How can I wean my 16mo breast milk obsessed dd?

[Hayls]

My dd is 16mo and is showing no signs of wanting to stop bf. THing is, I now feel ready to stop. She has 3 feeds a day- an early morning one (5ish), afternoon (after nap) and bedtime one. She creates a real fuss and is unbearable if she can't have any of these. She'd happily top up whenever it was offered. She stayed with my inlaws over night for the first time last weeka and was fine but as soon as she saw me she cried and cried until I fed her. I do feel guilty about wanting to stop but I just feel that I want that phase to be over now- she won't really drink much from a cup and I want her to do this more so I can relax when she's at nursery or I'm out.

What's the best way to stop- to wean gradually or just stop altogether? If it comes to it, I could try to go away for a couple of days or even sit upstairs for a weekend if it means she'll stop. Previous attempts have failed miserably so I'd like it to work this time... Dh will be around this long weekend so he can take over a bit if that will help.
Any advice/ previous experiences would be much appreciated, as would reassurance that I'm not a bad mum for wanting to stop now

HI, there are lots of threads on this subject, you may find it useful to do a search.

I weaned my dd very very slowly, finally stopped at 2 years. It was a case of avoiding cuddles, wearing as many layers as possible so she didn't go digging for it, and making each feed last shorter and shorter.
I also talked a lot about stopping b/f and how she was a big girl now and didn't need it. Then i'd laugh if she asked for a feed and said you don't need that! you're a big girl! and she'd laugh too and then we'd find something different to do.

Eventually dd stopped no probs, except for the boob obsession she now has which is another thread!

Hi Hayls

No you are not a bad Mum you are a fantastic Mum and brilliant that you have BF for all this time.

My ds is 14 months & I have recently dropped him down to 1 feed a day (bedtime). A month ago it hardly seemed possible - he was still waking at night, or mostly at 5am (I HATE that as can never get back to sleep), and still having a feed before his nap during the day, to get him off to sleep.

Anyway I decided that I had had enough of the early starts and started literally ignoring him at 5am when he started crying. To my amazement he cried for maybe 5-10 mins (and not proper crying, really, either) and then stopped, and went back to sleep until at least 6.30am (sometimes even 7.30!!).

He still does it quite often but I do not respond now unless the crying escalates or goes on for more than 10 mins or so (it did one morning recently and I relented & fed him and I think he was genuinely just thirsty, so I take a cup of water up to bed now just in case).

Then I dropped the before nap feed and again he has adjusted in a few days and now we just read a story quietly and then he settles down without much fuss.

You should be able to drop your remaining day time feed, I would have thought, by distraction for a few days - can you offer her a snack instead, followed by a walk or something else she enjoys?

I did invest in some earplugs for the 5am crying - it sounds awful i know but I could still hear him, it was just very faint!

I am pleased that I carried on BF for this long but it was the right time for us to tail things off, and I feel more confident now about what will happen when we eventually stop the bedtime feed, which I am still continuing for the time being.

BTW my ds drinks very little during the day, I have to really keep reminding him to have his water, and he won't drink ordinary milk at all.

I checked with the HV and she said as long as he's not constipated (he definitely isn't!) and has plenty of other calcium rich foods, not to worry. She gave me a chart with points values of cheese, yoghurt & other foods, so you can work out how much they need. It's quite interesting, if they eat one yoghurt and 1oz of cheese a day, plus bread, they are getting the equivalent of the recommended milk quota!!

HTH, good luck this weekend!!

Vicky

Thanks vicdubya, I only just saw this. I started trying to wean dd cold turkey on Saturday- biiig mistake. She went ok throughout the day but I had to wake her at 9pm because i was in agony!! YEsterday and today I've still given her a bedtime feed but she's managed without during the day and I'm definitely not feeling engorged or sore. I'm happy to stick with the bedtime one for now. HOwever, dh has taken over all weekend but he's back to work tomorrow so I'm not sure how much I'll handle before giving in...

Thanks for advice. Now I need to work on the 5am wakings