first time mum desperately want to breastfeed but negativity

[iateallthecreameggsyummy]

Ok im due to meet my baby in January and breastfeeding is very very important to me. I realise it may not be possible but it is something i want to persevere with but.......... all i hear from family and friends is negativity, such as 'I wanted to but couldn't!' or 'it hurt to much' or the most common
'you wont produce milk for at least 2 days so the baby will go hungry!' and so on.....

My DH feels the same way as I do and I dont see any reason why I can't try. My younger sister tried but was unsuccesful at first attempt so the hosp gave her a bottle and she never tried getting baby to latch on again. My twin sister had no problems at all i suppose its all individual isnt it??

I am putting in my birth plan that unless the baby absolutely needs and by that I mean low sugar levels etc a feed that i want to bf, and no bottle is to go near the baby if im asleep etc etc.

Please any suggestions anyone on how to go about this, is there anything i can do to increase my chances of succesful feeding?

I know i prob sound like an idiot but this is my first baby and ff is not an option in my mind right now or am i being a stubborn mule??

Many thanks!

As long as you stay positive it will all help.

The midwives on my PN ward were very anti FF, so you should get support from them at first (although they dont always have the time or the patience to show you properly ime!).

Stay relaxed and if you are finding it diffcult get help - there's loads of it out there once you look. Where I am there are breastfeeding support groups running at least 4 days a week at different centres.

Good luck!

blimey token, very emotive language there, not really giving you much of a choice was it?!

OP - would really recommend joining ABM - you get a great booklet with lots of useful stuff in it including things about educating grandparents IIRC.

Also agree go to a local BF support group before birth as then if you do need help when baby arrives the people aren't total strangers and it might be easier to ask for help.

Drip feeding - IV feeding - is done when babies are unable to cope with milk feeds. This would normally be very preterm or sick babies.

Milk is not put in the drip - milk goes into a naso-gastric tube. It's salts, minerals in a special liquid feed that goes into the drip, and direct into the baby's bloodstream.

Sometimes, babies may have a drip and a tube.

I think I've got that right - correct me if not, thanks

You're right Tiktok. It was a glucose solution that they were fed through the drip with. Still, it kept them off the bottles of formula ;)

Sorry if I confused anyone

The NCT have loads of booklets and books (even a DVD) available from their website (NCTsales), or you could try getting in touch with your local NCT BF counsellor.

You could try printing out this Reasons to be Proud list and sharing it with people who make negative comments.

The remark about not producing milk for the first two days so baby will go hungry is pure ignorance. You produce colostrum until your milk production starts. It's the perfect food for newborns.

Having your support team in place beforehand and getting yourself and DH as educated as possible is great. Yes, there can be problems, but most mums who set out to do it do just fine.

You'll never manage to please everyone, so you might as well just do whatever works for you, baby and DH. No matter what you do with a baby, there'll be someone who pooh poohs it. The world at large really seems to believe it takes a village....

Thanks to all of you for all your advice today!

Funnily enough whilst visiting a friend she had a nieghbour visiting with her 8 month old hungry baby and i was pleased to see her breastfeed quite happily infront of me someone she had not met before.

Was able to have a lovely chat about how she is finding it etc and along with all your comments I am feeling amazingly positive about it all now!!

thankyou!!

good and good on your sister as well - get her to show you the latch in as much detail as possible.
Another one here who has had the odd small problem but nothing major, found bf very straightforward. I know that's not the case for all, but there's no reason why you can't be one of them!
How are your parents? Presumably they've seen your twin do it?

as a successful bf myself, my top tips are:

1. be determined and committed to do it, you are doing the best for your baby and just ignore anyone who doesn't support you
2. when they're just born you have the colostrum, then on about day 3 you suddenly get the main milk in. This is all normal, also don't panic if the baby loses weight at the beginning, it's all normal and your milk will 'come in'
3. make sure the baby has their mouth wide open when they get on to the breast, NOTHING is more agonising than them just latching on to the nipple.
4. get a big comfy pillow to support the baby at your breast so you're not hunched over, to keep your back straight
5. the baby has to 'learn' to feed and also has a tiny tummy, so colic, crying, posseting etc are normal and not a sign that things are going wrong. this settles down around 12 weeks.
6. realise you need to give time to breastfeeding, just let everything else go, this is precious time and nourishment for the baby.
7. It gets incredibly easy once you're used to it, you barely notice, it becomes so automatic
8. get a stock of novels in, it's great reading time!

I also agree with others on here that say it's straightforward, yes, some people have problems but basically it's what your breasts are designed for! you'll be fine, especially as you have the commitment to it in the first place.. best of luck!

You've got some really good advice here, I can only add:

1)Don't expect to have any priority other than feeding your baby for the first 2 weeks.

2. For some people it does hurt at first (did for me), but this will pass. If it does hurt give it 2 weeks for you both to get the hang of it. Then give it 2 more. Nothing other than time convinced my DD to open her mouth wide.

3. Even if it hurts you your baby is probably getting everying it needs. And, I know it was in point 2, but it's worth saying again - it will pass!

The whole attitude in our culture to BF that it's something 'above and beyond the call of duty' is entirely ridiculous. There will always of course be a tiny minority of mothers who have serious(and genuine) problems feeding their babies naturally and they need an alternative (and support) but what did people do a few hundred years ago? What do they still do in many communities in the developing world? Are our Western bodies different? Of course not!

Stop using phrases like "if I'm able to BF" or "if i can manage to BF" and just assume you can. And prepare back-up plans that are BF related (e.g. your midwife, NCT number)rather than FF related (never saw the point in having artificial milk in the house- if my baby was going hungry because of a lack of my milk, this would not suddenly manifest itself one night at midnight totally out of the blue).

It sounds like you are approaching this in the best way possible. It really saddened me today that I was sitting with 3 other new mums and I was the only 1 still BFing!!(DD isnt even 4 months yet) I 'm sure they all had their reasons but I agree as others have said that its convenient for some people to exaggerate the pain and problems of BF to justify FF.

Maybe I was just very lucky but I found it really easy (or as easy as anything can be in the aftermath of childbirth!), had a hungry baby who got on with it, didn't even need the lansinoh (great stuff, like lip slave for boobs!) beyond a few weeks. But then, I was adamant that it was NORMAL to BF and so if I found it difficult, I would find someone who could help me fix it. And now, it will be a cold day in hell before I swap our lazy night feeds in bed and being able to head out the door with just a change mat and a nappy for the hassle of sterilising bottles to feed my baby the modified milk of another animal(the health benefits of BF over FF of course require no explanation).

I found that watching video clips really useful. There are some good clips on: www.drjacknewman.com/. And the NHS have a free DVD which I found useful (you could ask your hospital or local breastfeeding cafe if they have it).

I'd echo what the others have said - most hospitals are the biggest advocates of BFing so there's often a lot of support.
I had to have an em-c section then had a massive haemorrage afterwards and ended up in high dependency overnight. Never held my DS or did the precious skin to skin contact that night as I was totally unaware of pretty much everything. Sniff! But DS was bunked next to me and the staff expressed for him, then showed me how to and by the next morning he latched on just great and we've never had any problems. In fact he's currently 75th percentile by weight, using the old fashioned bottle feeding measure!
At our hospital they had to put it in writing with a damn good reason if they offered ff! Also while you're in recovery the mws are only a buzzer away from your bed to watch each time you feed and check the latch/offer tips - they really were awesome. A friend had a straightforward birth but problem feeder and they let her stay in eight days until her little one got the knack!
You can do it!!

I was also determined to bf for baby health etc., convenience reasons, and I think that makes a lot of difference in persisting. Also dh was very keen for me to do it. We live abroad, in a country where ff is really frowned upon and everyone breastfeeds. So I partly hung in there because of the pressure, especially when I got awful cracked nipples after a few days and remember looking down during a 2am feed to see streams of (my) blood coming out of dd's mouth. As I was still in hospital (c section) they rented me an electric pump. Used that for a week until healed and it got better from there. I read somewhere you should give it six weeks to become natural. Now (11 weeks) it's really easy, doesn't hurt at all and am very glad I kept at it. Also the baby weight is falling off me (frivolous emoticon....) and LO is on something like the 95th percentile.

I also had lots of negativity from mum / mil etc. in UK who said they hadn't been able to bf, didn't have milk etc. My midwife explained that in the seventies til nineties the babies were in hospital nurseries and they brought the babies in to be fed every 4 hours only, so not often enough to stimulate milk production in the mothers, so for that generation hardly anyone was able to bf.

wow everyone i poppeed on in between work shifts and so much great advice to read through!!

as for my parents as someone asked i wont be seeing them as mum lives about 250 miles away and my dad lives 3500 miles away lol but i have a big family and twin will be great!

I shall read through your advice tommorrow as am about to go to work now till 10pm and am shattered already but a hige thankyou!!!!!

It seems most things have been covered by all of the other posters but I'd like to add my bit too.

If you do have problems bfing don't always assume the problem is you. When DS was born he was a great little feeder but only on one side. My left nipple got utterly mashed!!

I took DS to a paediatric chiropractor when he was 4 wks old and found that his right shoulder was out of alignment which meant he was very uncomfortable when he fed. After 2 treatments he was feeding perfectly on both sides again and I bfed until he was 19mo.