I'm due in a week and can't shake off this feeling that I'm going to not succeed at bf

[HeinzSight]

I'm expecting baby No 4 next week and didn't quite manage to breastfeed my other 3, lots of reasons, with my last baby the main reason for giving up was PND and given the wrong advise by professionals about medication and BF.

Up until this week I have been more determined than ever to 'crack it' but recently I've been getting more and more feelings of no confidence.

Please come and tell me I can do it and how why etc etc.

Have you thought having a doula? Doula's support mum's during the first few weeks with your baby. It may be that kind of support that you need to breastfeed this time around.

Wow, I do admire your determination to BF your new LO. I BF my son until he was over a year old because it took me 14 weeks to learn how to do it easily and I was determined not to let the hard work go to waste. I found a My Breast Friend support pillow really helped in the early days and have ibuprofen paracetamol and savoy cabage leaves ready for the first few days and nipple cream is a must. I stuck with it becasue although I found it hard it was a miracle cure for all his problems and he was so content. I did get him as fat as a barrel though but it dropped off when he started walking. He transitioned to a cup really well and didn't get stuck on bottles. I expressed so he could go to my inlaws to give me a break and was supremely tired and hungry until he weaned. Best of luck

Hi Heinz,

I know u know I b/fed all mine but there were a lot of teething probs in the beginning.

So, these are the things that helped me...

My HV asked me how long I was planning to breast feed - (it wasn't going well) and I said as long as could manage, but I had no confidence that I was doing it right, or that dd1 was getting enough. Sooo my HV said, ok how about feeding her yourself for 1 week, in 1 week bring her into the weigh in clinic and we will see how she is doing.

I did that every week for about 3 months she was a very clever hv because she kept me b/feeding and got me out of the house at the same time She had long term b/fed her sons and was very pro b/feeding.

It also meant that anyone who suggested I give her a bottle was treated to the charts and graphs in the back of her red book and the incontrovertable proof that she was putting on weight and was healthy.

My neihbour went to the breast feeding clinic for me and told me on her return that they were all really lovely and would be expecting me - so I had to go along (she knew I was having problems). They sorted out all the latching problems I had and diagnosed me with thrush, I carried on going there for several months.

I made lots of friends at the b/feeding group and at the toddler group who had children the same age and felt less isolated. I had been home alone since I was about 10 weeks pregnant so by then it was quite hard to go out as much as I needed too.

I had the bfn 24 hr helplne number taped to the cupboard door in the kitchen, I have been told by someone on here that it should be called in extremis only, but thats NOT what I was told by my supporter, she described herself and her colleagues as an ear in the dark, because being alone in the middle of the night with your baby is the time when every worry will come to the fore and you will be most likely to reach for the formula.

I also wear a vest top under whatever else i'm wearing, so that I can pull 1 up and 1 down, it keeps my inevitable jelly belly under wraps and makes me feel more comfortable / confident when i'm out and about.

Dp is like my own personal cheer squad constantly telling me how well i'm doing. You need someone to keep telling you are doing well and if your dp can be really positive about you b/feeding you are on a winner.

I have had my share of breastfeeding nightmares, it has not been plain sailing all the way by a long shot.

The bit I keep replaying atm was with ds in the middle of the night on about day 4, he had latched so well and been feeding great suddenly he's biting me to bits and crying like he's starving, stupid me didn't realise that so much milk had come in I was totally engorged and he couldn't latch on, my boobs were as hard as oranges. I quickly sterilised a bottle and managed to express off about 4 ounces in one go. Dp gave ds the bottle while I sat swearing at myself for not realising why he was biting me and slapping on the kamillosan. Once I got over the excessive milk production in the next few days his latch went back to being superb, but I could easily have quit that night. I'm just counting down the days before its happening again LOL.

As has already been said:
You need to be bloody minded I think to get through the 1st weeks of b/fing, once you've got past that point you don't want to quit because of all the hard work you've put in and because it does become easy.

I had lots of help and support and really i've been lucky.

For what its worth I think you can do it,

sorry that was a bit long

I also bf my DC2 but not DC1.

Agree with everything above - also do the vest top thing and don't forget there is always someone on here day and night to help.

Realistic expectations are important - it is hard work in the beginning, and ime there will be a 'crisis point' (or more than one in my case) where you will be ready to pack it in and its those times that you need your support in order for before you get to them. I'd seek out a peer supporter or breastfeeding counsellor if you can - our hospital put me on to someone - and ask them to visit you soon after the birth, maybe around the time your milk is coming in which can be a difficult time. Also if there are any hospital based bf groups make use of your time in hospital (if you aren't having a home birth) to attend one when there aren't childcare issues. Not long either really until back to school - I'd definately head to a bf group once your older ones are back at school.

Good luck - bf is lovely when it works out, I'm glad I stuck at it with DS and hope it goes well for you too.

Oh also, try lots of positions in the early days and find one that is comfortable for you. It is lovely to be able to bf lying down but I found I would get sore if I did it at first but now can feed lying down quite easily - things change as you go along. Also I'd read the lansinoh leaflet on their website about wet healing (will try and find it in a bit) since I didn't use the lansinoh right before I read that. Also I would ask anyone who would listen to check latch etc.

SO going to a bf group is the way to go. I know there's one that is run locally in our library in the Surestart centre, I have a couple of friends who attended regularly. Not sure what my hospital offer, will look into that.

I think it really is having the will power to get through that crisis point, without PND I'm sure it would be easier. But hoping PND won't be as bad for me this time. On that topic, I've read that BF can help prevent or at least, lessen the severity of PND. This is something I will keep telling myself over and over.

KKQ thanks for your texty and brilliant advise from you x

Hey Heinz,

Came across this a while back on here and I think its really nice because it tells people how well they have done for whatever they have done rather than being negative or dictatorial iykwim? Thought it might give you a reminder or whatever that ever day you do it makes a difference and is something to feel proud of.

These are just some of the ways that breastfeeding makes a difference to both mothers and babies

First feed Helps to stabilise baby?s blood sugars and
protect baby?s gut
A great opportunity for the first skin to skin
cuddle
1 day The antibodies in your colostrum provide
natural immunity from infection Helps womb to contract towards normal size
2-3 days Sticky black meconium is cleared more readily
from baby?s bowel
Instant relief for hot, swollen breasts when
your milk comes in
1 week Transition to world outside womb is eased
Frequent feeds means time to sit or lie down
and for you and your baby to get to know each
other
2 weeks Food and drink always ready at the right
temperature, adapting to baby?s needs
Hormones help you get back to sleep after
night feeds
4 weeks For premature babies lower risk factors for
heart disease in later life Saves time sterilising and making up bottles
6 weeks Half the risk of chest infections now and up to
seven years old
Breastfeeding likely to be easier and you can
go out and about without bottle feeding
equipment
2 months Lower risk of food allergy at three years old if
breastfed only Reduced risk of ovarian cancer in later life
3 months Five times less likely to get diarrhoea now and
a reduced risk for the whole year Fewer visits to GP as baby less often ill
4 months
Half the risk of ear infections;
Reduced risk of asthma now and protection
continues up to six years
Feeling of empowerment at having been solely
responsible for growing your baby to four
months
5 months Five times lower risk of urinary tract infections A lovely way to reconnect with your baby if you
go to work
6 months Lower risk of eczema now and up to six years
old Less risk of osteoporosis in the long term
1 year
Three times less risk of becoming obese by
age six and a lower risk of heart disease as an
adult
No need to buy formula milk at all, saving at
least £450 this year
2 years Likely to have higher than average scores on
intelligence tests
Expect fewer visits to orthodontist when your
baby is a teenager;
Risk of breast cancer reduced by eight per
cent

I think the mw's should be puting a copy of that in the pack you get at the booking appt.

That's brilliant KKQ!

Glad u like it.

Hi Heinz. Before we had our first, our ante-natal class had some excellent babylike dolls that we all practiced on! It sounds daft but they were very life like and I am sure that it wouldn't have been as easy as it was had I not had a go on a doll first.

My second tip is to do it in front of something you really enjoy, like the PC or a good TV programme, so that you relax and let down.

It is hard work and I was up every night until 1am or later with our first two, for many months, before I got them down. In hindsight I think I was too active and not making enough milk, causing the baby to feed late into the night as this is the time that the milk regulation hormone is released. With our third he managed to feed and settle much earlier, thankfully.

But, if you are unlucky enough to get pnd again, it is so easy once you are established. No scrubbing and sterilising and remembering to pack milk. Honestly, it's a piece of cake once you have mastered it (plus of course you can afford to eat lots of cake as you will be burning off the calories). Good luck, keep calm and don't panic. It's not the end of the world if you don't manage it.

Yes, definitely one day at a time. I found it very uncomfortable, as DD had a tongue tie. There was a really good thread on tongue tie here very recently. They do not automatically check for it, so ask the midwife to look. You will be able to see it for yourself when baby pulls tongue back to cry, too. Even if tongue tie is not severe, it can hinder bf quite significantly. I had a lot of support from the lactation consultant at Lewisham hospital and a session with a private mw too. I was also really encouraged by reading a couple of people on MN saying that it took up to 8 weeks before they felt really comfortable bfing. I would have expected it to only take 2 or 3 weeks, and might have given up if I hadn't been told it may take a lot longer than that.

It's been totally worth it and I now love it. Very sad to have to start mixed feeding soon for DD to go to nursery and me to go back to work. During those first long days and nights of feeding I never thought I would say that . Good luck. x

Oh, and while I think of it, it took DD a month to get back to her birth weight, but she was happy and had lots of wet and dirty nappies, so I resisted HV's suggestion to mixed feed her. This is something that happens a lot, and people often feel pressured into it, even though they know their baby is fine. At least there are now new charts, instead of the ridiculous ones based of formula fed American babies!

You can always try, and if you can not do BF it always a bottle )) good luck!

Hi there,

Good for you for giving it ago. I bottle fed my first mainly due to PND and lack of support too, and breast fed my second no trouble. I was also taking antidepressants which were safe for him.

Drink lots of water, and chill out as much as possible (easier said than done with other kids around!), and get advice if you need it e.g. from your HV or GP. I found the breastfeeding clinics and NCT a bit overzealous, and they made me feel guilty for even thinking of not breast feeding. If you have PND you have enough guilt etc. to deal with without more being added! So if you really feel you can't breast feed, or want to mix breast and bottle then do what feels right for you and don't feel guilty. Either way your baby will grow up happy and healthy.

Good luck.

just to update this thread.....

DD2 arrived 11 days ago weighing 9lb 6oz and we're still exclusively bf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

congrats!!! .

WEll done you

Congratulations!

Congratulations on both dd's arrival and the breastfeeding, hope it continues to go well.

thank you x x x x

I'm v proud of myself!!!!!!!!!!!