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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

How do you explain your feeding choice without looking like DIL from hell?

60 replies

PrammyMammy · 28/07/2009 20:12

Due dc2 in just over a month so i raided out my old feeding bras in an attempt to see what i would need to buy for in my hospital bag. They had been in the drawer for a year so i washed them all and hung on a small over the bath type clothes horse because it is raining buckets but too hot to justify using the dryer.
Anyway, my dp's mum and dad visited today and noticed them while using the loo, they must have been speaking about it while i was making tea because when i came back through they asked about why i had them out already, they had hoped i would bottle feed because they didn't get a chance to feed ds (19 mo) I just said that i had not thought about that but didn't really know what else to say. They already think little of me and choices i make with ds etc so what can i say that is polite but to the point?

OP posts:
AnarchyAunt · 28/07/2009 20:35

Suggestions for what to say include

This is my baby and I will feed him/her as I deem appropriate

I will base this choice on what is best for my baby and myself and not on what you want to maintain your delusions

Do not ever again examine my underwear

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 28/07/2009 20:35

They say my dp was sometimes fed by his aunt and his cousin was fed by mil, so i guess it's something they are used too. But they both had babies at the same time so both had milk.
Stressing me out though.

OP posts:
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 28/07/2009 20:37

I find a tinkling laugh and saying, "Oh, how absurd!" and then changing the subject usually works well!

nickytwotimes · 28/07/2009 20:37

Feeding other's babies is absolutely FINE, but not without asking!!
Jesus.

TheCrackFox · 28/07/2009 20:38

Wetnursing is one thing but to suckle a baby when there is no milk is ridiculous. Can't be much fun for a hungry baby.

TBH I wouldn't let MIL have unsupervised access. She sounds deranged.

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 28/07/2009 20:38

Dp thinks it is because ds and this baby are her only gc and she is just excited and i need to give her a break, just smile and nod.

OP posts:
RoseBlossoms · 28/07/2009 20:39

My word, I'm not against cross feeding at all but its something both parties have to agree too!

where is your dp/dh in all this?

I thought my mother was overbearing!!

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 28/07/2009 20:39

Well of course two nursing mothers sharing breastmilk is the same as a grandmother suckling a child when she has no milk

She is mad. I think you need to disregard the tears. She needs to see how unreasonable she is being.

It's concerning that your DP thinks her behaviour is normal and just needs humouring.

lilacpink · 28/07/2009 20:40

Do you find you have to treat her like a spoilt child most of the time (smile and nod to most things)? I really don't think that is fair or normal.

GoldenSnitch · 28/07/2009 20:40

OMFG!!!

Fruitloops!!

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 28/07/2009 20:41

She doesn't have unsupervised access, they let ds play in some dangerous situations (whole different thread) But we do visit weekly and they come here so she doesn't miss out.

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 28/07/2009 20:42

SHE IS MAD.
My ds is the only Grandchild on either side of our family and none of them had any interest in looking at my underwear or attempting to shove their milkless tit in my child's mouth. Nor do they cry when I do something they don't approve of.

RoseBlossoms · 28/07/2009 20:43

Yes smile nod and be very direct in what you want to happen not what MIL feels should happen! I hope you find the courage to tell her its your choice.

smallblessings · 28/07/2009 20:43

How about saying, Fuck off? Mad old bag.

ThingOne · 28/07/2009 20:44

Definitely a fruit loop and rude too.

Can she really not think of anything else fun to do with the baby other than feed it? How bizarre. She can wind it, hug it, bounce it, smile at it, talk and sing to it and take it for walks. And most of all, if she really wants something physical for bonding she can change the nappies.

I would be very very frank with her if she raised it again.

RoseBlossoms · 28/07/2009 20:45

Is your dp a mouse? I would make it my mission to be the DIL from hell!

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 28/07/2009 20:47

She cries to dp all the time.. he thinks it is because everyone usually agrees with her but we express our own views. She thinks i'm 'not nice' - that i can handle, but i just can't be bothered with tantrums and want to nip it in the bud now before baby comes.

OP posts:
lilacpink · 28/07/2009 20:49

"everyone usually agrees with her" - spoilt bi!ch. Stick to your guns, and make sure that DP is stood firmly at your side.

Mumcentreplus · 28/07/2009 21:06

OK that is frickin WEIRD

she will have to deal with it...but if you really want to make the peace (ffs WHY?)..you can say you will express some milk and they can feed the baby...but tbh..they sound FREAKISH

mawbroon · 28/07/2009 22:15

I am really surprised that someone who breastfed their own child(ren), even cross nursed would not be wanting you to breastfeed.

Did she have some terrible experience when breastfeeding that has made her fearful of it or something?

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 28/07/2009 22:39

I don't know if she did, i think it is more to do with bottle feeding though, not formula feeding, just so she can do it. I don't think she would mind if i expressed.

OP posts:
lilacpink · 28/07/2009 22:56

That would be great if she was stable enough to babysit so you could express and then you could relax for some time away, but as she's clearly not there is no advantage to expressing. Do it once and you'll only have to do it again "because you did it before...". As one other poster has said, let her change nappies

MamaGoblin · 28/07/2009 23:01

It does all sound very complicated. She's obviously got ishoos, but does sound very disturbed about it all, and as Mawbroon said, if she herself bf her children, why is she against you doing it for yours?

I think you're probably right in trying to keep things from getting angsty, if she just breaks down like that so easily, but can you have a chat with her about why you want to BF your baby and why it's important to you?

Have never understood all these claims to the 'right' to feed someone else's baby. My PIL have been known to say sadly that they wished DS was on a bottle so they could give him one, and that they thought it would've been 'nice' for DH to feed DS too (he has done - all the odd bottle feeds DS has ever had are from DH). But it's your baby, it's the most obvious thing for you to be the one who feeds him/her!

tiktok · 28/07/2009 23:47

I thought I had heard it all.

And then I come in from a night out and read about the parents in law who examine their DIL's underwear and make comments about 'hoping she would bottle feed' and the MIL who wanted to use her breast on her grandson in order to get involved...and cries when challenged.

I hadn't heard it all.

This takes the biscuit.

Your partner should be sticking up for you and telling his parents to butt out.

"Smiling and nodding"??? My arse. She needs to be told calmly and firmly not to be so manipulative.

Rhian82 · 29/07/2009 09:39

Firstly - she's crazy.

Secondly - could she not give a bottle of expressed milk occasionally if she's soooooo desperate to feed?

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