Please help, at wits end with breastfeeding and night wakings, 17wk baby

[Hullabaloo2]

I honestly feel like I'm going to crack up, I'm sure others have had it worse on here but I've reached my limit. I just feel SO angry with dd2 and its wrong but I need to sleep. DH is of no support whatsoever, neither are either sets of our parents.

Our story.

When she was first born, on her first night she outdid dd1 and fed for 6 hours. Midwifes took her a couple of times (reluctantly, they were a cheery lot) and confirmed they felt she was hungry. She was bottle fed by dh on 2nd night then had a few bottles intermittantly till day 5 then entirely breastfed. So I never engorged at all, wondering whether this is anything to do with it? However the last time I got her weighed at 6 weeks she was piling on the weight so breastmilk must have been doing the job. Reason I have not got her weighed again is mainly cause the Health visitors usually tell horror stories and you leave wanting to cry so rather not see them if possible.

DD2 had her 2nd injection a month ago. She is always hot even in colder weather and after injection she could have been a bit feverish at times, then 2 weeks ago we got swine flu, it was diagnosed in dd2 and she got her equiverlent of tamiflu. That was a week last friday. So at least for the past 2 to 3 weeks she has been doing what I call 'wanging' latching onto nipple then clamping down and pulling off, resulting in bruised feeling and what feels like a chinese burn of the nipple! It bloody hurts when she feeds now for pretty much last few weeks and I'm still doing regular night feeds when pain is naturally at its worst. My breasts never engorged and now she just drains them flat all day, I know they are 'well drained' but they feel totally empty, which does not do my confidence any good.

DD2 is also an active little monkey and even with her sleeping bag on can get anywhere in the cot, which means regular wakenings from her whacking her head on cot bars and waking herself and me up. I've looked at 'airflow' but that won't fit on our cot, wondering whether to buy a travel cot so she can roll to her hearts content.

The other problem with night wakenings is that I, ahem, snore. Have since being pregnant with dd2, and its loud, I can wake my dd1 up through two closed doors and give her nightmares about monsters coming to get her and scare my dh awake when next to him, or in next room. So god knows what its like for dd2 just a couple of foot from me. And she also wakes when I turn over in bed.

I also take two iron supplements a day.

So to sum up the waffle.

I'm knackered and v cross.

What has happened to milk supply?

Could it be a growth spurt/ill health?

How long does she need night feedings for? I do check nappy and she's got through colic (whole other story).

Any other thoughts? I just want a decent amount of milk to feed her and her magically to sleep through the night...

I'm going out soon (hour prep to get us out for 10...) so may be slow on replys should be back in this afternoon and dd2 may go down for a sleep.

Thanks for reading x it helps to talk it out

Its all gone tits up again...

Bed 7.30 relatively well settled

Up at 12.10 for a feed

1ish/2ish feck knows what time. Stirred and whinging cry, shush pat not working so suspected maybe not had enough at earlier feed so gave a good feed on both side...

Then pretty much constant stirrings, had to shush pat about 5 times from 3ish till 7.30 when I got up.

Got to the point I was shaking with anger

So...get brain in gear...must order a few Bumhuggers

1 monitor with screen and digi, will look at tomy walkabout as well.

Cancelled the travel cot, ordered instead this so feel better about leaving her in room alone ie I would worry about her in travel cot with extra mattress. Should eliminate corned beef arm (where it goes all blotchy as they have stuck it through the bars, again) and waking herself by bumping head (which was going on a lot last night)

Did not help I'd had a conversation with DH earlier about his lack of support. He feels that she has learned to scream to get what she wants, which is me. And co sleeping with her was not a good idea when she was younger. He said that she needs to feel less comfortable with me (ie I ignore her crying till she stops )to be comfortable with him, because whenever he holds her she screams and kicks at him tho sometimes she can be distracted by a toy. However...any number of random women have held dd2 and she's been perfectly happy...but not been held by men and she really does not seem to like to be with dh?? Ideas anyone?

Sorry this is meant to be about feeding...but there's a whole load of issues as well as. There should be a MISC. section

thanks for reading x

grr, i want to shake your dh (sorry). I just think its ridiculous that he wants your baby to feel "less comfortable with you". Of course she's going to be most comfortable with you. Although I can understand he must feel frustrated that she doesn't seem to like to be with him, surely that's his problem to solve by changing his behaviour. I don't think making her go off you will make her like him any more....

Don't know if you have brain room for any more nappy information but there's a thread on night nappies here
bumhuggers work well for us, but others seem to think differently.

So sorry its making you feel so angry, I can remember being so tired I got angry with DD in the night too. It will get better.

Don't give up Hulla! Stick with the shush patting for a good few nights yet, it may well work again tomorrow and will become increasingly familiar to your DD which will hopefully help. There isn't going to be a magic solution, I'm afraid. It is about training her to sleep well and this can take ages.

So sorry to hear DH is being an arse. I guess the thing is that there are many people on here who would agree with what he says (about her screaming- not that she should be less familiar with you! That's MAD!). I think he's wrong and you have a bright, active little girl who is having trouble sleeping. When she has trouble feeding you don't leave her to cry til she gets that right, do you? It does sound like your DH is struggling with the whole thing and also jealous . Sadly at times like this, you have to be mum to everyone for a while. He needs you to show him what your DD really needs. If it's any comfort, having had similar discussions with my DP for many many months, we had friends come to stay with their baby last month. They left their baby to cry for quite some time and he was so shocked and upset I felt like I'd managed to completely convince him! Your DH could try wearing an item of your clothing so he smells like you?

One book I read which gave me strength and a few ideas was No Cry Sleep Solution. May be worth a try? At the very least, she's sympathetic!

it will pass, it will pass, it WILL pass
x

Thank you Greensnail and Singalongmum...you've both made me laugh and comforted me, it will pass it will pass it will pass

Will check out nappy thread, thank you for support re dh...its hard to see straight right now and having such comments really undermine your confidence. You know he once left dd1 to cry for 4 hours while I slept, put her in bouncy chair and said 'well she could see me'...she then slept through the night...but what a way to do it...and she didn't half scream...I was the other side of house and didn't hear...otherwise she would have been picked up and he wonders why I don't have any confidence in leaving babies with him! For me its no going out for 6 months at least while they eventually start enjoying daddy time.

I will keep up shush patting with her. And are you cornish Singalong...you sound it when you say 'That's MAD'...don't know why! Love it...and him being an arse...please abuse dh cause he's making my life more difficult than it needs to be!! His other classic is 'the 2nd child needs to find their place, they cannot possibly have as much attention as the 1st child and you will cause problems with dd1 if you don't get to sleep'. So guilty about being tired around dd1 as well!!! But honestly...she's fine! I'm sure she's fine there is no jealousy, I have them both all day every day and I spend time with both of them...roughly equally...and if I'm with dd2 I pay attention to dd1 usually when she least expects it and it works really well. She's also happy to tell me when she wants a cuddle and when she wants me to put dd2 down so we can play...so she isn't hiding her needs from me...aaagggghhhh!! Bloody dh...he won't listen tho...just twists my words and confuses me with his fantastically amazing reasoning skills which lack empathy. Anyway... glad your dp had a lesson on leaving babies to cry! Makes it easier for you!

Will look at book...best go, dh back...must not let him see this my sanity saver...quote for tonight it will pass it will pass it WILL PASS...it will it will it will....xxx