Breastfeeding my 2yr old. I need to organise my thoughts and make a plan. Please help.

[Snowdrop85]

I am breastfeeding my 2yr ds.

I sort of want to stop. At the same time I feel really guilty because he loves it and shows absolutely no inclination of stopping. I am starting to resent him. He wants it all the time. He's going through a really stroppy phase anyway, and some days it's the only time I feel like I am actually doing something he likes (the rest of the time I'm telling him "no" or getting fed up) so that makes me feel worse for wanting to take it away from him.

So, first problem, I need to either find a way to feel happy about still breastfeeding, or I need to find a way not to feel guilty for stopping.

Then, once I decide what I want to do, I need either a sensible plan on how to stop breastfeeding a boy who is going to go in to total and complete meltdown if I take his milkies away. Or, if we continue, I need a way of breastfeeding sensibly so it's not all the time, wherever we are, and I stop feeling so resentful. I don't know why I feel this way. I feel so guilty.

I guess I want him to happily decide to stop by himself.

Or, I want a nice, non-relentless breastfeeding relationship with him where he has milkies at bedtime or maybe in the morning, and once in a while if he's poorly or falls down.

Please give me some links or recommend a book, or tell me what you think.

I've always been keen on nursing manners for my DDs once they are over 1 1/2 y/o. Some of it can be introduced as behaviour appears and some only after they are well on solids (i.e. babies quite frequently need feeding when you find it inconvenient but you would never delay them to finish the washing up!)

No pulling down my top and helping themselves (I don't mind the occasional tug to get my attention but not all the time)

No screaming for 'Bah' - if you scream you don't get it except for when they are injured and then screaming is appropriate!

If mummy says no she means it.

If mummy says 'When I've finished the washing up'/'been to the toilet'/etc I will offer when I have finished (as even if they haven't mentioned it I don't want to go back on my word).

No 'Bah' when mummy is on the toilet/in the bath.

No mugging - DD1 once pinned me down under the duvet and helped herself. I used to joke if she could trip me up she would be undoing my bra before I hit the ground.

Absolutely no biting.

It doesn't always go to plan but DD1 (3.5 y/o) is now down to one short feed of about 30 secs in the am and occasionally one in the evening before bed. She also has a feed if she has been hurt badly or had injection etc. The last time she fed in public was about a month ago at a friend's house when a friend bit her leg, before that I can't even remember it was so long ago.

DD2 (20 m/o) also has one feed in the am, sometimes an extra feed mid morning and most of the time a feed before bed. She hasn't had a feed in public for about 6 months.

Obviously nursing manners as I have used them won't work for each nursing pair but breastfeeding is a 2 way street and whilst I am doing child lead weaning (i.e. I want DDs to end nursing when they no longer need it) I still have feelings myself and need to consider what will make me comfortable to carry on nursing.

It is not a all or nothing senario, you don't need to give it to every time DC asks neither do you have to wean full stop in order to retain some sense of self/sanity .

I hope this helps in some way.

Great advice from Verity79. I'll be putting some of that into practice for DS2 in a few months

I found that at this age DS1 (an avid feeder who usually fed at least once an hour!) accepted feeding only in a particular place (upstairs). This helped make the transition from feeding out of habit (which may be what your DS is doing) to feeding just when he genuinely needed to. In DS's case, this was when he needed quiet time or special extra comfort. This compromise made me happy about bfing again and we carried on until DS self weaned just before he was 3 (after DS2 was born). It's not for everyone, but I really feel that doing the child led weaning was the right decision for us. I recommend the LLL book 'how weaning happens' for more ideas and accounts of the weaning process.

Good luck