and also put her onto Losec which helps with the heartburn. The feeding was a problem until she was fully established on solids to be honest, that really helped.
Something you can get from the healthstore that helps is Tissue salt no.10 for heartburn. But obviously any course of treatment must be discussed with a doctor.
The main treatments for reflux are lifestyle changes, but ultimately babies have to grow out it. Which is not encouraging, but you can make them much more comfortable once you understand they have terrible heartburn and treat this.
Worrier - it doesn't mean he doesn't have reflux if he doesn't spit up that much, its called silent reflux, and basically what it is it there is a little gate inbetween the stomach and oesophagus which doesn't close properly, so the stomach contents which contain lots of acid slosh back up. Lying flat obviously makes it much worse. Also its not true that reflux babies don't gain weight, although they will resist feeding because it hurts. And obviously there can be different degrees of severity of it. The key things are:
Do not lie flat ever - keep upright for 30 mins after a feed. Raise their cot or wherever they sleep, so put a wedge at the head of the cot and put phone directories underneath the legs at the head of the cot - my dd sleeps on a mountain incline!
Feed little and often - and minimal handling after a feed. Although they can be windy, often what you think is wind is actually hearburn and ferocious winding makes it worse.
A dummy is excellent, encourage as much as possible.
You can give infant gaviscon, there are also other acid reflux medications but of course under guidance of doctor.
Sorry this is so long and rambling, but please both of you get a proper appointment with a paed if you can - you will not believe the difference in your child if it is reflux and you can treat it properly.